Thank You for sharing your pain...it's mine too.

[betrayed family]

I can not put into words how specail this site is..........I only wish I would have found this years ago. I want to say THANK YOU for all who take the time and energy (and pain) to open this dark ugly "secret" that binds us and give of yourself in order to help others................THANK YOU!!!
When I read the addicts daily struggles ............... it gives merrit to what my husband has said..........I say I understand that this is a TRUE addiction........but do I???? I am a nurse...... on top of that I almost completed my psychology degree ...... but maybe the schooling goes right out the window when the pain hits!!!
We talked 2 nights ago for the first time since he slipped.... 8 days of silence.........I could win an emmy for the "PERFORMANCE" I have been giving for everyone else..... you just smile and go on.....P addiction is not a subject that is openly talked about..........unless YOU are walking this road you just DON'T GET IT !!!
I found this site because my husband left it in the HISTORY..... we just can't help looking there can we??.....I started reading....and reading.....OUR STORY.... we didn't write it BUT it's HERE.........
The SO journals contain parts of ME.... and there is NOTHING like feeling "I am not the only ONE!!" .......THANK YOU!!!
The P addicts pages..........very HONEST and SUPPORTIVE ....they help me to KNOW that this is a TRUE daily STRUGGLE!!!
I don't know where we are going from here.
I don't know if I am strong enough to ..............
I DO know that this has helped.......... so again THANK's to ALL!!
I now know that my husband did join this site ........ I only hope that it is helping Him...not to feel alone......this was one thing revealed when we talked..... I won't reveal who he is...... I am not sure he would be comfortable ............I don't know if we should both be on here............
Thanks again!!
Betrayedfamily

[flame2amoth]

Hey!
Well if your *comfortable* here, stay, and as far as knowing who your husband is...that is not important to us...that's something between you and him.
But Im glad you are here, especially if it helps you deal with all you feel and think..emotional and mental stress.
I too have been struck by the fact that I have a broad backgroud in mental health, and my profession is considered a caring profession...but.... When you are sharing the LivingRoom with the proverbially Elephant...you find yourself finally in the reality that "dang, there is a frekkin Elephant in my LivingRoom!"
Some of us are better at denial than others(SO's), Im not good at pushing down my emotions ...as hard as I try, even with my education, P has just triggered me in so many areas.
So glad your husband is trying this out...Keep writing and finding out what feels real...and then is the Real, something you can deal with...blessings, Marti

[slowlybecomingbitter]

I don't know if we should both be on here............

I know that my boyfriend and I are both on here. I don't believe there are any rules concerning that. Its between you both. In fact this site is the center of us working on this together. We use this as a form of accountability. I hope this helps :-)

[betrayed family]

Slowly becoming bitter .....thank you for your responce....it really makes me wonder if both of us being on this supportive site would be the calming hand when needed .....or the encouragement needed......or the guidance needed........
I hope to discuss this with my husband .....I say HOPE because he has described his feelings about talking about P that he feels like "someone is pulling his fingernails out by the root"
This really discourages me from bringing anything about P up!!! I don't want to torture him!!!! We are sssoooo different ...... he is very quiet and an introvert.. I am the complete extrovert and LOVE to talk!!! He knows that he has difficulty discussing ANYTHING troubling.........he just bottles everything up from being fraustrated about work, or the house not being clean or the bills,kids............ect. I really wish that we could FIGHT!!! At least it would be out in the open. I think that is one of my biggest concerns of him fighting P is that he just won't open up............not just to me but to ANYONE!!!:-<
Thanks again!!
I plan to continue reading.....some of your posts really touch me.........
betrayed family