Glad to be here

[timetoheal]

I'm new here and have only been married to my spouse a little over a year. I truly didn't know how bad my husband's porn addiction was til he moved in with me and my young son. Like many I'm tired of all the excuses I get, how it affects our sex lives, and I worry my son will catch my husband in this horrible addiction. I found out a year into our marriage my husband had a whole hidden hard drive full of videos and pictures and his regret was getting caught by not closing out a window more than how it made me feel.

I used to think a little porn wasn't harmless til I realized a little porn to my husband could be hours at night where he comes to bed at 3 a.m. when he says he'll be there "in a little bit." He calls me nosy when I catch him and I asked him how he'd feel if every time I caught him watching porn I'd get on my phone and have "phone sex" with some strange guy. He says it's not the same and I laughed at him. Just because you don't meet in person and act out the fantasy doesn't mean you don't get aroused and want to pleasure yourself ALONE. Sigh.

These images my hubby has are now showing up in our bed and I feel like he's not with me when we are being intimate. I may be the body but I'm not the one in his mind he's with. I look forward to learning a lot here and the support I'll get.

[Michael]

Hi Timetoheal.
This is good place for you to be. You can find tons of information to help explain what going on. Allot of us on the other side of the fence, such as myself, would be happy to answer any questions or give you our view. It might explain some the things you seen in your husband as to the way He reacts or what He's having to deal with. We're all here with same goal.

[Abbie]

Hi Timetoheal,

Welcome to the forums. It's sad that you're here, but you really are in a great place.

I'm the wife of a PA (porn addict), and your story is similar to mine (my husband was in denial for so long!).

I would suggest you read through the journals of the SOs (significant others) here:

Journals for SO's - TTF community forums

Then perhaps start your own?

You'll notice that people often post in others' journals (even PAs and SOs in each others'), which really helps us to understand the problem from each side.

It would be great if you could get your husband to join too (which is a whole new job in itself if he is in denial), but I wouldn't expect too much from him yet. I had a struggle to get my husband to even confront his addiction and take ownership of it, let alone try to stop it.

I wish you love and am sending virtual hugs, I hope you stay around as, although it sounds a bit cheesy, there is so much help on here, sometimes just a reply can make us feel somewhat better from someone in a similar situation.