Paradise Lost

[boris]

Hi g-addict,

First of all I want to say I'm proud of you for taking the next step in staying clean. Just putting down in words that you have a problem, and sharing it with others is a major step in breaking the cycle. You overcame the fear and embarrassment to be able to admit your weakness to yourself and others. Somehow when things are down in writing, they transform from an inkling or suspicion reeking havoc in our brains and hearts, to a real fact, exposed for us to confront and deal with. That's a big first step.

We're all in the same boat as you, on the same journey.

Whatever I can do to help,
Boris

[Newlifeman]

G-addict,

Welcome! We are all here to work with and support you however you need! Sometimes that comes with unvarnished advice which is painful to hear.

I have been clean since Nov of 2009 after 10 years of P use and more. My SO uncovered this on 2 occaisons and both times I swore I would quit....but I did not. I went back, finding new ways to cover up my actions...to keep doing it. It was not until this last time...final time, that I made the choice to change. I did not make the decision willingly at first, no....only when faced with the completed destruction of my marriage, my life, did I come to the decision that I would change. I found this sight and joined, I put blocking software on our computers, and I joined a Recovery group offered through a local church.

Even with all of this, it took some time for me to come to the conclusion that this recovery is mine and I must do it for me. Only if I recover, then, can I begin a new life and a new relationship with my SO, my children, etc. I still have a long road ahead, but it is worth it.

You have made that crucial first step on your own and that is a good thing. Now, as you may have noticed, comes the real work. My inital advice is this: You must reprogram your thinking! Try to examine yourself, and when your mood starts turning and you want to reach for that keyboard, that website, try to recognize that it is happening.

Next, try doing something about it! Think outloud to yourself "this is not good" and try replacing it with something good and productive. Pick up a book, do some house cleaning, go spend time with you wife. This is a life changing thing....replacing ur bad habits (addiction) with good habits.

This has gotten long (a habit of mine) so I will leave it there. Again, welcome and please ask for help or advice at anytime!

[g_addict]

after almost 30 days, i slipped today. thanks everyone for all support you gave in this forum. I reduced my online time and wasnt allowing me to use computer when i was alone.

so i wasnt able to respond and thank many of you for your kind words.

things went really out of control. i was just starving for sex and couldnt take it any further and vetted it out with porn. really ashamed of myself. But then i couldnt understand myself. even before opening my comp today i know i might slip.

i still went ahead and now after i did it my conscious is back....

need to start the fight all over again now....


feeling like an idiot..........

take care all..

[g_addict]

dont know why i slipped today. but then again, i am getting myself committed again to get out of this sickness.

45 day counter starts from day.

- g_addict