Hi! I'm just getting started

[Laniet]

Hi everyone on the TTF forum. Before introducting myself, I would like to say that this site and it’s users are playing a major role in my inspiration to quit PA. Thanks.

I am 18. It has been more than 4 years since I began using P. At those days, I didn’t have the maturity to notice what I was getting involved with. I felt normal that days, just as my schoolmates did.

But now, things have changed... I started to notice that my hobbies, my efforts on studies, my plans for the future, the ways I socialize with others... everything... have been replaced by my wrong habits.

Since the middle of 2008, I realized I had “kind of” a problem. I noticed that I started to MB more often and more frequently, and wanted to quit. I tried but didn’t succeded, and as time went on, I started to put the problem away, telling myself it was me that was acting “too right”... what an useless tought...but I holded tight on it, refusing the need to change.

I had to learn from life to finally get inspiration to stop. I had an exam in the end of 2008, in order to enter University. I studied, I sure did... and a lot! But, thing is, I didn’t pass... I was almost classified, but didn’t make it. It hitted me as a strong punch, and I started searching for what I did wrong. Not long after that, I realized. It was PA. When I went to class, I remember being distracted easily by my thoughts and girls. Of course, that took out the study rhythm I needed to be into. I used to stay on the school to study at the afternoon, because if I came home, I would be alone... and one thing I learned. If I am alone, that’s a problem. It makes overcoming urges much harder to me. I feel powerless, to be more precise. So, I stayed there studying. But the room was crowded, and I used to study and look to girls at the same time. (-_-). To make things worse, everyday at home, I waited for my parents to go to bed (that was about midnight), to start my “daily hunt”. Pfff, I ended up sleeping about 5 hours a day for the entire year, and felt less concentrated, less smart, and sleepful at class. I understood that it was the result of a big problem, and didn’t want to make it bigger.


That’s not the way that I want to live. I used to “dream” about a girl that would have the same hobbies that I do (reading japanese comics, playing videogames, playing music), but even that dream turned into a frenetic and non-rewardable search for a girl which first quality was “beauty”. I stopped reading the japanese comics. I think it has been almost three months since I hadn’t read one of them, and I am a big fan! I replaced that hobbie with P. After that, it was playing music. I started to set aside the instruments in order to “use” my personal computer. And, lastly, was videogame. I still play, but I used to be a HUGE fan of it. I played every game that would be classified as a big classic, and so on. Nowadays, when I am doing related things to games, I read websites about them, before MB. Before getting my “free time”. I would prefeer to call it “locked time” right now.

P has took everything that was good on me. I can still pass the exam, but I will lose one year, that’s for sure. But what is one year compared to a life of illusions, hiding and full of bad habits? I want to change. I really do! And now I WON’T fall! I want to go straight to my healing. I know I am strong, I just forgot what it is like to be like that. It wasn’t just a coincidence that I found out about TTF just when I needed it the most. And I won’t let this chance pass. I can not go on living like that, I donn’t want to. Now, I want really to feel what it is to live.

Thanks for the attention, and sorry if it was too long, I just had to put everything out.

[Newman]

I want to change. I really do! And now I WON’T fall! I want to go straight to my healing. I know I am strong, I just forgot what it is like to be like that.

Laniet,
Welcome to the site and congratulations on recognizing that you have a problem. Its good that you have realized this while still a relatively young man. Its also a good thing to be determined to address the problem. I think much of our problem is that we've forgotten how good life can be without relying on porn. My two cents worth is that while a desire to change is good and necessary, that desire, by itself usually isn't enough. I think you need to put together a recovery plan. Here is an outline of a plan that I've used. It isn't a one size fits all and you'll probably need to modify any initial plan to adopt what works and jettison what doesn't.

1. If you have a "stash" of porn somewhere, get rid of it, all of it. Completely.
2. Create barriers to your access to porn to make access as difficult as possible. Ideally, porn should be impossible to access. For example, consider using computer filters, blocks or accountability programs. If your regular path to work takes you by an arcade, use another route.
3. Identify those circumstances/situations that trigger the urge to use porn and avoid them.
4. Make a list of what you are going to do to re-direct your attention when the urge to view porn hits. (Call a friend, go for a walk or a drive, visit with a co-worker) My experience has been that if I can re-direct my attention for 10 minutes or so, the urge will pass.
5. Read up on this problem using this site and others like it as well as the books that have been written by people such as Dr. Patrick Carnes.
6. Read posts by men who have lost their wives, children, girlfriends and/or jobs because of porn. Also read the posts by the SOs who have been affected by porn addiction.
7. If you have a friend/mentor/counselor/priest/pastor etc. that you can trust with this information, tell them about your problem. This seems to take much of the strength from the urge to continue using porn.
8. Depending on how much success you have otherwise, consider seeking outside professional help. I resisted this for a long time but wasn't having much success until I did.
9. Commit to getting control of this problem every day.
10. If you mess up, analyze what went wrong, decide how to avoid the problem in the future, modify your plan and get back to work.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Broken Rick]

Welcome to the forums Laniet! You and I have alot of interests in common! I too enjoy video games and reading japanese manga. Naruto is my favoriate!

Anyway, im glad you decided to end your porn addiction. And you have allready taken the first few steps into your recovery. I would defiantley follow newman's advice and begin the list he started. Also set up a recovery plan and set some modest goals. The first few weeks are often the hardest.

Also, keep in mind that porn addiction is not just a short term recovery process. Some people take months, others many years. So when you get a moment, take a look at the recovery forums section and read up. Glad to have you here!