Hi

[Aloevera]

I just wanted to drop in and say hi and to recommend two great books for the other SO's to help you with healing.
The Art of Power by Thich Nhat Hanh
This needs some explanation as the title is misleading.
Hanh writes about 5 powers
He writes about 5 Spiritual Powers
The Power of Faith
The Power of Diligence
The Power of Mindfulness
The Power of Concentration
The Power of Insight


The other book that has really helped me understand the destructiveness of lies is
M Scott Peck's
People of the Lie

I am doing fine. The new generation anti depressants I am on help, but since GH moved out I have felt an enormous weight lifted off me.
I still have hopes for him, that he will recover, but I don't think there is hope for our marriage. He has too much self hatred still and I am putting myself and the children first.

[JenMac]

Hey AV!
So great to hear from you! I am so glad you are came here and let us know you are doing okay!
Thank you for the book suggestions! I will seek them out!
I am glad that you are looking after yourself and your needs! It is important that you do just that!
Hugs for you AV!
Welcome back!
Jenn

[Aloevera]

Jenn
Thank you for your warm welcome back.

I am receiving so much support and love from people around me.

GH left us you see, so I have had to go on unemployment benefits, and as I am still trying to finish my phd social security look like putting me on a widow's pension, of all things. We are so lucky to have such a wonderful system here in Australia. Uni has also been wonderful as they really want me to finish, of course they have a lot of financial investment in me, but my supervisors, whom I consider friends, also care that I finish for my sake. I feel fortunate.

[JenMac]

You ARE very fortunate AV!
See it all depends on how we perceive things in our lives! And you are looking at things in a positive light even through difficult times! And that AV is a great way for you to be at this difficult time as it will give you strength to carry on!
Take care!
Jenn

[Aloevera]

Hi everyone I hope many of you SO's who are on here will read this post by me.
I have not been on here much as I cope with the fall out of my husband leaving us. But I must let you know it is wonderful to not have in my life anymore.
Last week someone used the term 'malignant self-love' and it immediately struck a chord for me, so today I googled it and read excerpts from a book about narsicism (spellcheck). I recommend you all to have a look at this. I am not suggested that all sex/porn addicts are narcissists, but I think that the self abuse inherent in sex/porn addiction leads the addict down this road, and hence our incomprehension of what is going on.

[TooSensitive]

Hi AV,

Great to see you here today! I am sorry for what you have gone through in the aftermath of GH leaving, but I am glad there has been some breaths of fresh air for you in terms of not having his addiction be a part of your daily life any longer.

I haven't yet googled "malignant self-love", but it sounds very unhealthy. With any luck, and hopefully with recovery, the addicts who do have that will turn the tables and learn how to have "self-love" instead, which sounds like it would be the healthy counterpart.

Stay well, and hope to see you here again soon!

Fondly,
TS

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

HI AV-

I am sorry about your marriage but HAPPY you are finding strength and peace.

[Aloevera]

Thank you TS and Won
I am happy. Like Jen says we can look for good things, through the difficult times. One of the good things for me, that has come out of this time is that I am now conscious of my relationship with God. I have always believed in God, but I was not aware of my relationship with God. Now I am, and this helps in so many ways. Mostly it is about how I can be the best person I can be, make mistakes - sure - but still work on being the best person I can be, especially being the best mum I can be. Our two girls of 11 and 13 are really struggling, each in their own way, we are fortunate in that we have the support of the local Bahai community, which the girls have been active in for about 5 years.
On GH's addiction, I still have to deal with it, as he is his addiction, I think. He has not let it go. This means it affects his relationships and attitudes to everyone, including his daughters. Children need to be protected from the addicts skewed perceptions and warped thinking.

[JenMac]

HI AV!
So great to hear from you!
AV, I can hear the strength in you! You are working your way through this and you are there for your girls, to assist them as well. You are doing your best through difficult circumstances.
I am glad you are finding your way to a peaceful place.
I agree that you still have to deal with the affects of the addiction. I knew that whether I chose to stay in my marriage or not, I would still have to deal with the aftermath of it all. It wouldn't just magically disappear just because I chose to end my marriage. But there is a peace that comes to us when a difficult decision is finally made, and that peace lets us know we have made the right choice. I am glad you have found that place AV!
Hugs to you!
Jenn