Baby steps...

[RORAMO]

Today marks one week that my H has been without P. He mentioned it to me this evening (even though I was keeping track) and seemed somewhat disappointed. He keeps saying "a week is nothing." But, I think it's EVERYTHING if this is really the road to his recovery. You have to start somewhere, right? You can't just jump to a year or two years P free. Baby steps, I tell him. And every day that he is consciously avoiding the very thing that he craves...it just makes me so proud. I can't imagine how difficult that would be. I mean, for example: I'm 5 months pregnant. I am allowed 1 meal of tuna per week (as tuna is high in mercury). I crave tuna more than ANYTHING right now...and if I was told I could no longer have my tuna meal each week, I think I may just lose it. Of course, being told to stop an addiction of P is, in no way, as simple as being told to cut the tuna from your weekly diet. I am, by no means, trying to make light of this. But, it's the only thing that I can use in my life right now to wrap my head around his addiction...even if only slightly. I don't ever want to be in the shoes that he's in right now. I could never imagine trying to cut out something from my life that seems to be so routine...or was, in his case. I give him SO MUCH CREDIT for his one week of being P free! Before you know it, I'll be writing journal entries that talk about how it's been a month...or 6 months!!! But for now, baby steps. Every one of those baby steps is leading him in the right direction. I am so very proud of him. I love him more than words can say.

[Hopeful]

Hi RORAMO,

I just wanted to stop by and welcome you here.

This is certainly the place to be when having to go through this and I must say....it will be baby steps for the both of you but you will get through it.
It sounds like your H is off to a great start and that is what makes all the difference!

[waterlily327]

Congrats to your H on being one week P-free, and congrats to both of you on the pregnancy! It sounds like you are so dedicated to helping him through this, and he is obviously working too if he has gone a full week! I think that it is excellent progress. Keep supporting your H, and remember to take care of yourself too! I look forward to reading more of your journal. I am sorry that you are dealing with this now, but I wish you the best!

[rosie]

Hi and welcome - congrats on the 1 week of p-free.

PA's like to self-punish and see a negative in most things - this resonates with how they feel inside (worthless). So, i am not surprised that he is putting down his 1 week effort - its fairly common, that or, they seem to take the high road and feel overwhelming pridefulness at their achievements - its either or and sometimes ive noticed they go between the two extremes. It is also fairly common for PA's to fear failure, so by diminishing effort they feel safer because they might feel nervous about falling too far.

Of course, being told to stop an addiction of P is, in no way, as simple as being told to cut the tuna from your weekly diet.

I disagree. The difference is, and I know this because I found out quite late in my 3rd (surprise) pregnancy that I was pregnant. I did all sorts of wrong things until the day I found out - including smoking :( The day I found out I was pregnant, I stopped immediately. This is because I had enough care for the life inside of me to change my bad habits - even if I didnt have enough care for myself, I was doing it for someone else that I loved more than myself.

I think once the PA gets some self esteem and feels more valued, they will start making decisions to love themselves...most often they don't feel worthy of self-love, so they sabotage themselves as they dont know any better.

Take care, and hope to see you back here.

[Kathy]

Hi Roramo,
Pleased to see you here...one week free is a 'giant' baby step...it is a start for your 'h' for sure!!!

I'm learning that if something is a matter of life/death to oneself, you'll do whatever it takes to make sure it is a benefit for oneself...

Have a great Monday!