Life-lies-trust-SO

[landslide]

I think whether anyone wants to admit it or not we all need people in our lives. No man is an island. In my own case, when I was addicted to alcohol, I really needed to be shocked out of my stupor to get the help I needed to quit. Part of that shock was having the people in my life say, "Enough or else." It wasn't like they demanded I quit, they just basically said if I didn't quit and get help they wouldn't be a part of my life anymore. I think some addicts want (consciously or unconsciously) to test 'those' people as to whether or not they really mean it.

I have my act together in all other elements in my life---so I say this with 100% certainty that quitting any addiction and cleaning up was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. However, I don't think I would have snapped out of it on my own. I needed the people that loved me to give me some REALLY CLEAR AND CONCISE CONSEQUENCES that I could understand even though I was terribly sick in the head at that time. Only then was I able to enter recovery seriously. I finally realized what I was about to lose was more important than my addiction. The addiction wasn't fun anymore--I just couldn't stop on my own.

A couple of weeks ago I gave my husband consequences to his PA. It took a few couples therapy sessions, but he knows in no uncertain terms that if I learn he is at it again he is going to have to move out of our home. I didn't issue these terms lightly or to hurt him. I made them because I love him more than anything, but I also love myself enough to know I am entitled to a happy and peaceful healthy life; free of the lies, weird relations, chaos and pain that PA brings. Consequences bring about change and boundaries protect self. As hard as they might be sometimes, I think they are the only way to a better life.

[Life-lies-trust]

WNLM we talked about it and he feels that if he has any wiggle room in the CONSEQUENCES he the addict will try to push it past the limit. He is not happy about the limits but says that that is what he needs to live up to.

[Life-lies-trust]

Well he finally admitted that yesterday he struggled with the urges. He did over come them by following his plan. He really used his plan YEA!! Finally he understands that he has to use the plan and not hide away.

He is working on the issues for childhood. We will see how that goes.

[Junebug1944]

Well he finally admitted that yesterday he struggled with the urges. He did over come them by following his plan. He really used his plan YEA!! Finally he understands that he has to use the plan and not hide away.

He is working on the issues for childhood. We will see how that goes.

Hugs to you too! Why must we pull teeth in order to get the truth? And when they get better responses to to telling the truth too... frustrating...

[Life-lies-trust]

Junebug I think the main reason for the addict not telling the truth is they do not even tell themselves the truth. So first they have to tell the truth to themselves to be able to admit it to us. What a messed up mine set do the addicts have. Too bad we can not open up their heads and wash out all the junk.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

LLT-

Its so good that he used his plan. Struggling with urges... that's all part of recovery. Giving in to urges hurts recovery.

What you said about the addict lies to everyone because they lie to themselves first is very insightful.

[Life-lies-trust]

Well he is justifying not talking to any of his SA members. "I called 3 of them and they did not call me back." Read this as "It is their fault for not calling me back" now if "I relapse it is not my fault" is how I see his mind working. He is setting himself up for relapse. I guess I should start looking at the state laws on divorce. His inner being and the addict are showing that he really does not want to heal. I am feeling that I'm getting the show so that when he relapse I am to feel sorry for him and forgive the mistake.

He is still not really working on improving himself but I keep getting just the show of "see how much I have done". But do not make me accountable for anything. See if I relapse I did not mean too. I not sure how to explain to him I am NOT kidding and am not going to change my mind. I am not going back to where my H would rather watch P and MB than be with a real person. Enough is Enough.

[Life-lies-trust]

When I got home to give him the truck to go to his SA meeting. He told me that he had won a bought with the addiction. He also called his contacts.

Because I'm not sure what he is up to. I do not know if this is just for show so that I do not check on him or if it is real. He has gotten so good a lying that I do not know. I going to check out my options and what the laws are in this state just in case. I like proactive position not a reactive position. Which is just what this pile of cr$p is about reaction to the PA's sh$$.

[Charly22]

There has to be some glimmer of hope, that he is truly trying, I don't think he would've told you that he won a bought with the addiction if not....it sounds as if he was truly proud of himself for the battle that he won, this time. Not to say there won't be times that aren't so victorious. But at the same time, its pretty powerful stuff that he knows you cannot tolerate anymore. I wish you and yours, more and more success, I pray the scales are tipped toward recovery more and more.....

[hopefulwife]

My heart goes out to you. I have only been going rounds with my hubby for a little over 2 years. Mine isnt in any group or even on this site. It seems to me that your hubby is trying but its also a good idea to be prepaired. Just make sure you make the choice thats right for you and not just out of anger.
Good luck and hugs>:D<