Honeymoon Phase...am I fooling myslef?

[girlfriend]

Hi,
I am relatively new to the site. I started with the thread,: "Massage Parlor, wedding off.". Well, after catching my f in a lie about geting a HJ, several things have happened. The wedding is canceled, he spent a week in a hotel to let me cool off, he has had two therapy sessions so far with a PA specialist, he admits that he is a PA, he is trying very hard to help himself. For example, he called me the other day to see when I was going to be home, because he didn't want to be home by himself for too long. He opens the shades now in the room where he usually sits. He bought a puzzle for the two of us to work on ( also to occupy his time instead of being on the computer).
The other day I was able to give him a H. This weekend we were together. It was hard at first, but for the first time in a long time, I felt like he was really trying to be "with me".
I'm worried because I don't know if I'm putting all of this behind me too soon. I'm glad we didn't get married, because I would not have wanted to go into a marriage with these issues not being addressed. My stepmom just wrote me an email of support for Valentine's day. Both she and my father lost thousands of dollars in deposit money from the canceled wedding. I feel aweful because my F and I have had a really great weekend together. Am I fooling myself??

[maggie]

Girlfriend...You are very wise to log on to this site and not just try to solve this PA problem on your own.

First, let me say how sad it is that you had to find this out, just before your wedding.

I know how women plan and dream about their wedding and the happiness of being with their partner forever.

However, as painful as your discovery was, you seem to realize that it was better to find out, before the marriage. Yes, the shatterd trust, is greatly magnified when the betrayal occurs within the marital union of two people. The sexual intimacy you share with only your partner feels tarnished.

Sounds like you have understanding parents, the last thing you need now, is someone scolding you for cancelling a wedding and costing them money. Your happiness and future depends on you making the best decisions right now, and going forward with the marriage, at this point, may not be good for either of you.

I've been researching this addiction now for 5 months, and it is a huge problem for the under 30 age group, which is probably where you are. Most of these males were sucked into this in during their adolescent years where their bodies and minds were flooded with testosterone and sexual curiosity.

The easy access to internet porn, and the array of provocative porn sites pulls these guys in and takes over their judgement, before they realize what happened.

It is very encouraging that your fiance is seeking therapy and willing to work on this problem. Try to find the utube clip of the newly married couple, with this problem. I think Katie Couric interviewed them. As newlyweds, the poor wife was shocked when she discovered her h had a serious PA. But, he too sought help and the story ends on a happy note, and they just had their first baby. There is hope.

[Life-lies-trust]

I feel aweful because my F and I have had a really great weekend together. Am I fooling myself??

GF you will have good, bad, stressful, and depressing times as both of you work through this Cr##. This is not something that suddenly just goes away no matter how often we SO would wish it did. There is also no magic pill or program that makes everything better without work from both of you. They say this addiction is about him but you have been dragged into it too by his actions.

Hugs and chocolate to you.