Starting over

[Newlifeman]

I wish i had good answers to that, I don't know. There were always a few magazines around at work when I was a cop, so I guess you could say that it was available. I cant justify I did this so much more with you and not her. You keep trying to compare her and you and why, I dont have answers.

I spent 5 years working my ass off and then mostly fighting when I was not at work. Perhaps I was not that great of a person to be around at that time either? Did I look at porn after her and I divorced? Yes. Did I chat at that time? no, that came later. I do NOT attribute this to some failing of yours and you should not either.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Yep, that came later. After we got married. Right after. So, I don't attribute it a personal failing on my part. You are the ONLY man I have been with who has problems getting turned on by me. I could go out tomorrow and get laid, and not by some loser I met on the internet either.

I attribute this to a failure on your part and some failure in us together. I guess my point is, if you are only this man with me, than why be with me?

I know there are no answers. I don't know what to do.

[Newlifeman]

I wrote earlier in my journal about binge eating and wish to express that it and other addictive behaviors can be changed. The overall key to changing anything is to recognize the behavior, decide to change it,(willing to change) and then take action to actually do so!

I have gotten better with the binge eating lately and have begun steadily losing weight as well. It has not been a cold turkey thing, but , the progress stems from a couple of key decisions/actions:

1) I changed my entire life! Beating PA required a serious life change which affected several areas of my life.

2) Faith - I have for the first become serious about a relationship with God, reading the bible, and striving to live as a good Christian.

3) Education: The internet is a great tool, sometimes with information overload. The major thing to know about Diabetes is carb control. Not just sugar, but carbs which we get from everything! There are a number of ways to go about it, but generally, you should have no more than 60carbs per meal and 15 for snacks inbetween. I have found that the south beach lifestyle is very good those of us who are diabetic! I bought the book which was a good starting point. I searched the internet for south beach and/or diabetic recipes. Trust me, I only try the ones that appeal to me, but suprisingly many of them really do taste good and have become regulars in our meal plans. Don't be afraid to strike out and try something new!

4) Learning about myself! Just realizing I was doing this binge eating was a revelation. This takes us back to decisions. Now that I am conciously aware of this issue, I can also overule myself when the urge arises. I replace the urge with new habits, or discipline....reading a book, eat something healthy like a handful of peanuts, etc. Trust me, I have not gone cold turkey yet...but I am much improved and the affect is great! I am happier, my wife is happier, and I am getting leaner and healthier every week.

5) Great support from my SO. She has embraced the healthy eating lifestyle and makes it easier for me to do so. Thank you WoNLM for being there for me!



Duane

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

It amuses me that you thought you could keep your over-eating a secret when it showed on your body and in your poor health. Just like you thought you could keep your PA a secret when it showed in your realtionship with me and reflected in your life.

I am so glad you are now taking steps to control yourself in these aspects of your life. You can control yourself, and its amazing how much easier it is to do something when you want to do it.

Now, the absence of P on your life is evident because you are present in your life which is a good thing. And I am proud of you for doing better with eating for many reasons. I don't tell you enough because its hard still for me to pat you on the back for doing what you should have done all along, but I am proud of you and your progress. I hope you read it here.