Hi

[Rouge]

I'm from Atlanta, Ga and I am engaged to someone with PA, who has joined this site. I'm really proud of him for coming here. I'm just scared that things won't get any better. I don't feel comfortable talking to my friends about this, and I feel really alone. Sometimes I really don't know how to deal with it because it makes me feel ugly and like I'm not good enough. Can anyone give me advice on hanging on through the harder times. And how can I support and help him?

[FoolishMind]

Hi Rouge, Im really glad to hear that your partner is already on this site. That shows a real good want and need to do something and change their life for the better. A PA did not become a PA overnight, in the same way it will take some time for a PA to completely learn to control it.

You should be proud of him, as im sure he is with you to show the strength of character to understand and support him. I can also fully appreciate your scared, and doubtful at times. But you will see a difference in him as the period of abstinence of P grows.

Most partners of a PA will agree that they have felt some form of self loathing because of their partners abuse of P. That is completely understandable, again, this will not heal overnight, but have faith, if your husband, becomes active on this site, and you also read the journals of other members here, you will gain a better understanding of why things happen, and how things can get better.

Be positive, be open with each other, and before you know it, your relationship will blossom to new heights.

Wish both you and your partner the best in strength in your individual journeys.

[Cobalt]

So it's known and therefore not confusing: Rouge is my fiance.

I know you're scared, and sometimes, so am I. And I'm sure that'll happen from time to time. But I'm just glad you're here and willing to help me. You know I love you more than anything.

[Rouge]

Thanks alot FM, I really appreciate the support. I find that one of my biggest problems is dealing with the fact that the media makes it seem like it should not be a problem for me. Like, it's a normal part of life and I shouldn't be self-conscious about it, or worse that I should like P too. But that really is not who I am.

My fiance has been doing really well lately and I can already see the difference! He seems to be in a much better mood. And on my end I am trying to trust him again. I made a big step by going out on an all day trip with my friend. I can't honestly say that I wasn't somewhat of a nervous wreck all day, (he can tell you that I must have called ten times). I know he spends ALOT of time on the computer and I still get scared when I am not with him when he does. But the day want really well for both us and I am trying to work on trust (which I wasn't really good at before all this happened).

C, it really means alot to me that you wanted me to come on here.It showed me how much you want to change and fix our relationship.

[Cobalt]

You know I love you. =P

[Dominus]

Huh, humm, Would you 2 like to be left alone for a while??;)

Its great to have you both onboard, I have noticed that those who who involve their partners fare so much better. Its very obvious that you 2 make a great team and I wish you all success.

[Rouge]

Tomorrow I am going out of town and leaving C. here. I have to visit my great grandmother. I know he has been depressed lately, and I won't be here to be deterrent. I am kind of scared, I trust him, it's just going to be really hard for me. I don't know what to do.

[Cobalt]

I'll be out with Dad and Ryan most of the day.

But that's scary in an entirely different manner

[FoolishMind]

Cobalt & Rouge, Have you not conisidered having an internet filter put on the computers, or a least a simple logging system, so Rouge can see everything that Cobalt surfs or searches for. This works in two ways. 1) a deterrent for Cobalt and 2) peace of mind for Rouge.

Think about it.

[Cobalt]

I can see that, but I honestly think I'd feel hurt by it. At the end of the day, the things I don't trust myself with don't include computers...but that's not for this forum. I'd feel a sense of distrust, personally. That's just me, nothing against anyone else it might work for.

The things I do online when she's gone are the same as what I do when she's here. A few forums (all of which are safe) and then games and such.

The idea of hurting our relationship works well enough to deter me from anything bad.