Cupcake's Journal Part 2

[Cupcakemomma]

Well, my other journal mysteriously closed and I don't know how to restore it, so I guess I will start fresh. Maybe that's fitting, as we are having to start all over again today. Even farther back than square one. I'm starting to wonder if it is really an addiction to P or just a compulsive need to lie and hurt and betray. More lies, more chatting with girls he previously tried to cheat with, and to make it more interesting, SHE told me... and she reamed him out for not mentioning during their previous chats that he was in a relationship.
I feel lower than ever, almost to the point of being numb. I want answers, I deserve answers, and all I get is "I don't know" or "I didn't tell you cause I knew you'd be mad". All I can think is if you have to hide it, or sneak around and lie to do it, IS IT WORTH IT?
Now all I can ask myself is if this pain is worth it. Is all the work and time and energy I've committed over the last while just a waste?
I know I'm stronger and more self aware because of it, but is it really worth continuing to put my all into someone who can't or won't even try to do the same?
As horrible as this is to say, I ALMOST wish it had been P, but since he says he stopped that he has relied on other crappy behaviors to fulfill his desire to destroy our relationship.
AND IT'S WORKING REALLY WELL. ~X(

[Missingus]

CCM,

I never posted on your journal before, but I have read most of it... Still working my way through this. I just want to say that I am so very sorry about this latest development in your life. I can't even find the words to express my saddness and empathy at this most recent betrayal. I have no idea what you should do in this situation, but know that I am thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers, as I am sure many other SO's and PA's will on here. You've come so far in your own recovery, I know you will be able to overcome this too, maybe it won't be with your bf but maybe it will! Maybe just maybe, this could be his "rock bottom". I don't know, of course. But I know from reading your journal you will come through, an be a better you because of it.

God bless and many hugs:)

[JenMac]

Hi CCM!
So sorry for the situation you find yourself in and the pain that it is causing to you. I have no advice to offer you but I wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you and I am wishing all the best for you! It is very hard to feel like we can move ahead when we discover someone is being dishonest and untrustworthy.
You have undoubtedly learned a lot since you have come to TTF, CCM. Use that knowledge to assist you in deciding what it is you need to do to move ahead from this, to make you feel safe and loved and respected.
Do for you at this time! You need it and deserve it!
...praying for you....

Jenn

[Cupcakemomma]

Thanks guys. Honestly I'd be lost without everyone here.

[Hopeful]

Morning CCM,

I am so sorry to see what has happened.

We are all here for you and will support you in any way possible.
My thoughts and prayers are with you~~

[NewHope10]

Oh CCM...my heart is going out to you this very moment! I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I don't even have the right words for you. After reading your post, I found myself saying "OH NO!" out loud and had tears formed in my eyes.

You have learned so much in the time you've been here on TTF, and no matter what you decide to do...you will come through it a stronger woman than ever before!

My thoughts and prayers are with you, my dear...

[vintageturtle]

I'm so sorry CCM. (bighug)

[Cupcakemomma]

<3 You guys are the very bestest.

[Cupcakemomma]

Dear Lies and Disrespect,
YOU SUCK. I really wish you would just go away and leave me alone. I wish you would stop putting yourselves inside my boyfriend's head so that the kind, honest and loving person he used to be can find his way back into my heart. I appreciate all the new friends you have brought my way, but I think it is time we went our seperate ways.
Really, it's not me, IT'S YOU. SO go away and don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.
Forever hating your guts,
Cupcakemomma

[vintageturtle]

I really need to remember this perspective and work on putting it into practice! Thanks for posting it.