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[LostOne]

Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to take a moment to introduce myself. I won't get into my long story here (I'll save that for a journal) so I'll give you the outline...

My spouse has PA and I came here to try and find support. I am tired of trying to do this alone. Tired of the lies, the hurt, and feeling so lost and alone (and sometimes like I'm going crazy). Tired of being angry.

H has said he will stop this time. I hope he does. If not however, I know that I need to do this for myself.

Thank you all for being here.

[dave42]

Hi Lost One:

Welcome! We are glad you are here, and I know the SOs of PAs here can give you special support that no one else can, because they understand your situation. I am a PA, and I know that it's been very hard on my SO. I have said, just like your husband that I'd stop many times, and each time I've meant it to one degree or another--usually I sincerely meant it, too! It's just such a tough, tough addiction. I say that, but I know that it doesn't lessen the damage we have caused people like you a bit. It doesn't lessen your hurt. It doesn't lessen all of your understandable anger, and your sense that you are going crazy. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. ... sigh... it's a terrible thing.

Okay, so welcome again! I hope your husband gives it a try, too. I'm also a big, big believer in SAA Sex Addicts Anonymous ® — Home and, for SOs of PAs, COSA Welcome to COSA. Check them out! God bless you as you reach out for support. I think you've come to the right place!

[Desert Ghost]

Welcome,

I am a PA as well, so just let me echo dave42 you will many of our SO will be very supportive of you and your struggles with understand what you are facing and I wish you and your spouse the best of luck. An let me add one thought, if you haven't gotten professional help yet. You real should and I don't just mean it for him but use as well.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

LostOne-

I am sorry to have to welcome you to this site, because it sucks to have to be here. But, you came to a good place for support and education. And venting! Feel free to vent in your journal. I do!


What steps is your husband taking to quit? Is he going to counselling, joining a support group, or this site? He he installed filters? Is he prepared to talk to you openly and honestly and take responsiblity for his actions and for hurting your marriage?

Quitting P looks different for everyone, but IMO, it takes more than just words.

I wish you well on your journey. I hope your husband joins the site too. There are several couples here and the journey is more productive when both of you are taking it!

[maggie]

Lost One,

Welcome aboard and you shouldn't have to do this alone.
Even with the support you will receive here, it is still a tough battle.

I joined this site in Nov (?) and I saw a therapist from Nov until March. She didn't have any addiction counseling experience, but I just needed someone that I could talk to about this entire mess. It is still a secret that I keep from my family & friends...that's another entire issue in itself. The secrecy and hiding of our feelings, worried how others will judge our partner and us for this problem.

The therapist recommended a few books for me to read, " Out of Shadows " by Patrick Carnes which is about different forms of sexual addictions and " Hope After Betrayal " by Meg Wilson.

Honestly, when she first recommended reading these books, I thought to myself " why would I want to read an entire book about sex addictions or women betrayed by men who have a SA? "

But, the Meg Wilson book made me realize that my pain and humiliation were common feelings of all partners who had been betrayed by porn/cyber affairs as well as real life affairs.

The common reactions: PAIN...ANGER...FEAR. All of these common reactions to betraya,l prevent the rebuilding of trust, which is the basis of all relationships. If you can't trust someone, why would you want to spend your life with them? Wilson's book explains SA's in a way that helps the betrayed partner heal.

So, I think I have healed a little, but not enough to support my H the way I should.

[Desert Ghost]

Here is a book that you might want to check out "The Addictive Personality Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior" by Craig Nakken. LLT read it and she said that it help her to somewhat understand the thinking of her addicted H (me). Because we who are addicted at time have trouble explaining are thought processes to the non-addicted. I hope that this helps.