Rosie's secret project

[rosie]

This is a limited time project I want to keep secret,. HR has promised not to read this. I want to put it here so that I can try something new with him to see how it works and if he reads it, it will ruin the whole thing.

HR seems to be at a different place right now, and I was thinking - maybe if I changed my strategy towards him (in secret - with measurable documented steps) maybe there might be a synergy with both moving forward. Maybe it will help us stay married. I am not relying on it, or even hoping for it really, but I figure it can't hurt to try.

Or, maybe it won't. Maybe it will simply help me see things for what they are in a more objective way. And in any case, the things I am going to be doing in this project are kind and caring anyway - so I will have lost nothing for trying. Also, this project will help me focus on and live in alignment with my guiding principles - to be caring and kind and respectful. I have not been doing that lately because my anger and hurt has been consuming me too much. So, if nothing else, this project will help me move back towards being myself again - this is personally healing.

It will be a challenge for me to give when I feel hurt and angry but I am trying to overcome that with Love and kindness because it's important to me - and it can never hurt, regardless of what we end up doing.

So without further ado... The Love Dare.

Feel free to comment anyone.. would love your input/opinions etc :) if you care to share, or if anyone wants to do this along with me would love that! xx

[rosie]

The Love Dare Day 1.

Day 1 - Love is patient
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient,
bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Love works. It is life’s most powerful motivator. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. We are born with a lifelong thirst for love. Love changes our motivation for living. Relationships become meaningful with it. No marriage is successful without it.

Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper. Rather than being restless and demanding, love helps you settle down and begin extending mercy to those around you. Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm.

Patience, makes us wise. It doesn’t rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying. Patience stands in the doorway where anger is clawing to burst in, but waits to see the whole picture before passing judgment. The Bible says, “He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly” (Proverbs 14:29).

As sure as a lack of patience will turn your home into a war zone, the practice of patience will foster peace and quiet. “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute” (Proverbs 15:18). Patience is where love meets wisdom. And every marriage needs that combination to stay healthy.

Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure.

What would the tone and volume of your home be like if you tried this biblical approach: “See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another” (1 Thessalonians 5:15).

Few of us do patience very well, and none of us do it naturally. But wise men and women will pursue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage relationships. That’s a good starting point to demonstrate true love.

The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart.

Today's Dare

For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

[Cupcakemomma]

Oooh! I like it!!! Sounds like a good, healthy challenge. Mind if I go along with you?

[rosie]

Would love you to!!!! :)

[Cupcakemomma]

Then I'm in :)

[rosie]

Do you want to do it in here? I can change the title of the thread to be SO's project or something like that? :D And then others can join in too.

[Cupcakemomma]

Meh, Whatever you wanna call it is fine by me :)

[rosie]

lol just realised you can't change titles anyway. :(

Cool. Anyone else want to join? It's a 40 day dare to "restore love" in your marriage. You will do one dare per day which is relatively simple. It is based on the movie "Fireproof" if anyone wants to google it - its about p-addiction and how it ruins a marriage. You can do some or all, your choice.

The dare is based on the bible but if you are not religious that's cool too, the wisdom is just as good.

Not allowed to post links but if you google "The love dare" you will see what each day entails. This is an excerpt:

The Love Dare personally leads you through daily devotionals, records your thoughts and experiences, and ends each day daring you to perform a simple act of love for your spouse. This 40-Day journey equips you to melt hardened, separated hearts into an enduring love that can withstand the flames of fear, pride and temptation. The Love Dare will help you reinforce and enrich your marriage, earn back a love you thought was lost, and hear more about the One who not only designed unconditional, sacrificial love—He illustrated it.

[NewHope10]

Today's Dare

For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

I take it that this also means to not think anything negative about my spouse. I know for me that sometimes I won't say anything negative - but I'll sure think it, and I know when I "think it" I'm not showing love because what I think in my heart (or in my head)...so I am. Know what I mean?

I love this, Rosie! "The Love Dare" is really doing something loving. Its making a decision to love. And yes...like so many other things - we make the decision to love. And it appears to me that you are making a decision to:

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient,
bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2 NIV

I will be following along with this too.

Thank you for sharing this with us, Rosie!

[rosie]

I take it that this also means to not think anything negative about my spouse. I know for me that sometimes I won't say anything negative - but I'll sure think it, and I know when I "think it" I'm not showing love because what I think in my heart (or in my head)...so I am. Know what I mean?

You can still think negatively, just not say anything negative.

It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

I get what you're saying though NH. But I think the love dare is focused around small steps to show respect, kindness, and care. Eventually you would not think so negatively once you've been through the other steps. That's what i love about it. I have attempted it a couple times before but usually had a new discovery during it and gave up immediately. :(

Thoughts do become things...but if you start by not showing them negativity that is one step above thinking AND showing them negativity, so it's a positive step however you look at it.

Also, is it really possible to stop thinking negatively at all? I don't know if it is. Things everyone does will always annoy me to some extent.