First post

[still learning]

I have found myself in unfamiliar territory. First a little background info: I met a wonderful man who brought me back to life after years of depression and feeling unworthy of any man's attention. We immediately connected and could talk about anything! I guess it was about a month into our relationship that he confessed that he was a PA. I didn't know what to say; I have never seen a P in my life! I told him that I appreciated his honesty and if he ever needed to talk about it I would listen. He is a very Christian man and this PA was against everything he stood for. I've heard that P can become an addiction but, as alot of SO's my thought was turn it off. He is much younger than I am so I figured he was exaggerating and just doing typical guy stuff. Boy was I wrong! He would tell me that he wanted to stop and how hard it was. He would tell me when he looked and the shame he felt. I would encourage him the best I could. I knew I had fallen for him because I accepted him even with his PA. (I broke up with a former boyfriend for catching him at a strip club) I didn't do any type of research on PA nor really ask him questions about how it started. I simply listened to him and tried to understand how someone with so many values and morals could succum to P. :-<

[jrock123]

still learning - the problem with the porn addict is that they do NOT think clearly or normally. they have a skewed view of the world and do not have a clear and objective mind and are unqualified to see porn's influence and impact on relationships, self-worth, personal growth.. remember this is an addiction so trying to understand why somebody that is a christian or normally a very moral person could be addicted to porn is hard to understand. I think you are better off looking at this as either drug or alcohol addiction. they are all morally wrong. good people become addicted. we are not all masters of controlling ourselves. the fact is that you know about this addiction and are already talking about it with your partner. you are in a perfect position to nip this one in the bud or opt out of the relationship. as a porn addict, my advice would be to give this more time, keep talking, put internet filtering software on your pc's, acknowledge openly when you do not feel your intimacy as it should be, help him execute a plan to recovery. on the flipside, you could walk away now and not have to bother with it. I can't argue with either approach.


jrock

[still learning]

I knew I couldn't walk away, I felt too strong of a connection to him. I just tried not to think about it. We were in a relationship for four months and he only slipped a handfull of times. When we first started talking I to;d him that the only thing I wanted from him was honesty so I believe that.

[hopefulwife]

Wow. I am very impressed that he told you. That must have been very hard, for both of you. There is so much shame involved with this addiction, I think more than any other. So few people have any understanding tward it and its only getting more prevelent with the various ways of accessing information. It is such a big thing that he told you. He deffinetly wants very much to be free of this and move past it. I wish I could get my hubby to tell me anything.

[still learning]

We have known each other a year and a half now and he is really opening up. We only dated for those four months but, we are "friends". I don't want to push him into a relationship while he is battling his PA. My job now is to listen and support him the best way I can. I decided that I better do some serious research and that's how I found this site. I recommended it to him and he has became a member but, I don't think he is posting anything. He asked me to send him any information I find and that's what I've been doing. A few days ago he sent me the journal he started. It was extremely detailed and I was deeply honored that he shared that with me.

[still learning]

I will pray that your husband finds the courage to talk to you.

[forgotten_not]

I guess it was about a month into our relationship that he confessed that he was a PA.
I told him that I appreciated his honesty and if he ever needed to talk about it I would listen.

That's wonderful that he willingly & openly shared with you that he had a problem with P. I think it's tougher for a man to not only admit that he might be doing wrong, but even harder to ask for help & it seems he's done both with you. Seems a very good place to start, you must mean so much to him, I'm happy for you even though I'm sure it's a struggle for the both of you. I wish you luck! <3

[QueenofHearts]

It is a very good thing that he was open and honest with you early on.

You have to think about how involved you get in this relationship, if you want to invest your heart and feelings in all this knowing that his PA could hurt you continually if he can't get it in check.

Remember that you can't make him change, you also can't be his main motivation. Putting your heart on the line when you are aware of his problems might just be more pain for you in the future.

I know that if KOH had been honest with me from the start, I definitely wouldn't have continued a relationship, it's just been to hard and stressful.

No matter what you decide, if you stick with him and try to help or if you just remain friends...know that he is in charge of changing and no one else can enforce that in him.

Ideally, you want to find a man who has his life in order, and doesn't suffer from too much baggage or any type of addiction. A healthy partner.