New and struggling

[JenMac]

Hi Everyone,
I am new to TTF. I have been affected by the use of P by my husband of 34 years. I have just recently found this out, only 3 weeks ago.
I am like many of you dealing with a range of emotions from dread to sadness to an overwhelming tiredness. It has affected my sleep and my physical wellness.
I have sought out a counsellor, as has my husband. I have attended my first 2 sessions and my husband has attended once.
Until 3 weeks ago I would have claimed to have had the best of marriages. A marriage to aspire to! I think this makes this all the more difficult.
I am thankful to be here and to read all of your posts makes me know I am not alone in this. I thank you all for sharing your thoughts and your pain, as well as your hopes and fears.
I hope to check in often and I know I will have lots to ask over the next while. I would welcome any thoughts or words of encouragement you have for me.
Jen

[dave42]

Hi Jen:

Welcome! I am so glad you have come to this website. I'm addicted to porn just like your husband, and it's very useful to me and others to read posts from people like you who are suffering. It's useful because it reminds us of all the pain our addiction causes our families. Hang in there! I know that you'll get lots of support here, especially from people like you who are SOs (significant others) of PA. Good luck as you get counselling and try to find your way in this difficult situation. Also, I hope your husband will join us! This addiction is very hard to overcome. I know that we can support him in a number of ways.

We are cheering you on (and your husband!). Good luck, and please write back soon and often with new thoughts, questions, complaints, you name it! Welcome!

Dave

[Desert Ghost]

Greetings,

I am a pron(p) addict myself and just let me say that you and your husband will find support here. You may want to check out Lifes-lies-trust posts, warning some of her posts can be brutal especially when she has had a bad day. An the reason I can say this is because she is my SO. An I keep my secrets longer then your husband, but in March I relapsed and lost my job.

[Life-lies-trust]

JenMac sorry that you find your self here. This is a really hard thing to suddenly be hit with when you though you knew your H of 30+ years. My H is a PA/MB addict that started when he was about age 9 and I did not know about it. He kept secret but did not spend money on it because I have always handled the money in the family. I can say that the day in December 2009 is almost the worst in my life but comes in second to March when he got caught at work AGAIN. HUGS and chocolate for you.

You have the support you need here. Not all your post will be answered but they will be read. I have been trying to keep a daily journal here so that I can keep expressing my feelings. So feel that you can express we support each other here.

[JenMac]

HI Dave, Desert Ghost and Life,Lies,Trust,
Thank you for answering my first post! I appreciate your comments and encouragement. I have learned a lot from everyone's posts. I will try to post often but I would say at this point I am feeling a bit awkward about doing so.
I belong to an Alanon group so I do realize the importance of sharing my feelings to help not only myself but others as well.
I have shared the discovery of this site with my husband and I know he is finding it helpful as well.
I know I will learn lots here. I will continue to visit often.
Thanks so much!

[Desert Ghost]

You may want to start a journal in the Partners forum if you haven't already.

[forgotten_not]

I will try to post often but I would say at this point I am feeling a bit awkward about doing so.

Hi JenMac! I am new to TTF as well & have to say I am so thankful to have found a place to express myself where people can relate & offer suggestions & advice. I hope you can soon find comfort in such support too. I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time.. I can't imagine how I'd feel if I had discovered my husband's secret 30+ years into our marriage. I wish you the best of luck & hope you find the answers you're looking for.

[Devastated2]

I just wanted to comment RE: Not paying for porn. It seems sooooo common that the PA will relate not spending money on this to not being an addict. Such twisted thinking. My h did not spend money on it either. Instead, he spent his work's money on it (via corporate credit card). Somehow, this did not register as spending money on it in his mind. Thank goodness he did not lose his job over it....as of yet anyway. He is finally confronting it in therapy so I am hopeful but cautious. He has to have a blackberry for work & this just has disaster written all over it because I cannot monitor it. I don't know what to do with that one.
Anyway, JenMac, welcome. Sorry to have hijacked your thread. I too am deeply sorry you are stuck in this hellish situation with the rest of us. There is strength & support here for you. Even though I do not post very often, I have read here since I first discovered my h's p use in Oct. 2008. It has been a great source of strength & support, even when I am only reading. So, welcome. Hang in there & know we are all pulling for you.

JenMac sorry that you find your self here. This is a really hard thing to suddenly be hit with when you though you knew your H of 30+ years. My H is a PA/MB addict that started when he was about age 9 and I did not know about it. He kept secret but did not spend money on it because I have always handled the money in the family. I can say that the day in December 2009 is almost the worst in my life but comes in second to March when he got caught at work AGAIN. HUGS and chocolate for you.

You have the support you need here. Not all your post will be answered but they will be read. I have been trying to keep a daily journal here so that I can keep expressing my feelings. So feel that you can express we support each other here.

[JenMac]

HI Forgotten Not and Devastated2,
Thank you for your kind words in replying to my post! I am sorry you find yourself here too. It is a sad place to have to be. I have found lots of support on these threads, some wonderful, kind, caring people. People doing their best to deal with the devastation in their own lives.
It's been over 10 weeks now and I continue to struggle with my emotions which are all over the place. Right now I am very down and know that I need to change my mindset by taking care of myself, by letting go. I am finding that difficult to do at the moment. Feeling quite swallowed up by it all!
Dark and dismal here today in more ways than one!
Jenn

[Life-lies-trust]

JenMac,
It takes a while but you will see some light at the end of the bottomless pit of cr@p.

Hugs and chocolate to you.