New Guys Burden

[Gary]

Hey, I'm Gary, I've had a PA since I was 13 or 14. I never imagined what it would lead up to. I'm 23 now and until just a few years ago started to realize it might be an issue. Even when I thought it might be a problem I didn't take action, and now I'm regreting it.

I've met this girl that I know I could ask out, and I know she's probably waiting for me to, but I can't get passed when the time comes I won't be able to have a sexual relationship because porn is what I like most. Porn has a hold on me. It's not a constant addiction for me, but it's to the point where it is all that I know or enjoy. It's become a habit. I'm so angry with myself for the years that I've spent with this. It's going to take a long time to undo in my brain, but I'm so sick of it, I'm going to cut it out of my life if only for punishment. Hopefully though, It can lead into a healthy relationship one day. Until then, I can't bring myself to put my burdens on someone else.

[tkstriving]

Hey, I'm Gary, I've had a PA since I was 13 or 14. I never imagined what it would lead up to. I'm 23 now and until just a few years ago started to realize it might be an issue. Even when I thought it might be a problem I didn't take action, and now I'm regreting it.

I've met this girl that I know I could ask out, and I know she's probably waiting for me to, but I can't get passed when the time comes I won't be able to have a sexual relationship because porn is what I like most. Porn has a hold on me. It's not a constant addiction for me, but it's to the point where it is all that I know or enjoy. It's become a habit. I'm so angry with myself for the years that I've spent with this. It's going to take a long time to undo in my brain, but I'm so sick of it, I'm going to cut it out of my life if only for punishment. Hopefully though, It can lead into a healthy relationship one day. Until then, I can't bring myself to put my burdens on someone else.

Hey Gary-

You're only a couple of years younger than I was when I first started looking at P videos...(I'm 49 now.).

I applaud you greatly for having the maturity and the wisdom to try and address this porn addiction (PA) at such a young age.

Trust me Gary....if you deal with and defeat this now you will save yourself an unbelievable amount of wasted time, money and emotion. I have been addicted for years. This is only my 4th day to be clean, but I am extremely serious about quitting for good this time.

There are a lot of great people on here. They will jump in here at some point and give you both great support and advice. Read all of the articles you can that are on Through The Flame. Start a journal immediately so that you can let everyone know how you're doing, what you're feeling...etc.

I'm proud of you Gary. P (Porn) can't compare to a real, intimate relationship with another human being.....It might not seem that way right now, but that is the truth.

We both can do this!

Best wishes to you friend.

TK

[munkman12]

Hi i can't say my real name so my name is munkyman. Im 12 years-old and know that my pa is a problem. I know im really young. Im a Roman Catholic and porn is a big no no. Please help me. Theres this girl i like at school and she likes me too. But my pa is going to ruin our frienship. Help me get off of this addiction.

[Gary]

Hey Gary-

You're only a couple of years younger than I was when I first started looking at P videos...(I'm 49 now.).

I applaud you greatly for having the maturity and the wisdom to try and address this porn addiction (PA) at such a young age.

Trust me Gary....if you deal with and defeat this now you will save yourself an unbelievable amount of wasted time, money and emotion. I have been addicted for years. This is only my 4th day to be clean, but I am extremely serious about quitting for good this time.

There are a lot of great people on here. They will jump in here at some point and give you both great support and advice. Read all of the articles you can that are on Through The Flame. Start a journal immediately so that you can let everyone know how you're doing, what you're feeling...etc.

I'm proud of you Gary. P (Porn) can't compare to a real, intimate relationship with another human being.....It might not seem that way right now, but that is the truth.

We both can do this!

Best wishes to you friend.

TK

Thanks for the support TK, I heard of the journal and think I'll give it a go. I'm aware that PA is a serious problem when I suffer the imbarrasment of not being able to perform as i'd like with another women. Enlight of it i've opt'ed for the single life but recently as I mentioned, a door of opportunity has presented itself to begin a relationship. I'm having seconds thoughts about pursuing it because of my PA. It really sucks to know that I'm the one that put muyself in this position.

That fact alone is what will bring me the strength to say no to porn all together. I can beat this. I just hope it will pay off and I can pursue a real meaningful relationship with a REAL women and not a wmv. file.

Keep it up brother! We can do it.

[Gary]

Hi i can't say my real name so my name is munkyman. Im 12 years-old and know that my pa is a problem. I know im really young. Im a Roman Catholic and porn is a big no no. Please help me. Theres this girl i like at school and she likes me too. But my pa is going to ruin our frienship. Help me get off of this addiction.

Hey munkyman, that's awesome that you're already seeing this as a problem. As you grow up, your friends/peers will always talk about porn and how it is cool or whatever. But its affects are differnet for everyone. For some people porn doesn't actively affect their lives. But for some, like myself, who started at around your age; it is dangerous.

Your mind begans to associate porn with real sex. Pretty soon it can be all that will satisfy you. Then later, when you have a real relationship, sex can become boring. You can't click a new video because your bored with that girl. You don't have to look another in the eyes. You can't experience the intamacy needed for a healthy sexual relationship. The physical excertion can be distracting. Not to mention, your partner may think she's not enough. You can explain the situation but how will that make you feel? Dirty? It's an aweful feeling.

I experienced it when I was 21. It was absolutely embarrasing. At the time I didn't know what was wrong with me. Was it erectial dysfunction (ED)? No, I was fine with porn. I began to see the correlation. At age 12 you can change this before you get to a serious, long lasting relationship. I only hope some of my story can help. But remember, if you keep up with a PA it WILL have an affect on your future relationships. Stay strong and learn from other's on here. Good Luck

[Rowlf]

Hey Gary,

Welcome to TTF. You're in the right place to help get clear and clean of PA.

Sounds like you have the determination to make PA a thing of the past in your life. Build on that. There are some useful tools on the site.

Have a look at the stickies and the advice there.

Use the planner to write out what you know right now about your triggers, how they occur and what you will do when they re-occur.

Have a look at the recovery journals. Starting a journal and writing in it every day is an excellent way of tracking your own progress and allowing others to help you in your journey.

Congratulations on taking this first step and good luck!