New member, same problem.

[Robby]

Hello everyone. I just wanted to say this is my first time posting on here and thank you to all the people for posting their stories and their daily struggles, as I'm going through the same things as well.

My name is Robert, I'm 36 years old and run my own business. Like many other people here I've had this P addiction for a long time now. It is truly a disgusting problem for me. My addiction probably started in my teens by looking at my friends dads Playboy stash. Also when my family got cable with all the "soft-core" movies on there. But of course this things only led to me to look for harder and more intense P.

Fast forward 20 or so years and I've might have ruined my marriage to the most perfect woman (sorry guys she is) in the world. She has confronted me twice before about my online P use. I told her I would stop and for 2-3 weeks I would stop my online use. But this last time (2 days ago) I've truly seen the damage and hurt that I've caused her. We're also trying to start a family and I don't want this anywhere around our family. I need to be a better man to have a child.

I've already started to take steps to try and help myself. This site is truly amazing to see how many other men actually have this problem and have conquered this addiction. It makes me feel that there is a hope for me as well. I've installed k-9 protection on the computer and will just use my computer at home and not at work, where I'm by myself and the temptation is the strongest. I'm also going to seek outside help as well, from a counselor/therapist.

Hopefully as time goes on I'll be able to overcome this addiction and be a better husband and friend to my wife. I just hope she understands how serious I am this time and not just making another empty promise.

Sorry for going on for so long, but I just needed to finally admit to myself and to others how big of a problem online P is for me. I would appreciate all the help, guidance and support you guys could give me.

Thank you
Robert

[Charly22]

Good luck to you and your wife. It always makes my heart glad to see that someone else has yet again realized the true nature of the beast. You are in a great place...don't give up.

[rugbysteve]

Robert,
Welcome to the TTF forums. I can truly say that these forums have become a safe place for me to help conquer my own PA. I am glad you found your way here after realizing your problem. Just like you, I very nearly ruined my relationship with my PA.

Overcoming PA is a huge struggle, as I would guess you are already aware. The steps you have taken already are tremendous. It is hard enough admitting that it is a problem, but to see that you have installed a web filter (I use the same one) and are taking steps to limit your computer usage shows that you are committed to really freeing yourself.

There are two suggestions that I offer to you. The first is to start a journal in the recovery journals section if you haven't already,
Recovery journals - TTF community forums
and to make it a habit to come back regularly, even if it is just to pop in and say hi. I have found that coming here regularly keeps my mind focused for the rest of the day.

The second one is to make a plan. This worksheet is a great place to start: More about ThroughTheFlame.org
The basic strategy that has worked for me is 1) Find out what situations "trigger" my urge to look at P and plan my day to avoid them and 2) Have a list of activities I can do when I do end up with a (sometimes unavoidable) urge, that I can immediately switch to. Changing your surroundings and making yourself busy is a great way of making those urges go away.

Again, Welcome to TTF. I wish you strength in your struggle. We are all here with you.
-steve

[Robby]

Thank you very much for your support so far. Even though it's only my first day, I've started a journal and will try and keep up with it as often as possible. And I will definitely be stopping bye often, just to say hi or tell how I'm feeling that day.

Thanks again
Robby

[Rowlf]

Hi Robby,

Welcome to TTF. I hope it's a place of change and healing for you as it's been for so many of us.

Steve has given you so good advice. The planner is very useful. The greater the clarity with which you can identify triggers and then work out a effective strategy to counter them the more solid your recovery will be.

Congrats on starting a journal Do post some of your personal story there - it helps us to get to know you better and thus know how to help more.

A useful section to look at is the stickies in this forum. the journey isn't easy at times but it is more than worth it. We can live a fuller life with P.

Take stuff one day at a time and stay clean, just for today.