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My current P-addiction hurdle is trying to figure out what is acceptable and what is not in terms of defining "what is Porn". My working definition is "what would i be confident and calm about looking at with other people watching me." If I feel the least bit embarassed by something it is probably something I should avoid. But as long as it is something I feel confident that if my wife/child/parent saw me viewing they would not think it odd - then I bet it is not P (at least in my world).
1. Take a good look at your relationship to P and make a list of all the reasons you want to get it out of your life
2. Start a journal on this forum, and post in it daily
3. Be completely open with your fiance - let her know about your involvement in this forum, and encourage her to come here as well, if she thinks it would be helpful
4. Get through today without looking at P. That's always your primary goal, to get to the end of the day without giving in to whatever temptation might come your way. It's not forever, it's today. And tomorrow, it will be the same.
5. Allow hope back into your life. Life gets to be so beautiful so fast when P starts to become a thing of the past. You'll notice that you feel ten times better in a matter of days.
Skol'ko b nitej ne plyol obman
Pokazhet lik sveta istina
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Cobalt For This Useful Post:
It's also really good to remember how uplifting it is to read posts about success because it keeps me coming back even when I'm feeling fine. Like today, I thought several times, "I don't need to post today." But then I decided that I'd better stay diligent through the easier times so that when it gets tougher, I'll already be in the habit, and this site will save me from stumbling. Gotta not forget how weak I can be--how weak I likely still am in the face of real temptation.
Pride before the Fall? -
Just looking through people's journals..very inspiring and helping
me with the struggle.
I've noticed a trend that when people think they're doing well,
and that they've got the problem beaten..not long
afterwards, often the same day, they slip up and look at some P.
I've noticed this in myself, too. I think when I think I'm "doing well",
that's when I 'm most deluded, or unaware of my own thoughts.
Like when I'm thinking..."oh, yes, I used to be so bad, looking
at P so often...I'm so much better now...I've learnt so much"
Maybe that's when I forget that it was being vigialnt and aware
of my thoughts that I was able to let go of them, and that there's
no real point where I can say that "the job is done"
Well, it's another warning sign for me...the self-congratulatory
thoughts.
For your life to change, You need to make changes. -
05-02-2008, 05:43 AM
Quote:
For your life to change, You need to make changes.
Rocketman, Yes, if you do slip up it would be very easy to think stuff it, im not posting, and begin your whole self loathing process again. So really appreciate your honesty.
But now, I want you to reevaluate your strategy.
I am going to share my strategy with you, and inturn, I would like you to give it some thought and post back and share yours.
My Strategy:
When I am Weakest:
Being at home or at work alone
Surfing the internet idly
Certain Hollywood Movies with scenes that may tempt
Mens magazines with provocative pictures
Stress
Anger
My Countering techniques for the above:
Internet filter installed on Home and Work Laptop
I dont surf idly, I log on and do what i need to do, then log off.
I dont watch provocative movies, only horror, Disney, Family movies
Dont get them, dont look at shelves with them either.
every human will experience stress, I just learn to calm myself in other activities
every human will have arguments and experience anger, again, I just learn to calm myself in other activities
Other Temptations:
When I see an attractive women
When I see a provocative picture on a billboard or TV advert
When I catch a glimpse of a provocative advert on a website
Sometimes just a thought would pop into my head
My Countering techniques for the above:
Acknowledge the attractiveness in a glance, then continue moving on. I dont dwell, I dont stare. I dont give it a moments further thought
same as above
same as above
Shake my head, say 'no' to myself and focus on something else completely random, like...Batman! or ask myself a question like: do ants have belly buttons!
What Drives me?
Me, Wanting to be a better person.
Me, wanting to have a better respect for myself
My wife, Wanting her to have a better respect for me
use my knowledge of 10+ years as a PA to something positive to advise and help others
Appreciation of my life, and how much everything is getting better, because I am more content, I focus on what I have, not what I dont have.
How will I stay in control and not fall?
Because I am clear in my objectives, I cut through the BS, and leave all the roses and fluffy bunnys in explanations. Cut straight to the chase.
I have prepared myself for 90% of the temptations that can be thrown at me.
I have filled my newly found free time (previously P time) with constructive and rewarding hobbies, and pastimes.
Overall - I am positive, I stay focussed and I live by the motto of Carpe Dieme!
I feel that once you can break that relentless cycle and ride out the storm then its just a case of not letting your guard down. I will always have to be careful, but thats the same for everyone I suppose.
Keep up the fine fight my fellow soldiers - onwards ever onwards!
What does freedom feel like? -
05-14-2008, 09:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnxiouslyEngaged
I can't stress enough that for me, staying aware is the MOST important key to my own success. I've got to stay conscious of my thoughts and actions, that's all. And then, when I'm tempted, it's almost encouraging, because I'm starting to think, automatically, "Hey, I don't have to slip up. It's my choice, and I can stay away." It's a really good feeling. That's what freedom feels like.
You have to understand that addictive behavior is caused largely by ingrained habits. If those habits are interrupted by something, you have a much better chance at altering your behavior. An internet filter does just that. It stops you for a moment so that you have a chance to think about what you're doing.
Best of TTF - add to it! -
04-26-2008, 06:42 PM
04-27-2008, 05:24 AM
04-30-2008, 07:37 PM
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