The Affair

[Love in a Lifeboat]

Hasn't anyone ever felt like you were the other woman?

The Affair
by Anonymous(LiaL)

Damn it, I think to myself. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and it looks to be a bright and beautiful day.

I get up and he is lying next to me, sleeping. But is he dreaming about me or is he thinking about her? I know he'll have to go back eventually but he is in the house and he's with me. Why can't he just leave her? I give him love, companionship, a home and family.What more does he want?

He groans and gets up. He smiles and tells me he loves me. He cares for me. She could care less. She only wants him for his money. It's not even a real relationship. Because all she knows is how to take and to keep taking until one day there will be nothing of him left. I just pray I'll be able to pick up the pieces and put him back together.

We go about our day like nothing ever changes. But there is the elephant in the room- her.

By evening, he gets anxious. She keeps calling to him. She's intoxicating. He starts becoming irritable and angry and takes it out on me. His words have a vicious bite.

Then I catch him listening to a sound at the "window". At first it sounds like a tentative tapping. Then becomes more insistent a definite rapping perhaps some mewling and maybe a call or two to see if he is in. I stand at a distance watching him trying to fight it. He tries until the scratching begins. Then I know he's lost to me. Clever, clever girl.

She knows he has an itch. Even though she knows she can't come in, and physically touch him, she knows he can't stand to hear her begging and he'll always come to the window and push the curtains aside to take a quick peek. Sometimes,he'll even stay at the window and spend some time with her.

The nails become longer and the scratching turns into outright clawing. The sound is intolerable and it grates on my nerves, making my body tremble. In what? Anger, fury? It turns my stomach, almost making me ill.

He pulls back away from it as he remembers my presence. We don't argue anymore. He walks into another room and shuts the door. And shuts me out.

The weather changes as the brightness of the sun fades and the room darkens from the gathering storm clouds. She becomes angry that he didn't stay longer. She needed more money. Lightning strikes and her face changes like it does so often. Its true natural form takes shape and I can see it clearly through the sheer curtains, gnarled and hideous.

Today is the day. Today is the day I'm not going to stand back anymore. I've had it.

I'm afraid but more angry. I approach the window knowing I shouldn't. The pain and the anger, the betrayal and the frustration is behind that curtain.

Lightning strikes once more as my hand reaches for the curtain of its own volition catching for a moment the brilliance of love and hope of my wedding ring. With strength I don't know where I draw from, I grab a hold of the curtain and yank it to one side. Facing it. P has dropped its facade and it's the devil laughing at me.

We stare each other down for what feels like an eternity.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump. The devil isn't laughing anymore. I turn afraid I might have betrayed him by peeping out into his secret world with P, but it's not him.

It's God.

"He's ready. Go find him. You need him. He needs you. I'll take care of P."

[Charly22]

Love in a Lifeboat,

I am absolutley amazed and inspired by the outlook you have of this issue in your life. I know this says it was written by someone anonymous, but it reminds of the things I have read in your other writings. Thank you for seeing a higher purpose in all of this. Thank you for transcending the pit, and being a life line. I can relate to the writing when it said:

It's God.

"He's ready. Go find him. You need him. He needs you. I'll take care of P."

I relate because now that I am somewhat a few months into having p behind us (god I hope it stays that way) I look back and recall my actions, my words, the strength it took for me to push on him the way I was forced to push on him, the courage it took for me to be willing to walk away from the relationship, the pain I endured, I look back with amazement and think to myself "that was not me".....if it wasn't me.....than who/what was it?

On a little note.....I love your name Love in a Lifeboat.....but must admit, that when I went to type your name to greet you, I wanted to shorten to Loveboat

[Love in a Lifeboat]

Thanks Charly22, I did write it. I also wrote Misery Thy Name is P. But I figured if people wanted to print it for whatever reason, I'm not a particular fan of Love in a Lifeboat as an author pen and also anonymous is all of our voices who feel the same. You made me laugh about the whole Loveboat line. I've done it myself a few times.

[TooSensitive]

LiaL, your analogy is a beautifully written story. Thanks for sharing it here. You have a wonderful way with words, you know. Maybe one day you could publish a collection of the stories you've written.

To answer your original question at the top, "Has anyone ever felt like the other woman?", the answer for me is "yes, and too many times to mention." I don't like being the other woman, esp. when I should be the only woman.

Charly, sometimes that voice comes out of us, that voice of strength that seems to turn the tide somehow, or at least in that moment, and we don't know just where that voice came from. But it did come. Sometimes I do think that God speaks through us, and certainly works through us in amazing ways that can have a profound effect upon another.

[Love in a Lifeboat]

Thanks, TooSensitive. I don't think that it's about being the only woman but being a woman who should be respected in her home, in her family and in her marriage. That is what we all deserve. My H often calls me unique because not too many people feel as I do about our names. It goes with us through our lives and I have worked hard my whole life to have respect for myself and my home and my name. Everyone controls that and I've decided to take it back. When dirty awful things cross our ways, it's difficult to hold fast. We want to not confront because it causes hurt. My therapist said I didn't want to hurt him and cause him pain and getting someone to change does that. But you have to or we die inside. The therapist explained to me as we begin to feel better because we are getting help and improving ourselves through therapeutic measures, our PAs see that change and if they aren't changing they might begin to feel resentful because they see us blossoming and they're still the same. They still have problems and can't figure out why they feel miserable.

I guess being ridiculed my whole life led me to hold to my faith, my morals and somehow I let myself be convinced by stupid friends and the popular media that p was normal. But it's not. Let's unmask it for what it is: degradation of another human being. It's nothing more but recorded and pictured prostitution. The devil has a way with words and corrupted the law. But God is the ultimate judge.