Hello fellow heroes!

[escapeartist77]

Hey to all:

My name is Michael, and I am proud to be a new member of this community. I am a gay 32 year old male who has struggled with porn addiction ever since I purchased my first computer 8 years ago. I had always rationalized it as "normal male behavior" until the last few years until I started paying attention to my psychology before, during, and after viewing porn. I realized it was being used as a coping mechanism (escapism). And yes, I share all the same patterns of addiction that I've read on the articles here.

So I've gone through these periods where I am committed to stop, and then I feel really good about it. It isn't long before my emotional states become challenging (loneliness, boredom, isolation, sadness, etc.) and I toss my original pledge out the window, feverishly looking at porn under the mental idea of "I am suffering, so I deserve this." Of course it is only a short-term distraction which creates long-term emptiness. But this is why it has been a recurring problem, because I have yet to discover how to more effectively cope with difficult moods and emotions. Turning to porn has always been the easiest and quickest means for me to "forget" about my suffering.

But joining this group is an encouraging sign that I am getting more serious about taking my life back. It is clear that porn has just always covered the real problems, and has prevented me from really getting to know how I tick. Now I want to rid myself of porn so that I can courageously face what I've always run from in the past. I feel that nothing is being gained by porn, and everything is being lost (or at least buried).

So I am looking forward to chatting with all of you, and am here to support you and of course, be supported myself. It takes courage and a lot of self-love, as this is certainly no easy task we are undertaking! Hence, we are all heroes on this journey.

With gratitude,

Michael

[jd0123]

i think for me too porn is masking the real problems and its is basically an easy way to deal with turmoil that is going on in my mind. unfortunately like you said its just a short term cover that leads nowhere at best and way down in some cases. nice post and welcome.

[dave42]

Hey, welcome! I liked this sentence of yours: "I realized it was being used as a coping mechanism (escapism)." I think that you are more aware of this than I am. I think I do use p as a coping mechanism, but I don't think about that much.

Thanks for putting it in black and white!

Good luck in this struggle. You are on the right track!

Best,

Dave (By the way, I'm gay, too.)

[statler]

Michael,
It took some heavy duty courage just to show up here! I know exactly what you're talking about: P masking other problems. Escapism is a wonderful thing, till we realize that nobody can run forever. I'm in counseling by myself, and with my wife, right now to dig at those underlying things that maybe are at the heart of us thinking that P is any kind of answer. This is a great place with great people. We can all help each other be the kind of men we really hope to be.