Life-lies-trust-SO

[Crisodian]

LLT -
I posted in DG's journal earlier at his news. It must be so much of a relief for both of you. That is wonderful news and DG is very lucky. Now he needs to stay on the path of recovery, for himself AND for you. He needs to help you heal and work on your relationship for you both.

I wish you both the best,
~C~

[Life-lies-trust]

Last night DG asked for me to give him space to get his head together with the stress of the meeting. He forgot to tell me that he was done. I went silent on him (HEHEHEHE some of it back) this morning when he dropped me at work I ask if he was still needing space. He admitted he forgot that was what he asked and now understood why I was quiet and distance. Fair is Fair!!

[lightseeker]

Hey LLT,

I know a little late but welcome to the site>:D<

I just read through this thread and i was nearly in tears, you are going through a hard time right now and my heart goes out to you.

I wont add anything, i will leave that to the SO's who are better in the know about your situation.
I can imagine its hard but try not to blame yourself, be strong!

My sympathy goes out to you and i hope you guys can make positive progress and move forward.

Take care:)

[Life-lies-trust]

lightseeker thank you. Some days are better than others. I'm trying to dump the S$$$t back on him in small douses rather than all at once.

[Desert Ghost]

To my loving supportive SO, I have read your journal and I know that I may never be able to say sorry enough or grovel enough to make up for the past. But, I am dead set that I'm going to change my way and do not intend to return to the old way of silence and secrecy. The beast is chained in the corner and get smaller and smaller each passing day. But, I know there is still a long way to go. But, with your support and your sometimes hard and harsh questions I can along with you move forward. An I know we can heal our relationship and move forward.

[Crisodian]

What a supportive, caring and special post DG. I am certain your wife will appreciate it greatly!

Be strong,
~C~

[artguy34]

You're on the right path DG. Remember when those times come that we are weak, focus your energy on the people that matter to you.

Working to rebuild your relationship will be a greater reward than succumbing to a fruitless addiction.

Good luck my friend and stay strong!

[Life-lies-trust]

Well I have come down with a head cold. Nomaly only get one a year in October. Maybe the stress of the last month and knowing that more is coming. At least DG is not sitting quietly in his corner with no care for how I feel. This is a good change. BTW after his counceling session this week he brought home flowers (the first time ever).

[Life-lies-trust]

Today I'm in the why mode. Why did he need to MB?, Why did he need P? Why did he need serects?
Why was I not good enough for him? Why did he shut me out on communication? Why, am I hard or costic person? Why, am I not loving or pretty enough? Why WHY WHY?????

There are no answers and I feel down because I do not really understand the whys. I have tried to be supportive no matter what he has wanted to do in life and with health issues too. Why am I not good enough to share what he wants with. After all this time, lies, and secrets why do I still care and hurt?

I'm not sure there are answers to any of the questions.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

LLT-

The why mode. I have been there and I am trying to let go because there are no answers.

My husband keeps reminding me when I ask why, what did I do, what did I do that made him want to do this... it is not about me. It was about him and his selfishness and nothing about me, or that I have done or was willing to do... nothing would have changed his course because it was all about him. This answer does not completely satisfy, because it is so different from how I think. But, if you read the PA journals, you will see most of the PAs say it had nothing to do with their SOs. Their SO could have been a P star, and they still would have their addiction.

I think what I am trying to say is, there are no answers that will satisfy. But, you have to try to realize that YOU, who you are, what you are, what you do, how you act, nothing about you has anything to do with his addiction. He did it because he liked it. Everything else is just an excuse to keep doing it. So, at some point I hope you will be able to see that the person you are is good enough for someone who is not an addict to be faithful to you. And perhaps a recovered addict could be faithful to you too. It is not you. It is him.

I hope tomorrow is better for you.