Trying to make sense of this..

[forgotten_not]

I'm new here & need some advice.. my story is here < how do i make sense of this..>

I feel so alone, I'm glad I found this place.
Thanks.

-forgotten not

"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent."
+ Marilyn vos Savant +

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what
you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."
+ Epicurus +

[dave42]

Hi Forgotten_not: I just read your post elsewhere--I'm so sorry for all the pain you are in. Your husband's addiction is really a terrible problem--just like it is for all of us here. I suggest that he might sign up here for an account and get our support. Every guy on this website has a serious problem and we all know the shame and self-loathing that I'll bet he is feeling (or the denial!!! or all of the above is probably more like it. How did I feel shame and denial at the same time? Hard to explain, but I did!)

So, I also am glad that you are here so the SOs can help you. Welcome! Finally, I'm a big believer in Sex Addicts Anonymous. Sex Addicts Anonymous ® &mdash; Home There is also a group called COSA for SOs, too. Welcome to COSA

Good luck! With the help of SAA, I've been clean now for almost 4 months, but there are many there who have years and years of sobriety, so it's definitely a great program. The hardest part is showing up the first few times and having to say, "Hi, my name is Dave and I'm a sex addict." So much denial, so much shame, but then it becomes easier to say with each meeting.

Good luck!

Dave

[forgotten_not]

Thank you dave42 for your sympathy, understanding, & suggestions.. it means a lot. You can't imagine (or maybe you can) how much easier this situation has been simply because of the support & understanding that I've found from the people here, I'm so thankful this place exists.

I'm doing my best to understand his point of view & what emotions he is feeling, but at the same time I just don't see a reasonable explanation as to why someone would want to keep putting themselves in the position to feel so low after looking at PA.. it sometimes makes it hard for me to believe that he actually does regret looking at PA or hurting me & our relationship. Though, I suppose I am greatful that it is "only PA" now.

Some days are better than others I guess, I'm just feeling frustrated today. He had 4 days clean now, I've got to give him the credit he deserves for that. Congrats on your 4 months, I hope my husband can be that strong & that he decides to join TTF for support in this struggle. Thank you again for your words.

[OpenEyes]

Hi Forgotten Not,
I am a PA and I really feel for your situation. Like Dave42 stated, all of us PA's are here for real problems, some have it worse than others. I have right at 30 years of P use, and I am not sure at what point it became an addiction. If you read my journal, you will see that my addiction has waxed and waned over the years, but it was ever present.

As for you H, I do not know him, but I hope you can get him intersted in this site. I became aware of it when my wife found the site, and I was lying to her face, at the time of discovery. I only realized I was an actual addict when I took the surveys here, available on the resources section. When I answered every question like a confirmed addict, I atually said for the fist time, "I am an addict". It was hard, but it started me on a journey to being a better person, a person that is worthy of my wifes love. I am not there yet, but I am getting there.

I hope you do find some support here, know that there is a whole community here, some vocal in their posts, some just lurk and include you in their prayers. But you have support and can find understanding. Also know, if he is one the road to recovery, it will probably get harder before it gets easier, but it is worth it, or you would have ended things already.

[forgotten_not]

As for you H, I do not know him, but I hope you can get him intersted in this site. I became aware of it when my wife found the site, and I was lying to her face, at the time of discovery. I only realized I was an actual addict when I took the surveys here, available on the resources section. When I answered every question like a confirmed addict, I atually said for the fist time, "I am an addict". It was hard, but it started me on a journey to being a better person, a person that is worthy of my wifes love. I am not there yet, but I am getting there.

OpenEyes,

Thank you for your post. I also hope I can get my H interested in this site, it has helped me tremendously & I know it could help him too. Just to be able to express what's going on in your mind, your turmoil of emotions, & to get feedback & advice is HUGE.

I think he's still in somewhat of denial about the entire thing, thinking it's not as big an issue as it really is & that over time it will just go away without him having to exert any energy.. but it won't, because while I'm learning, growing, & becoming a stronger person from this I'm not sure he's taken the time or energy to face up to what he's done or put in the necessary effort to change & to want to change his ways. He's always been a procrastinator.. I just hope this is one of those times he chooses not to be.. because I can't wait for change forever.

Thank you for your support & understanding.