6 days after my world was shaken....

[Brooke_M]

I'm not sure how to even begin this journal. I found out about my husband's PA last Thursday. For months before this, we got in a fights because I would catch him looking at other women. I used to always nag him about telling me everything because I have always had a feeling in my stomach like he was lying. Once he came clean, it went away. And instead of being irrate, or bawling my eyes out like I usually do, I just feel ok. I mean, I hurt all the time but I can't cry. I'm furious at him for all the things I'm feeling bc of his PA but I don't want to yell or vent or argue. I'm just ok. Sometimes I feel numb, sometimes I'm actually happy. Sunday, we had a great day together. We laughed and flirted and snuggled like we haven't done in years. It felt really good.

I'm worried that I'm in shock and that that's the reason I feel kinda numb. I am just so scared of everything right now. I know I need to pray about it and get closer to God. I've been trying. It's still just weird that I'm not feeling it as much as I thought I would... if that even makes sense.

I still have so many questions, and he's been great about being honest with me now. Last night I asked him something, I knew he lied when he answered me but 20 minutes later he admitted he had lied and apologized. That's the first time he's ever done that, since I've known him. He is really trying so hard with this right now but how long will it last? He doesn't even seem like the same man anymore. He seems like a better man than he was before all this PA came out. I pray every single day that God gives him the strength to continue as he's been doing. I try to tell myself that this PA sucks but now I've been given me the opportunity to change my marriage, and build the one I have always dreamt about. For the first time in 6 years, I feel like husband sees me. Like he really listens to me and wants to know about my feelings. It feels like he genuinely loves me again, and that he would do anything to keep me in his life. Marriage counseling starts soon, here's hoping things continue to improve!!

[artguy34]

Hello Brook_M,

Im sorry to hear about your story and I am glad at the same time for you and your husband working on this together.

I am a PA and my wife is also a member here. (Crisodian)

I am also glad that your husband has decided to come clean and is starting to become honest with you. As you both take this journey together, it will be important that he be completely and 100% honest all the time. Leaving no room for doubt.

This road will be long, it will be tough but as long as you both support each other in your healing, then you can find hapiness.
And in your own words: "this PA sucks but now I've been given me the opportunity to change my marriage, and build the one I have always dreamt about." ...this is so true!

I would suggest that you invite your Husband here so he can gain support for his PA as you have done being his SO. This is a place where he can meet people who understand what he is going through and can help in his recovery.

It looks like you have a great start. God bless you and may you both find the true path to hapiness.

[Life-lies-trust]

Brook_M Hello,
I will not say welcome because we all wish our lives were different and we were not here. Even saying that this is a great place with caring SO to post with. We do care about each other and try to support each other on those days that seem to never end.

Sorry that you find yourself here but Here is a HUG just for you.