Life-lies-trust-SO

[FoolishMind]

LLT, your Mum in law, is being harsh and unfair. But this is something YOU cannot change. I like your reference to Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond, so with that you know that Raymond's wife could not give marie any advice or request favours at all. It has to come from Raymond!

My Mum was very similar, always belittled my wife, But I stood strong, and told her to let me and my wife figure things out for ourselves and let us make mistakes and learn from them together. She took it bad, but over time, she came round, and she now knows her boundaries.

This is obviously a big distraction from your main objective in assisting with your husbands PA, if you think the family issue will continuously interrupt this support, then you should deal with the family aspect first and swiftly.

Trying to fix more than one problem at once, will result in problems only being half fixed or not at all. Focus on one, and resolve it properly, then move on to the next.

Deep Breath, channel your frustration and be clear in what you want to acheive, and demand the respect from your husband so that he know that it is beneficial for him to support you in your requests.

FM

[Crisodian]

LLT -
*hugs to you*
I'm sorry you are having a hard time dealing with your MIL. That can be so frustrating. My MIL can also be a real issue. I try to respect the fact that she is my H's mother, but that can be ...more than challenging on some days. I'll leave it at that. :)

I think FM gave some sound advice. I also think it's time that DG draw the line in the sand when it comes to his mother. Right now, recovery is about him, you and your relationship, not what his mother thinks is best for her son. He needs to be the one to tell her, straight out, to back down and let you both heal and do what you need to do as a couple. Hope that didn't sound too harsh, but sometimes dealing with family needs to be handled head on and not with the hope that the issue will go away in time. That's been my experience, anyway. :)

I hope today is a better day for you both and that DG stays strong amid the stress.

Peace,
~C~

[Life-lies-trust]

LLT -
*hugs to you*
I also think it's time that DG draw the line in the sand when it comes to his mother. Right now, recovery is about him, you and your relationship, not what his mother thinks is best for her son. He needs to be the one to tell her, straight out, to back down and let you both heal and do what you need to do as a couple.
~C~

The big problem is since being a small child he has been told "Do not upset your mother she will have a mental breakdown". His counselor does not want him talking to her yet because she is the main trigger to EVERYTHING. He has tried before to tell her to leave us alone but his dad steps in about her mental health from 45 years ago. This is a real MESSY pile of C####.

Pray I will try email later this week and if it does not work then time to go to court.

[Crisodian]

LLT,
I'm so sorry. :( *hugs* Can you simply ignore her? I know that probably sounds daft, but as I don't know the whole situation it's the only thing I can think of ...don't answer the door or the phone?

I hope for the best for both of you and I will say some prayers that a solution presents itself.

*hugs* again

Peace,
~C~

[Life-lies-trust]

LLT,
I'm so sorry. :( *hugs* Can you simply ignore her? I know that probably sounds daft, but as I don't know the whole situation it's the only thing I can think of ...don't answer the door or the phone?
~C~

We have been trying to ignore her and the latest news is that she has to make a trip to our house to check on HER son. I'm working on a email that states we are adults and LEAVE us alone. I hope it will work but would not put money on it.

Thanks for your support everyone.

Now when are the half truths going to stop "He just remembered ****** ".

I love the statement "I do not remember" "I'm not sure" these just make me want to dump the crap out of his head to get it cleaned out. I have started looking at him when he says something that I do not believe and saying "BS that is a lie!! Rethink this area!" Sometimes I'm not real understanding but that has to do with the lies that were hidden since before I met him.

So much for tonight's ramble.

Have a good day with chocolate and coffee.

[Crisodian]

LLT,
One of AG's and my biggest struggles was his inability to recall everything he had done and where (online). Oooo...that one still raises my ire. It took me the better part of a week ..and I mean adressing it daily...to weed out as much as we could about things he had "forgotten" he had done... sites he had "forgotten" about, logins and emails he had "forgotten" about...And like you, I really struggled to remember some of his "hidden" life was long before he met me. Didn't make it hurt any less or make me any less angry.

It was hard. It sucked. No nice way to put that. *Hugs* to you. This is a difficult, yet necessary, phase to go through in this process. As hard as it is, I try to not blow my top when something new that he "forgot" about comes to light. At least, in my perspective and in our journey, he is bringing those items out into the light when he does remember so we can address them and continue to move forward and no longer hiding them and keeping secrets.

I hope you find success in your communication to your MIL. Yesterday mine hit every button she could find to, as it seemed, intentionally make me furious. I was livid by the end of the day. Must be a full moon or something....

Find peace (and LOTS of chocolate!!!)
~C~

[Life-lies-trust]

Well I sent an email out to the outlaws stating that we are adults and NOT accountable to ANYONE else. I had to be blunt and hope she can read what is written. Last email I tried to be somewhat suttle but she assumed he was dieing and I was keeping them from their "Pressious son". Got my Sister in law to call about how I ruined his mother holidays. BS this cr%%% is not my doing but what their actions caused.

Here to hoping that outlaws will leave us alone.

Artguy the idea of words from the PA for me do not mean that much because he has used them as lies for so long. Actions are going to speak alot louder than the words do.

Forgot to add that his stress level is higher because of the possibility of his mother and father showing up without an invatation. They show up I'm tossing them off our property.

Thanks everyone.

[Crisodian]

Actions are going to speak alot louder than the words do.

LOL. I think I use that phrase daily ... if not hourly.

I'm sorry the parental outlaws are still causing trouble. I hope that has not completely derailed recovery for you both. :(

Peace,
~C~

[Life-lies-trust]

Well here is the latest of the BS that he has been believing in. The fantatisy since we have been married have alway been about me. Well guess what that is another LIE. This was about any picture that he was fixaciated on for that time frame and they look nothing like me. Last night was hard to deal with and this morning I have a migraine again.

Lets see where this round goes to and when I have to decide if it is another lie. The problem is he is lieing to himself too, or so he says (I'm still not sure about this). He has been taught as a child that you do not upset the woman in the relationship but keep everything inside. His wonderful father told him and modeled that behavior.

GRRRRRRRRRRR I want to hit something. Maybe time to fire up the Wii active program for the weight bag.

[Life-lies-trust]

just finished another long chat. I'm either at the point of numbness or acceptance and move forward. Not sure which it is yet but I have been morning the loss of our relationship for about 10 years. Yea, I an idiot to have stayed but I did not have proof of what he was doing.

Time will tell all (I hope).