Post 1, Day 1

[Michael]

Hi everyone,
My name is Mike. I am addicted to porn. I have been an addict for over 20 years. I have tried to quit at least 3 times, this being the 3rd. I want out!

My perspective:
Porn likes to make you think it can keep you from being alone, that it can understand you, that it can support you. When in reality its the opposite. You just playing a mind game with yourself. Porn can give you a short satisfaction, but the price for that "fix" is lifelong slavery to it. You worship it and it commands you.

Over the years I missed out on many opportunity's because I cherished my "alone" time with my porn. Its made me take path's Id wish I hadn't and made me see things that I regret.
Ive lost allot of time, money. Ive also, lost love. Love from others and love for myself. Recently I lost someone that means the world to me. I say this because I hope she reads this. After all the years of hiding and untrust and wondering She left. This was 4 months ago. This split was the second. The first was about 4 years ago. Both related to infidelity but the second time she realized I was addicted to porn. At first she wanted me out, fearing for her family. I agree. When She asked me back I declined. I declined because I was tired of hurting Her and hiding things from Her. I know I needed help and I wanted her with me, but strangely didn't want her there because I was ashamed. What Ive realized is that the need for porn masked my love for her. Now that my eyes have been opened I see that I love her way more than porn. I'm not doing this just for her, but for me, us and our family. If I still have one that is. It may be too late.

For the others newcomers:
Read everything Ive said and feel the pain in it because there's alot there. Don't wait like I have. Don't miss out on life. Don't miss out on love. Porn is a thief that pretends to be your best Friend, it will rob you blind while you eagerly give all you have to it.

Thanks for reading.
Mike.

[Daniel]

Hang in there Michael. I feel your pain. One of the toughest things to consider is the damage done and the time lost. The good news is by getting clean you can redeem the time. You will appreciate everything so much more. More than you ever did before. Perhaps she will come back, and I hope she does. Recovery is a long road. She may or she may not. At the end, you are free regardless. This is something worth shooting for!

God bless your efforts to stay clean and get P out of your life once and for all,

Daniel

[Michael]

Thanks Daniel,
We still talk and even go out now and then. At least I know She's there and that She cares. Im not sure I can do this without Her though.
My next task is triggers and workarounds.