Life-lies-trust-SO

[Life-lies-trust]

It is to clear out the endorphins in his brain to a more normal level. Like the withdraw period for drug addictions. He has NEVER gone a week without some type of outlet. Some say the period should be 4 to 6 months. I'm not going for that because why do I have to be punished more for HIS selfish addiction.

I have told him that he is responsible for scheduling and going to his meeting. This includes counselor, SAA, and spiritual. I am not going to hold his hand and tell him what to do he has to take the initiative to do this for himself. I do support him as long as he stay sober but I will not do the work for him.

[Life-lies-trust]

Well he is refusing to reach out to others like his SAA group told him to do. I see this as the start down the road to relapse again. The relapse where he lost his job was because he did not follow his plan and isolated himself again. Even as a child he was only allowed to have two friends because his mother did not want him out of her sight. He has to break this cycle before he looses what he has left. Maybe what he really wants is to go back to mommy and daddy.

We have the first couples session tomorrow but I'm not sure what it is about.

[little_wife]

Good luck in your session tomorrow, and hugs to you!

[Life-lies-trust]

Well by the time I picked him up to go to the session I was mad at all the cr$$ he has give out. I'm tired of having to deal with this stuff and I can not fix him. I vented at the appointment and let him understand all that he has done and how do I ever believe what comes out of his mouth. I even had a list of his favorite lines to shut me up and read the list. He was quiet after it and then had his evening SAA meeting. Not sure what was accomplished but I do feel some what better.

[Life-lies-trust]

Well how long till he relapses again? This is what is always in my mind. How long till I have to make the choice to leave. How soon before everything falls completely to SH$$. Yes it is almost there but not complete in the 60 foot hole full of SH$$.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

LLT-

I am having one of those days too. I am a negative nelly today. I hope things get better for you.

Its wierd when I read your journal and his journal, its so different. Like, I can't tell you two are related on here. You both have such a different perspective. I think all PAs and SOs take separate paths to healing. As long as the path starts at the same point: No more P period!

I hope the day gets better. Do you have any Easter plans?

[Life-lies-trust]

WNLM,
Well he has had his secret life for more than 40 years. I am more open and honest than he is and at time he hides or trivializes what is going on. I then call BS again and tell him to face reality. Our counselor has told him that my analytical skills and outlook is keeping him from faking some of the cr##.

Even on good days I still have the negative thoughts. I do try to stay positive but that is not always possible. Maybe some day I will be able to accept what he says. At this time I have told him that actions speak louder than words because his words have not been real.

I have also been finding that he has almost a split personality with one as a loving caring person (the last 10-20 years mostly hidden) and the addict (the hateful, nasty, Leave me the H$ll alone, I can use who every I want person). I hate the addict side at this time and he knows it. I am not hiding away what I think and feel any more he gets all of it. If he does not like it "Tough SH$$".

[Life-lies-trust]

Well I just discovered something that I need to deal with now that he is actually reaching out to others. The curiosity that is part of my scientific mind of wanting to know everything. I need to be able to let him have contacts outside of me where I have to trust him to stay sober and truthful with himself. Ok something else to develop. I would like to know who he is talking to on the phone but I will keep strong and wait for him to talk to me if he does.

[little_wife]

Hanging around, feeling there's going to be more relapses, hurts so badly. I'm sorry you've been feeling this way. Hang in there, and try to have a good Easter.
Bless you,
Little_wife

[Life-lies-trust]

Today is a better day. Not sure why but it is calm. I do keep searching for more information on this nasty addiction of his. He has finished one SA workbook. SO I bought him a new one to start over with. He still says he is done with all the cr$p but I need to see it.

Took another step in my health and got a blood pressure meter for at home to check my BP.

Only bad part to today is checking his email account and guess who had to send us a message even thou we asked for NO communication. YUP his mother and I got mad about the fact that she can not back off at all. I know when he finally decides to talk to them I will be blamed for putting all the SH$$ in his head because they are the perfect family~X( and she only has express love and care for all.