Life-lies-trust-SO

[Crisodian]

Oooo... now here's a loaded topic...LOL A conversation about my MIL would not be good for me, or my H. She is his mother and I show her respect in that regard. Other than that? Yep. She is part of his problem. Definitely.

I'm trying to be nice but speaking about family raises my hackles. Especially my MIL. She's a piece of work.. and I don't mean art.

I know my MIL would never understand PA or that her son has an addiction. It sounds as if your H's family is the same way. Not to sound harsh, but the only suggestion I can give is your H needs to "man up" and tell his mother to butt out. Easier said than done, I know.

I'm sorry his family is blaming you. Your H should get involved there.

Peace,
~C~

[Life-lies-trust]

LOL well when I sent the email not to contact us due to issues MIL had his sister call because he had to be dieing. (more BS). He took the phone and for the first time yelled at his sister to stop doing mom's work. He has told her before to butt out. His mother does not get it.

I am so mad at her and my wimpy FIL who will not tell her to butt out. Here is the sad part the IL moved from Penn. to AZ to get away from controlling family members.

So I understand your wanting to not be rational about Inlaws (or as the paster at our wedding said "OUTLAWS stay out")=D>

[Crisodian]

Yikes. THEY moved to get away from controlling family members? Nothing like calling the kettle black....

I'm sorry. There's no nice way to deal with ILs. I like the "outlaws" phrase...lol. I will have to remember that when dealing with my MIL...oops.. I mean MOL...LOL

Peace,
~C~

[artguy34]

LLT, wow it sounds like your MIL is similar to my own mother. But she is not as bad. Sure she is a piece of work like my wife Crisodian says, but she is manageable. She tries to be controlling but doesnt have the mental capacity to pull it off. Nor do I put up with her crapola!

Im surprised that DG doesnt do the same, but sometimes it is hard to tell your own mother No. I mean, sure I'll come over and help install a toilet etc. but dont expect me to go do the damn grocery shopping etc. :D And I certainly dont want to see all the flowers in the garden. Hello!

However there comes a point when they have to let go and let us be our own man. Enough is enough!

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

LLT-

I don't have the exact same situation with controlling in laws. The biggest problem I have with my MIL is that she WON'T come visit us, but she will go to her favorite vacation spot. That place is not too far to travel to, but our is. Grrrrrr! I am all for telling her tough, we won't visit you until you come visit us. But, my husband doesn't have the nerves of steel and cold cold heart that I do, so I am sure we will be visiting her again next time. Oh well.

But really, how old is your husband? As an adult, he CAN'T be controlled by his mother. I am sorry to say, he let's her control him. I am sure this has to do with childhood issues you alluded to. While he is getting help for his PA, I am sure the counselor will go with the standard, "tell me about your mother." And he should! At this point, if his mom is still controlling him, it is because he hasn't put a stop to it.

I grew up with my grandfather and 2 brothers. One brother and I grew up, left home, and led our own lives. We had a decent, respectful, adult relationship with my grandfather. Our youngest brother however, did not. He never put his foot down and called my grandfather on his BS controlling ways. So they never had an adult relationship. My 27 year old brother was still a child in my grandfather's house. He let it happen. So, I don't have the same in law experience, but I know what its like to have a controlling family member. I also know, its how we as grown adults, not children, react to the situation that can make or break the relationship in the future.

I also wanted to say that its great that you atleast have your family to talk to. The secrecy of this whole PA thing is what makes it the worst!

I have sympathy for you and your situation. But as crisodian says, your husband needs to man up. Good luck to you both and I hope today is better than yesterday.

[little_wife]

LLT-

I am amazed when someone asks for help without their spouse or SO threatening to leave. I kind of believe it more when they decide they need help, instead of getting told they need help. I wish you both well and I am always in awe of couples who can work through this together.

yes, me too. Wouldn't it have been sooo much easier for all of us this way?

[little_wife]

life_lies_trust,
Welcome to the TTF! Wish it could be under better circumstances, but good to meet you :)

[Life-lies-trust]

WNLM,
The problem is that FIL had major heart attack when h was in high school. Mother expected him to hold the family together. He was to run home at her call because "any stress will cause him to die".
Since that time his father has had another heart attack and bypass surgery twice. Recieved a medical retirement from his job 30 years ago because he could not work any more.

Also, H was only child till age of 13 when his sister was adopted. He has distanced himself but MOL is an expert on his buttons. He is the one that wanted the connect cut at this point. (Ok I cheered about it).

[Life-lies-trust]

Tonight I'm having a bought with my old friend insecurty. This is depressing and very hard to deal with at times. Most of the time I keep it at bay. The line in my head is "He is finding someone better and will leave. I'm not worth loving, dad was right women are not worth the same as anyone else." I know this is wrong but sometimes it just overwhelms me.

I think the problem is the stress of going back to school tomorrow and face the staff and students. I will work hard to keep a professional face even if I feel like crying. People are going to start asking why and the lawyer told me not to talk about it at this point because the investagation is still ongoing. :((

I wish this was over and I knew what was going to happen. I keep thinking about comming home and he is not here. I can not find him because the police have him and they do not think I have the right to know that they have him. Is this rational, maybe not but it is my fears and nightmares.

Sorry for the rant but I have to get this out and I'm still crying over the fear that I feel. I'm not mad at all just scared as to what is going to happen. That no-one will tell me what is happening. This is what happened when I had to turn him in. I reported to the principal at 7:15 am and no-one said anything to me till 3:00pm that he would wait for me in the truck. Professionally I understand why but as his wife I was crying. The funny part is that none of my students reliazed that I was having a bad day.

[debv]

Good luck today. It's exhausting keeping a normal face on for the rest of the world, but you can do it. I found out about my DH's PA 3 weeks before finals. I just finished my first semester back at college in 15 years, meaning I'm at school with kids half my age and younger. All I had the strength for was to get through each day, then collapse in bed at 9, 9:30, but I made it. So can you. ((hugs))