This time it's going to work...

[TheChangeINeed]

Hi all,

My name is ****, and I am an internet P addict.

Three days ago my wife caught me looking at P online. The next morning we had a long talk about "my problem" - she's known about it for some time (but had never before caught me), and a bit over a year ago I had promised to wean myself off of it... I failed - miserably. As I listened to her, and when I later reflected on her words, I finally realized - possibly for the first time - the damage that my habit was causing to our family. I was also surprised at my own reaction: not one of denial but one of relief, if that makes any sense to anyone. So, I'm trying once again to quit, and this time it's got to work.

Over the last few days I've scrubbed my laptop and work computers clean of all P and any links, bookmarks, caches, etc. that might provide a path back to "old favorites". I've also become very aware of the situations which seem to trigger the urges - had to willfully wrench myself away from the computer on Tuesday night. But, truth be told, I'm somewhat scared to sit in front of the darned thing. I also can't avoid it given the nature of my work.

I think I need to carefully identify all triggers and devise a plan to deal with them when they are unavoidable. This thing has been with me for most of my adult life, but it can't go on.

Three days sober... and counting!

Thanks for listening.

[dave42]

Hi, The Change I Need, and welcome! You have written a beautiful post here--mapping out all of the ways you've worked to stay clean--scrubbing your laptop of all of it. Congratulations. It's a great feeling, huh? And, yes, I know that sitting in front of the computer is scary. It's a shame it's so central to your work, but I know that you are in good computer here. Yes, smart to try to identify all of your triggers and come up with plans for them. Smart, smart, smart! Yes, this thing has been with me, like you, for so, so long. I'm 44, and I've been looking at the stuff since I was a teen. 3 days clean is GREAT! Congratulations. I hope you read some of the introductory postings here.

I think the best news is that you felt a sense of relief. That is such a great sign. Also, the fact that your wife knows is very good. She can support you.

Hey, do you think a filter would help. It's not enough, of course, but it does act as "training wheels" to get your habits changed a bit. If you are interested, I had good luck with a free filter called k9. Your wife could be the administrator.

Good luck, my friend! We are all cheering you on!

My best,

Dave

[artguy34]

Hello TCIN,

I think your introductory post was an excellent one like Dave stated. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders along with determination. Stay on the path to recovery and trust in the support that your wife has given to you. Our SO's can help us recover greatly and it's nice to see her supporting you. Don't waste this opportunity to heal!

Also, if need be, invite your wife to TTF here incase she herself needs some support. Both PA's and SO's can gain much needed support here with great members. We're all trying to reclaim our lives.

Good luck on your journey, and stay strong!

AG

[jrock123]

good job so far! i'm glad you and your wife are talking about this early in being caught. without seriously trying, i had told my wife i was quitting at least 3 times in 10 years. now that i have taken this seriously and am at 34 days p and mb free, i haven't told her yet cause she will then know for sure that i was an addict and was doing this 2-3 times for the last 10 years. i am gearing up for the discussion. so my advice is to keep talking to your wife. also once you have a few more days under your belt (pardon the pun:), the intimacy between you and your wife should improve significantly (it did for us). i feel like my intimacy with my wife is like it was 20 years ago and we are enjoying each other again. good luck to you. i know this isn't easy, but once you are away from it long enough, you will hopefully see all of the benefits of being p and mb free. i certainly have.

[Desert Ghost]

Greetings TCIN,

Well the others have given you some very good advice and just let me say grats on staying clean. But, let me add this bit of advice if you and your wife have not gotten professional help with your addiction yet. You should go out and find a professional who specializes in this type of addiction. Because I myself discovered after being catch that yes it was a relief, but I realized that I needed professional help if I truly wanted to beat this thing. Because you have to understand the root of your problem if you truly want to beat this. An by the way welcome to TTF.

[TheChangeINeed]

Hi all,

Thanks for the warm welcome and all of the helpful advice. It's now Day 11 of my new life, and I must say I'm feeling reasonably good. Since banishing P and MB from my life I've regained a sense of clarity, I've become more efficient at work, and most importantly I've been spending more quality time with my family. I will not soon forget the shock in my 4 year old's voice when I said I'd read her some bedtime books over a week ago. She looked at me, puzzled, and said "Don't you have work??" In that moment the realization came crashing down that I had indeed been fooling myself (and unintentionally lying to her) since my evening work sessions, though they might start out as legitimate work, almost always involved some P running in the background and thus took much longer than they should.

So, I've changed my routine. I now get up earlier and get myself to work - where I now leave the door to my private office open at all times - and I can then spend the evening playing with the kids, exercising (new for me), and I get to bed at a normal hour. So far I've managed to avoid being alone at the computer at times when I'm tired/weak, and I've placed web filters in my router's firewall for the P sites I've previously favoured. In a follow-up chat my wife indicated that she might want a record of my web activities after I've had a month to sort things out. Since I don't use mainstream operating systems it will be a bit of a project for me to figure out how to do this in a way that she can trust - the kind of challenge I enjoy!

Still, with all this being said, I'm approaching the 2 week mark which I know will be a difficult period for me based on previous attempts. I'm hopeful that with my family's support I'll make it through. Perhaps I'll channel any negative urges into writing up my story for this site, which I've been browsing and have found very helpful.

Thanks again for listening.

[Daniel]

Change,

Congratulations! Your detail around the strategies you will employ, the steps you've taken to effect change, and the new and profound benefits you are discovering are all excellent signs of progress.

Consider starting a journal if you haven't already.

Continue Strong!,

Daniel

[Life-lies-trust]

Hi all,


In a follow-up chat my wife indicated that she might want a record of my web activities after I've had a month to sort things out. Since I don't use mainstream operating systems it will be a bit of a project for me to figure out how to do this in a way that she can trust - the kind of challenge I enjoy!

Hummm That sound like something I can also use with my PA. I have taken away the little netbook from him and the Hard Drives from his main computer. This idea sounds like if it can be done I may be willing to give it back to him. Will have to be a log that he can not delete or modify. Thanks for the idea.:)