Lost and Scared

[Mancub13]

Hello all. I am new to this group, but have already read many of your posts. I, like many of you, am lost in a world where my priorities have been totally messed up. For too long, I have done those things that hurt the one I love most in the world, knowing it would hurt her when she found out, but unable to stop myself anyway. We have now come to that "Fix it or Forget it" place in our marriage, and I do not want to loose her. I have had some small luck over short periods of time trying to fix this problem myself, but it has never lasted. I want to try it differently this time so that maybe I can find different results.

I saw a sign on a church billboard the other day that I think means that there is hope yet for all of us. It said, "Every Saint has had a past; Every Sinner can have a future." I hope that I too can have a future, and that at some point I will be worthy of forgiveness. I'm not worried about God's forgiveness, because I will never be worthy of that, I can only count on His Grace. I am worried about forgiveness from my wife, whom I have hurt more than anyone else in the world could. I hope that she will find it in her heart to forgive my foolish weakness, someday.

I look forward to getting to know some of you in this community and I hope that we can all beat this together.

Drew.

[johndonato]

My friend and I call you that cause I feel for you.

You are not alone, you can count on me for support.

all the best hope to talk with you more..

John D

[dave]

Welcome here to this site . . .

It takes a great deal of courage (and desperation) to reach out for help
I was in similar shoes to you.
I have just reached 12 months clean and it is a big change.
I am 57 and still with my wife after some 36 years !

Here's what worked for me.
- I white-knuckled it for a few weeks - withdrawl was a struggle but I was determined
- I disclosed to one trusted friend. It is often said we are only as sick as our secrets. That friend gave me a lead on a 12 step group - SAA
- I attend SAA - that has been a great help. Before the first meeting I was terrified about facing others but I left feeling I had found people who knew the way through this mess
- I found a counsellor through an SAA member. This has made an even greater difference. Members of SAA know which counselors understand the challenges SA face.
- I check in on this site almost every day
- I have renewed my prayer life. I am not a conservative christian but I have felt a power greater than myself guiding me. This mystery keeps me on the right path. My wife commented that beyond the clean lifestyle, my spiritual changes are most attractive to her.

At first I just 'quit' but gradually I moved on to 'recovery '. I suffered quite the withdrawl but I stayed clean. As that happened and with the above help I began to see things so much clearly.

I can now understand plenty about how I got into and stayed with P/M (and sx) for all those decades as a way of coping with life challenges. It is still not always easy but my confidence about staying clean has grown, my integrity has returned and I am more at peace with myself than at any point in recent decades.

Take care and I hope you can use some of my experience to move into recovery.

Dave

[Mancub13]

John and Dave,

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I look forward to getting to know everyone here a little better on this journey. Thanks agai

[johndonato]

Mancub whats going on anything new, how goes the battle ? jd

[Desert Ghost]

Welcome here to this site . . .

It takes a great deal of courage (and desperation) to reach out for help
I was in similar shoes to you.
I have just reached 12 months clean and it is a big change.
I am 57 and still with my wife after some 36 years !

Here's what worked for me.
- I white-knuckled it for a few weeks - withdrawl was a struggle but I was determined
- I disclosed to one trusted friend. It is often said we are only as sick as our secrets. That friend gave me a lead on a 12 step group - SAA
- I attend SAA - that has been a great help. Before the first meeting I was terrified about facing others but I left feeling I had found people who knew the way through this mess
- I found a counsellor through an SAA member. This has made an even greater difference. Members of SAA know which counselors understand the challenges SA face.
- I check in on this site almost every day
- I have renewed my prayer life. I am not a conservative christian but I have felt a power greater than myself guiding me. This mystery keeps me on the right path. My wife commented that beyond the clean lifestyle, my spiritual changes are most attractive to her.

At first I just 'quit' but gradually I moved on to 'recovery '. I suffered quite the withdrawl but I stayed clean. As that happened and with the above help I began to see things so much clearly.

I can now understand plenty about how I got into and stayed with P/M (and sx) for all those decades as a way of coping with life challenges. It is still not always easy but my confidence about staying clean has grown, my integrity has returned and I am more at peace with myself than at any point in recent decades.

Take care and I hope you can use some of my experience to move into recovery.

Dave

Mancub,

Dave has stated some very good advice and let me add that professional help is also a good thing, but it might take time to find the right professional to work with.