hell hath no fury...

[justagirl]

So, yea, i'm a bit ticked off, this is just some stuff that i've written about the whole P thing. i must warn some people, some of it is very blunt and very angry and sarcastic (i use sarcastic remarks when i'm angry). i'm kinda just venting. i needed a place to vent, but have no one to vent to. its written in the 2nd person, but not to anyone in particular, it's just my thots. and yea...its very long.
~~~~
boys and sex suck. not like sex like screwing eachother, sex like in "opposite sex", "sex addict", "sexual abuse", "sexual molestation"...etc...all of these suck. ok, let's start with the first, opposite sex....

now, the opposite sex, boys, is the one responsible for all the suckiness of everything sex anyways. boys.....they have this crazy sex drive that can sometimes turn violent or into an addiction, thus the sex addict...

now sex addicts are, usually men, people who can not get enough sex in their lives. so, they look at porn, they buy prostitutes, every last spare minute of their lives is dedicated to porn. now, it doesn't have to be every minute, but sex does become an evident priority in their lives. take the porn addict for example, as i am particularly aware of the side effects and ridiculous lies guys will tell to get away with their sex habit. porn addicts, PAs, will lie to their girlfriend and find ways around promises made to stop the habit. they take on a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. "well you didn't ask if i was watching porn, so i figured it was ok." so now, you get to babysit the jerk and constantly ask "did you watch porn today?" and then dread the freakin answer, because by the time you ask chances are, you two have already fooled around today, so when the dreaded "yea i have" response pops up, you feel like a cheap sex object no better than those sluts he's been watching, instead of calling you, thinking about you, or working like he told you he was working on. porn addictions ruin relationships. several married couples have divorced because of it. know why? it's a form of cheating. yea...instead of your honey thinking of "his one and only girl, cuz your the only one for me baby" (yea freaking right) he's watching p. yay...that's exactly what i want my bf watching. yay...that way....when we're hooking up, maybe we can pretend we're porn stars, and then he can pressure me into acting out fantasies. that's exactly how i want my bf to think of me. iv always wanted him to see me and treat me like a whore he can call up for some 3D porn. since you have morals, you can never fullfill his fantasies. yay...now your guy will never be happy because you choose to watch "white chicks" instead of "HOTT CHICKs". they say love conquers all, but really, that was before porn. now, if you don't have the perfect body, your man ain't only looking at your pathetic body..nope he's looking at something he would rather have...actually he's looking at about 3 of them.. PAs have almost no respect for their gfs bodies or their gf's self image. o they say they do, but really, they just care that they keep your rocking lil body in shape and healthy enough for him to experience some good 3d porn. yay...every girl's dream.....to be a 3D porn star. but your not on the top of his list, cuz really, he's not your man anyways...cuz well, he's a boy, a boy who can not obtain self control over his sex drive, so he cheats on you with a few girls a night..thus you end up sharing this boy toy of yours with roughly 15 other girls. yay for you....you got a keeper.

but then again he's better than the sex molester. yay....another product of the overactive male sex drive. ok, so your with this guy who seems kinda cool.....he totally forces himself on you and grabs you and eventually the whole thing is over and your shaking uncontrollably and in a huge amount of pain. the next day, you can barely walk or sit because of all the nasty bruising from last night. then, retarded you offers to give the jerk a ride home. and duhh....he forces himself on you again, but this time he goes further, and then, the whole thing is over, and what do ya know, your shaking uncontrollably again, your in pain, and you feel more hurt than you ever thought possibe. desperate for a change in your life you search for a caring guy who will not pressure you for sex....but hey....no duh he's not pressuring you for sex, he's been watching enough porn to keep himself busy until your ready to let him experience a new kind of porn....3D. of course you have no idea about this PA until several months later. so yay for you...you are now haunted by memories of being molested, you are incredibly hurt and have no idea how to deal with the pain the abuse has brought you....but not only that....your bf doesn't think your body is good enough for him, so he watches porn to make up for what your body lacks. the f'n molester couldn't get enough of your body, but your bf doesn't think your body's enough to feed his sexual appetite, so he cheats on you and lies to you to fill his PA needs. which one was/is better? i have no idea. ~~~~

yes, i was molested a couple years ago, and am still dealing with the pain. but dealing with that and having a BF (ex-bf/ its complicated...) that's addict to p and just using me like that...i have no idea what to. i think i need counseling, but i have no idea what kind of counselor to get. how would you find the right counselor?
I'm so hurt, angry, confused, and totally furious.

[FoolishMind]

Hello Justagirl, Ive just breifly skimmed through your post, and acknowledge that your angry and fed, frustrated etc. So im glad you feel comfortable that you can just vent out. (obviously it will be edited shortly to remove any potential triggers).

Anyway, Your hurting right now, and sometimes when your hurting everything just seems like such a huge mess, and you just dont know where to start and how to focus your energy to even begin to think of a resolve.

I say break it down. (not in the MC Hammer style)

A simple set of questions you should ask yourself, I would love for you to share the answers if you feel appropriate.

1) What do you actually want to happen?
2) Choose one thing that you are very unhappy with at the moment (one specific)
3) Are you in control of that one specific thing?
4) If you are in control of it what do you think you can do about it?

5) If you are not in control of it, are you willing to accept it the way it is?

Thanks in advance

FM

[Dominus]

Well it seems to me that the issues run a lot deeper than that. These are problems rooted in our society. 25 years ago when I started my first job, a young woman at work told me that she lived with her boyfriend, I am 'Living in sin' was the expression she used, why? because 25 years ago it was fairly unusual for a couple to live together or have sex without being married, 50 years ago it was almost unheard of. But today you would be laughed out of town for even suggesting such a preposterous idea.

Who then changed the standard?

There is no longer any benchmark for morality, we live in a directionless, anything goes society. The only thing you are not allowed to do is to question it. Scientists have worked long and tirelessly to demonstrate that we are just animals, so therefore why not just behave like animals? If these are societys standards, it is no surprise that they continue to drop. It is a strong person who can stand firm against the tide of peer pressure and constant media manipulation.

My advice, find a decent man with firm principals he believes in, but be warned, he may be what most would consider a 'freak', 'square' or 'out of touch'.

[Charly22]

I must say that even after all that you have been through, and all that you are going through now...you seem so strong and in tune. Be proud of that. Don't settle for nothing less than what you believe you deserve.

[justagirl]

i think i edited out some potential triggers, but i'm kinda oblivious to what all those may be, so let me know if it needs more editing.

Ok, i don't know how to quote people on here, so i copied and pasted...

"There is no longer any benchmark for morality, we live in a directionless, anything goes society." (Dominus)
i completely agree. the Bf/ex-bf/its complicated broke up about 3 weeks ago, but have been acting like we're still together, we still talked to each other, hung out, and talked about our problems. last friday we were hanging out and got physical. before we broke up, if he had been watching p, we wouldn't get physical at all for awhile, so i thought that since he still cared about, or so he said, then that would be the same standard. (im going on a tangent....) but i asked him monday if he'd been watching p and he said, without dely, with out a moment's thought, "yea, i have been a little bit." like it wasn't any of my business. he said he'd quit while we were together but now that we're "broken up" (now we are for sure) he sees no shame in doing it. UUGHH!! i feel so used, he says that he doesn't think about p while we're together, is this possible?
but about the changing standard in society, how did p all the sudden become ok?

"My advice, find a decent man with firm principals he believes in, but be warned, he may be what most would consider a 'freak', 'square' or 'out of touch'." (dominus)
--that's exactly the kind of guy i was with, he was "out of touch" but he's also a PA. ugh....

"A simple set of questions you should ask yourself, I would love for you to share the answers if you feel appropriate.

1) What do you actually want to happen?
2) Choose one thing that you are very unhappy with at the moment (one specific)
3) Are you in control of that one specific thing?
4) If you are in control of it what do you think you can do about it?

5) If you are not in control of it, are you willing to accept it the way it is?" (FM)


1) i want a million things to happen. i want my bf/ex-bf to quit for himself and not for me, like he did last time. but im also tired of getting hurt by him, so i want to find a man who does not watch p. (does such a man exist nowadays?)

2) i'm not happy with the way he used me, and how i feel about it

3) am i in control of that? I could've asked beforehand if he had been watching p, as a means of protecting myself. but i'm not sure. ... i guess i'm not, because that was his actions, but i was involved...hum.... i'm not sure. i'm in control of how i feel about it, but how else am i supposed to feel?

4) i can stop seeing him, which i've already stopped doing.

5) i will not accept other people treating me with disrespect.

hum...i'm still thinking about #3.... that's a good question....

[justagirl]

my rant....
So i talked to him today. i yelled at him for using me after viewing p. he denied his intention to use me, but i'm not sure i believe him. i feel so blank, so emotionless. i guess it's a relief that i'm not mad, but i'm also not happy. i'm really really really confused. we're not together, but he says he still loves me and cares deeply about me, but i don't understand how he can do something that hurts me so much yet still say he loves me. he says that he can't control himself while viewing p. he's says that it's not something he intends to do, that it just happens. he sayd his mind jus tshuts down when it happens....idk...he took off all the blocks on his computer before we broke up. i called him on it today, but he denied ever taking it off. he was also supposed to put me on this email list for this program that notifies people of your choice if you view p on your computer. he never put me on the list like he told me he would. he denied ever saying any of this of course, but then said he forgot to put me on the list.
i expressed my feelings of anger, hurt, disgust, and everything else, and he would apologize, btu then he would list all these other great things he did for our relationship, like going to the store for me when i was sick, like that was suppossed to make everything better. i tolf him that no amount of kind deeds could cover up the hurt he's caused me.. he says he realizes this and aplogized, but he's said this before then gone back to his old ways. he says he'll change, but i doubt he will. i'm having serious doubts that i will ever find a man who shares my same morals and standards, and follows them.
i want to be mad at him, but when he lists out all these other great things he's done, i feel bad. and then he'll say how he feels like a monster and a horrible person for doing all this, and then i feel bad for being mad...but then i remember that i have a right and a reason to be mad and kinda ge mad again....and now i'm just lost. i'm lost, confused, and have very little hope of ever finding a man with morals. uuughh.....
i feel like i should stil be mad and angry, but i also feel like getting over it, but i'm still mad, i think, i'm not sure. i haven't really felt any emotions today...it's like all my emotions are cancelling eachother out so that nothing is there.
i just want Mr. man-w/-morals to magically appear and tell me that there is hope, that everything will be fine, and good, non-pa men do exist. .....uughh....:-<

[Charly22]

I think you should take what he says about it having nothing to do with you to heart. Even though it prompts us to feel that way, I do believe it has nothing to do with us. I don't think for one second that he has to go watch P because you are not good enough. But, him watching P does bring about negative feelings. So, not to condone it in anyway, but to convince you that you are not the reason he will watch it. He would be watching if you were in the picture, out of the picture, never been in the picture.

[Dominus]

i just want Mr. man-w/-morals to magically appear and tell me that there is hope, that everything will be fine, and good, non-pa men do exist. .....uughh....:-<

There are probably few men who arent tempted by porn, but there are some men who won't look at porn.

Try this, find a guy you really like, tell him you don't believe in sex without commitment and your saving yourself for the man you marry. If he complains or tries to push the matter - give him the boot. If he respects you and your decision, he's probably a decent man and would likely exercise the same self control with porn.

[justagirl]

"I don't think for one second that he has to go watch P because you are not good enough." (Charly22)
this is something that i've been severely struggling with. If it's not because I'm not good enough, then why does he feel the need to watch it? throughout our relationship i'd always tried to keep up with his 'appetite', doing things i never wanted to do when i didn't want to. we never had sex, which i'm thankful for, but i still felt like that should have been enough. I've tried to look up men's reasons for watching porn, but i just don't get it. maybe I'm not meant to get it, but its so frustrating!! some say its was of relieving stress, out of bordom, what ever, but why can't he do something else? why can't he read a book or do the yard work? or call me? this is the aspect that has held me up the most through our struggle.

"Try this, find a guy you really like, tell him you don't believe in sex without commitment and your saving yourself for the man you marry. If he complains or tries to push the matter - give him the boot. If he respects you and your decision, he's probably a decent man and would likely exercise the same self control with porn." (Dominus)

i thought i had found that man. my ex-bf shared my same ideals as far as waiting until marriage for sex, we're both christians, and we both have the same basic morals, but this is something we can't seem to get past. and he wants to quit, but makes up excuses for why he can't. ("i'm addicted...i've been watching it for years....it's too hard...we're not 'technically' together anymore so i'm not accountable to you anymore.....)idk.....

i actually found out that a new friend of mine does not watch p and is also wating till mariage for sex, he also has a gf, but that gave me a little hope that maybe, just maybe, there may be another one out there.

[Charly22]

Alot of things start for one reason, and continue for another. (I'm quoting Dr. Phil here). I am certain he started looking at it before you were in the picture, or at least desired to. Sure it started out of boredom, curiousity, whatever. But when left unchecked, turns into an addiction. So, if you believe he is addicted, then it is not as easy as we who are not addicted think it should be. He's going to have to suffer the consequences of his actions, get smacked upside the head with a dose of reality. Cause it sure is a big bunch of lies ain't it?