My first post

[StaysInThelead]

It's been almost 3 weeks since my wife discovered me again, and I finally confided to her that I am a PA. I immediately started looking for support and found this web site, which has been a phenomenal resource for my recovery.

I feel guilty because for the most part, I have felt relief since admitting my addiction and been able to resist the temptations of both P and M. Meanwhile my SO has been having a horrible time trying to cope with the fact that I have been hiding this from her (and denying it to myself) for pretty much our entire relationship of nearly 6 years.

I did not mean to be so long in posting on this web site, but I had some initial issues with registration. By the time I finally was able to post, I was feeling pretty happy and confident with how things were going and have been putting any extra time I have had into spending time with my wife and son.

I finally am posting now because we had a fight today because I was just overwhelmed with talking about my addiction, since my SO has been probing me on a daily basis, and I don't really know how to cope. I want to be there for her, and I want to get through this together, but I have never been good at talking...

My wife has gone to take a nap, and now my son needs me, so I will post more later. Thank you for letting me be a part of this site.

[dave42]

Hi StaysInTheLead!

Welcome! I'm glad the Through The Flame folks straightened out the registration issues. We are really glad you are here. I'll let others comment on the issue of SO probing. I imagine it must be hard on you and on her. What I am reading between the lines of your post seems healthy--that you have a ton of empathy for your wife's situation and that you really want to "be there" for her. Good for you! That is such an important characteristic, it seems to me, of someone who is serious.

The other great stuff: you have a son--that's great motivation to stay "sober" and I guess most obvious of all: you are here. You are posting. You are reaching out, which I know is TOUGH! It was very hard for me to write at first, so I have a sense of how tough it might be for you.

"I have never been good at talking"--I think a lot of us can identify. In general, I think many of us use porn to isolate ourselves. Many of us have trouble opening up (although we might be friendly or be surrounded with folks) and talking about anything substantive. I do! I guess the beauty, maybe the one silver lining of this addiction, is that we have to change. We have to! We have been addicted to porn for years and years, and there is no way to have long-term thorough success without making fundamental changes in the way we live--not just in abstaining from porn. We have to change the way we act/think/interact. Sorry--I'm gettin' kinda preachy here!

Anyway, you knew all that, so I don't know why I had to get on my high horse about it. we are very happy you are here. Write soon and tell us some of your story and some of your plans.

By the way, congratulations on the progress you've made so far. That's great! We are all cheering for you and your family.

Warmly,

Dave