A child's toy

[Love in a Lifeboat]

"Why do you want to take away the one thing that makes me happy and you find annoying?"

That rings in my head everyday of every moment. It makes me so angry.
His face was the best, he spoke it so softly and like a little kid who has a favorite toy that I'm threatening to take away. Pouty faced too.

My Therapist says he wants his cake and eat it too. He feels that since he provides financially, he gives me every whim, he feels entitled to this one thing. But this one thing is bad and very addictive. It destroys trust and that is the root for every relationship to grow on.

I think most of the PA's here are mature and self aware enough to see that this is the beast that makes you think keeps on giving but really just keeps on taking until there is nothing left. You are wearing your big kid pants and making a change in the exact direction you need to take. Bravo.

My H is highly intelligent and kind. He does charitable work and works hard. But he psychologically cheats on me. No matter how you serve it up. This duality in his life must be a horrible thing to hold onto. Is he punishing himself?

I stay in the lifeboat waiting to throw out the lifepreserver.

[astander]

My husband framed it to me that way a few times. Something along the lines of, "you just want me to be unhappy, to take away this thing that makes me so happy." Oh really? makes you so happy, does it? Because you seem miserable.

[Love in a Lifeboat]

I know makes you feel guilty. Clever, clever demon. It tries to turn everything back on you. And he miserable. He blames his job but really he has been miserable for a long time. And it's all because of P and his hiding it. Thanks, astander.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

"Why do you want to take away the one thing that makes me happy and you find annoying?"

Really? Wow. If this was said to me, I would find a way to shove said toy where the sun don't shine. Grrr!

1. The one thing that makes him happy.... looks like he needs something else to live for.
2. The one thing you find annoying... really? He thinks you find it annoying? I can think of many things it makes me feel, but annoying is not one of them.

Love, I realy hope your approach to this works. I have found that in VERY few situations a person will give up their addiction while their loved one puts up with it. Not that you put up with it per se, but the addict thinks this way... "If she REALLY hated it, she would leave. She puts up with it, plus I get all the perks of marriage, so why should I give it up?"

I wish you well and hope your husband figures it out.