Life-lies-trust-SO

[Life-lies-trust]

Thanks WNLM,

I talked to him and told him that I had asked about whether or not he was going to disclose what the H### has been going on to me. While talking he admitted that I had asked and he just did not answer. He had no reason why the last 3 times over a time frame of 2 months that he did not talk to me about whether or not he would disclose to me.

[Sonomette]

I haven't been through all of your journal, but the last few pages made me want to give you a hug, a glass of wine, a box of Kleenex and a shoulder to cry on.
I am so sorry you're on this rollercoaster, and I hope you realize and KNOW that you are a person of infinite worth and value.
I'm thinking of you.
S.

[Life-lies-trust]

Sonomette thanks for the hug and I'll exchange the wine for chocolate.

Well FINALLY some progress forward. DG finally came to me and asked to talk. He wanted to give me an overview of what has been going on with him and the addiction. This really help to see that he is willing to be transparent. I am not saying that he has achieved 100% yet but at least it is a step in the right direction.

[Life-lies-trust]

I am feeling much better about everything. I hope that the last of the cr## came out in our talk. This also opened up the avenue for me to ask the questions that I need answered to go forward from this nasty addiction and all the attached roots of it.

[JenMac]

Hi LLT!
So happy to hear about this progress with DG! Hopefully this will just lead to more open and honest communication for you guys! It is a great step in the right direction for sure. It's hard to feel like you are moving ahead or working together until you can feel more certain of what has happened in the past and can feel their willingness to let you in.
Happy for you LLT!
Take care!
Jenn

[lostsoul]

Deat LLT et al, I'm finding this helpful. Lotta reading!

[Life-lies-trust]

I start to see some hope and guess what happens. BAM slap to the face. Last week he opened an email that said S@xy top and then clicked on the link to look at it. He hid what he had done and when he got his daily accountable report the next day he deleted everything. Then he hid it some more and I found out when the weekly report came in as to where he had overridden the blocks. Yup I lost it for the next few days. I feel the worse is that he LIED by omission. That is what he had agreed NOT to do. I am still not in a happy place and his actions speak so loud that his words can not be heard.

Yesterday I had to deal with a pic drawn in one of the textbooks. On top of the stuff from DG I got home and just puked all over the place. I am directing my anger at the abuse that he received because that is where all this cr@p started.

Through this site and other information DG has learned that he is more of a SA than PA because most of his images were not about porn but about normal everyday people and used them to fuel his fake world. He got mad and through his network wireless connector at me. I let him know calmly as possible that his actions were not acceptable. He then requested that I reset his internet access to only the few sites that he needs to do his work and healing. As he watched and told me what he wanted I reset his access as he requested. SA and PA to me is fake because it is not about a fun fantasy but about creating a fake world that is hurtful and degrading.

Everyone here has help me so much I am continuing to stay on this site where DG is going to move to a site about healing from his childhood abuse.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

LLT-

I don't know what to say. I am sorry things are still not great. What did DG say about lying and hiding again?

[Life-lies-trust]

LLT-

I don't know what to say. I am sorry things are still not great. What did DG say about lying and hiding again?

The standard reply "I do not know why I did it!" I just did and fell back into old habits. He says he has no clue why he even opened the link at all. If I did not know I can not be upset seems to be part of his mind set. GRRRRRRR will this never end????

PS
one step forward one step backwards. May one and a half steps forward and one step backwards.

[OpenEyes]

DANG sorry to hear about all this LLT.

It sounds a bit like my relapse. I can only shed a bit of illumination, from my perspective. He was presented with a trigger when his defenses were low, and slipped right back into old habits. He did not think out his actions, because if he did, he would never have done it. That said, he has had more than one relapse now and seems not to be improving in his own vigilence regarding triggers. Filtering software is a huge help, but avoiding triggers means the bomb is still active and may blow up. As he progresses forward from this childhood trauma, maybe he will develope adult emotional skills needed to deal with this. I hope for both your sakes that this happens and soon.

I do wish you peace of heart, tranquility of mind and this!(choc)(choc)