new member, new journal.

[jrock123]

twentythree - i am not trying to debate your feelings. everybody has their own definition of addiction. if you read the many journals on this site, the typical PA doesn't go a day without P and MB. many of us needed it 2-3x/day. addiction is constant. its looking for every single nook and cranny of life to look at P and MB. its staying up late, its going to work late, its having less and less and less sex with your SO. its no longer being attracted to your SO's body. All of us are in the position where our SOs think they are not good enough, whether we have sexual relations 1x/year or 5-6x/week. in the end, its deception, disrespect for your SO, selfishness, etc. every spouse feels deceived about finding this out because they HAVE been deceived. my overall point (and I would love to hear the SO's chime in on this) is that what he did was wrong, but there is enough positive out there to not draw any firm conclusions or judge him too harshly yet. Again, please read the many journals. The fact that he loves you enough that he wants to be with you many times/week says that the P is not severe enough to get in the way as it has for the most of us. The good news is that you have caught this early and you should be very firm with him that its not permitted in your relationship. you are in a great position to nip this in the bud. For the rest of us, our SO's found out when it was a 2-3x/day addiction.

Please take care. I don't want to make you angry. your hurt and your feelings of deception are real and I am sorry you have to go through this. No SO deserves this. It is inexcusable.

jrock

[Twentythree]

i have read a lot of the other journals. and it's definitely true - most people's addictions are much further along the path than my boyfriend's, and therefore much more difficult to recover from. i take comfort in that, but sometimes it's a double edged sword in that i feel that things must be worse than they are. i think that for a while i was trying to compete with P, initiating sexual contact to make myself not worry about him feeling urges to look at P... but in the end it didn't matter, and all i was really doing is feeding his libido and encouraging his high sexual threshold.

i'm not angry at all and i really appreciate the comments! it's just that we've come to a place where we both know this is an addiction, and for me OR my boyfriend to change our minds on that would mean a definite relapse into old ways.

[Rainbow]

Welcome Twentythree...

I have to agree with what you've said about feeling like you have to compete with P by initiating sexual contact. I too tried that way and it didn't work either.

I wanted to wish you good luck with everything. I hope that your partner is able to tackle this for your sake and his, and kick this monster out of both your lives :)

[jrock123]

Hey 23 - just checking to see how you are doing and if your man is back in town?

Jrock

[Twentythree]

thanks for thinking of me! he's coming back late tonight. i feel like i might feel better if we try not having sx for a while, as i don't know how his libido will reset itself otherwise, and it seems to have helped almost every other couple on here, in reestablishing intimacy and respect. we can talk about that when he gets home, though. right now i'm just really excited to see him. i miss him, and that's a good feeling in all this mess.