Hate my doubt feelings...

[Kathy]

Yes, I've been away for a bit (moved daughter back to college and started back at work), but, I'm here again with only a few moments to write down a few words...

My 'h' had edgy feelings earlier this a.m. Over our a.m. coffee, he told me that he didn't do anything, but it still makes me nervous...will he have a weak moment at his work and go hide with his Blackberry??? I believe I had disappointed him with that thought...I do trust him and my God, I can not visualize that thought either, but as I told him again, it's the doubt that's still in the back of my little brain and it won't shake - 'not yet'. I don't like feeling like this. He says he'll be ok...will he??? I've reminded him that when those feelings come back just visualize the painful hurt on my face and what it had done to himself prior to 16 days ago!

Hope this makes sense...too many thoughts in my head swirling and I need to get to work...

Happy Thursday all....

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Kathy,

Our husbands have taught us to doubt our feelings. They have also taught us that when we have doubts, our feelings are invalid and unfair to them. They have taught us this lesson repeatedly over the years. Don't feel bad for having doubts. Maybe over time these feelings will diminish, but right now, doubts are well deserved by our husbands. If PA hasn't detroyed our marriages, I am sure that our marriages can survive a little doubt. >:D<

[TrueBlue]

Oh, Kathy, it was so bittersweet the first (and only time) my hubby told me he was feeling edgy (used the same word too). It took a bit of prodding to realize what he meant. And then I inflated his ego for NOT ACTING on temptation or urges or habit or whatever you want to call it.

But yeah, it makes the doubt flare up. But it also helps when you know he was tempted and abstained.

And WoNLM is right. Our marriages can last through PA, they can surely last through pa recovery.

Hugs,
TrueBlue

[JenMac]

Hey Kathy!
I am sorry you are feeling a little conflicted over your doubts. I think, as the other ladies have said, that it is quite natural for us to have doubts both with our Hs and with our own ability to recognize if there is reason to doubt.
We want to trust. We want to believe what they are telling us. We also want honesty from them when they are feeling at risk.
How do we put that all together in our heads and come to terms with things. Well, I think it would be foolish for us to be completely trusting at this point. My H has always told me what I want to hear, so when he is telling me things now, I sometimes question. What I can do, I guess, is look at his actions. That is what will tell me if he is serious about his committment to recovery. In that I can place more trust. We can't be with them monitoring their every move though so sometimes we just have to learn to let go. There is a slogan in Alanon, Let Go and Let God, which means that for the things that I have no control over, I can place in God's hands with the understanding that I will be strong enough to deal with whatever it is I am required to deal with. I have to do this because I have no control over it. None!
Let Go and Let God, I have used this slogan a lot and even more so recently!
Hope you have a great day Kathy!
Jenn

[Hopeful]

Hi Kathy,

One thing I have learned through this is that one minute I don't trust him and then the next I do. It's a strange thing. But...if he is telling you things up front and being honest, then I think he is on the right path. The worst thing is wondering.....always wondering....and I feel if he can tell you things or situations that he finds himself in when they happen, then he is realizing it. No matter how much it hurts to hear, and I know it does, at least he is being open and honest about it.

It's a double edged sword of sorts.....