I don't want to waste my life...

[Junebug1944]

I guess this is a good idea, to write out my feelings and whatnot. Everyday I become more afraid that I am becoming more and more attached to someone I cant trust. Im afraid that I will waste my life with someone who will continue to lie and let me down by using p. Trust is essential in a relationship and I dont have that. I dont want to marry him and wake up in 10 years realize hes still an addict.

Im sick of empty promises, quick fixes and not being a priority. When I left to see my family for xmas, not sure if i wanted to continue the relationship, there were so many things he promised. none have happened. NONE. not even looking at the pages he marked in the book he read and mentioned he wanted to talk to me about. Instead money gets spent on unimportant things like video games, movies, tattoos. what about us? what about me? these things bring only distraction to our problem, YOUR problem, that is tearing both us and me apart. its not fair. Im sick of excuses. there are no more chances left because I refuse to waste my life.

[lightseeker]

Hi Junebug (nice name choice)

I welcome you to the site>:D< as always your situation saddens me, i hate to see so much pain.

Just to ask an obvious question, have you both sat down and spoken propely about this?

[lightseeker]

... i mean, have you been completely open and honest with each other since you found out about his addiction, or was it just brought up and left at your husband saying he will change? if that makes sense?

[Junebug1944]

... i mean, have you been completely open and honest with each other since you found out about his addiction, or was it just brought up and left at your husband saying he will change? if that makes sense?

we have had MANY open and honest conversations and I'm not the only one who knows about his addiction and who is willing to help him. His parents, mine and two of our close friends have been here to help.

The problem is I dont like constantly having the same conversation; sitting down and telling him how I feel about what he does, how it affects me and what I need and want him to do for himself and us. While he has made significant improvements (therapy, actually read a book, and stayed clean with two slip ups since September), his lack of ability to be honest with me has significantly diminished our ability to have a healthy relationship.

We try to be happy and work on being ok, but it just seems superficial and then important things get pushed aside because he thinks things are ok even though I mention that things are not ok.

[Life-lies-trust]

It does not sound like he made the decision to get help. If he was pressured into it then he is just making noise to shut people up. This will result in you not being able to trust him. Sorry to be blunt but that is what I keep seeing.

[lightseeker]

Hmmm, it seems like hes making effort then so why is he still finding it hard to open up if he knows that you are right on the edge of walking away? Junebug i wish i knew the answer to that, my advice is limited when it comes to those in relationships, all i can think is that he hasent fully understood your feelings and it is still taking him time to register the whole thing, for some of us including myself it has taken some time to really understand this addiction and how it is effecting ourselves and others, its difficult to see from your situation and i have only my own experiences i can share, it is probably the most embarressing and shameful thing for us to talk about, it is hard at first to know how to deal with it and i can imagine how hard it would be to talk about it, if you can hang in there then maybe in a little time he will be able to open up more to the point where he can be completely truthful at all times, Chrisodian and Artguy are the people that i know best to give advice on this, there are many others too which i havent spoken to on same level yet.

I wish your husband can come on here and see what others have been through, he needs support and proper advice from those that have been through what he is going through, i feel once he has more knowledge and understanding of what this is and talk to people he can share his experiences with (outside of counselling) then he can be persuaded and will feel more comfortable to make more progress with you and understand better what you are dealing with.

I wish i could be of more help and i pray that others will give you more beneficial advice soon.

Take care:)

[Junebug1944]

It does not sound like he made the decision to get help. If he was pressured into it then he is just making noise to shut people up. This will result in you not being able to trust him. Sorry to be blunt but that is what I keep seeing.

I need blunt. There is nothing to be sorry about. I think u may have a point. It makes me sad, but it may be true.

[lightseeker]

He may feel pressured, but he needs to realise that he stands to loose you very soon if he dosent start listening to you, Junebug try get him on here, let him know that we are all here to help and not to judge. Counselling is great but he needs other support and people here are fantastic and know his situation

[Junebug1944]

He may feel pressured, but he needs to realise that he stands to loose you very soon if he dosent start listening to you, Junebug try get him on here, let him know that we are all here to help and not to judge. Counselling is great but he needs other support and people here are fantastic and know his situation

He's on here. His name is smokey.

[Crisodian]

Im sick of empty promises, quick fixes and not being a priority. When I left to see my family for xmas, not sure if i wanted to continue the relationship, there were so many things he promised. none have happened. NONE.

I think this statement sums up his behavior for me. He obviously doesn't understand the scope of the damage his PA has caused the trust in your relationship as a couple. If he truly did, he would grasp that actions speak louder than words at this point. If he is making promises and still not keeping his word, then he is still not committed to being honest with you, IMO.

I went through this with my H as well. He didn't understand how much of an impact even small actions made on my trust for him.

Words mean very little when trust is broken.

Just my opinion. :)

~C~