Location: Currently Utah, but I'm an East Coaster at heart.
Thanks: 165
Thanked 140 Times in 103 Posts
05-18-2008, 08:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by tipple.downs
For me this is the secret, not just to know that I'm better off without porn, but actually, that I never needed it in the first place, I'm not giving up anything except being caught in a prison that I made for myself.
the wholesome feeling of being clean adds so much to my self esteem. And I'm starting to notice how my the absence of porn and masturbation seems to make my sexuality more predictable, and reliable.
"I think of it as a trail in the jungle that is well traveled. Because you take it everyday, the pathway is cleared and it's easy to get to your destination (porn). But every time you choose not to take that old trail, and forge a new one, your old path starts to get overgrown with weeds, vines and debris. The next time you think about taking that trail it's harder to travel down. Over time, the old trail is hardly perceivable, it's so overgrown you hardly recognize it. That, I believe, is our ultimate goal.
Porn is the easy path, but if we keep going back down that trail every so often, we keep it clean, and the healing process cannot take place."
Originally Posted by Light (in Dominus's Journal)
'By Endurance We Conquer' - Ernest Shackleton
Last edited by Dominus; 06-02-2008 at 09:28 AM.
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Dominus For This Useful Post:
Fear, Temptation & the Brave -
06-05-2008, 10:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vorlan
Brave people aren't people who are never afraid, they are people who overcome their fear.
Good people aren't people who don't ever think about doing bad things they are people that who despite the temptation to do the wrong thing do the right thing.
People who are recovered PA are not the people who never get temptations they are the people who always overcome their temptations and stay clean despite them.
Its tough to break the cycle, you have to go against the grain to force yourself into different routines until they become habits in themselves. Try and find what the common denominators are in your slip ups, and devise a strategy to combat them.
Posted by Dominus
__________________________________________________ ___ Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King Jr
My goal is not just to be free of my addiction, but to become a man, to demonstrate a level of maturity that I finally feel ready to share my life, my self, with another person.
I have read enough of the partner forum to know that I will never wish this on the woman I love, or subject her to it.
How do I feel? I wrote this late last night when I couldn't sleep. I shared some of it with my husband but it only overwhelmed him and made him feel worthless. Why does he focus on that instead of helping me feel better. I have done nothing but try to encourage him and focus on him for the last 72 days.
I feel inferior. I feel fat. I feel like I need to lose weight so when the time comes, I can be attractive to others.
I feel hopeless. I feel like I am not good enough.
I feel frustrated because by sharing how I feel, it overwhelms my husband.I feel hurt that my husband is overwhelmed by everything and I take a back burner
I feel betrayed.I feel like I am in a drowning wave pool.I feel helpless. I feel let down.I feel sad. I feel alone, so alone. I feel lonely
I feel deceived.I feel changed in a negative way.I feel angry.I feel bitter. I feel resentful.I feel unable to get a handle on this
I feel frustrated.I feel like I want to lash out.I feel like that won’t solve anything. I feel like having an affair.I feel like maybe then my husband would understand my not “just getting over it”.I know this isn’t the best solution but I just want to feel loved and desired.
I feel like I have to be strong and that is that last thing I am feeling. I feel like I should be perfect and move on. I can’t move on. I can’t stop thinking of my past unknown deceived 12 years of my life.
I feel unimportant. I feel 2nd , 3rd, 4th to everything else in my husbands life
I feel disconnected from my heart and brain. I have read enough to understand addiction but I can’t understand it in my heart and in my situation.
I feel confused.I feel hurt. I feel like I am whirling inside
I feel like I have to go on because the world goes on while I seem to be stuck in a time warp
I feel innocence lost.I feel like I want out but I don’t want to go anywhere.I feel angry that my kids have to grow up in this.I feel frustrated that I have worked so hard to protect my heart and I still have all of these feelings.
I feel tricked in to marrying someone that I didn’t really marry. I was tricked to believe I was marrying a pure man who loved me and would always put me first (after God). In truth Stars were first in his life. I was a distant second.
I feel angry that I have to live with this for the rest of my life.I feel frustrated that it is up to me to heal myself. My H doesn’t see the extreme importance of doing things to make me feel special or build me up. He tore me down to nothing and I have to rebuild me, us our family.
I feel like it is all on my shoulders. It overwhelms and depresses my H to even think about having to deal with me.
I feel frustrated that H feels like he is doing all he knows how. How did he do all of those kind and sweet things when we were dating. Do I not mean that to him now? I am not worth investing the effort and energy that he invested into porn stars? Am I not worth forgetting all of the other crap in the world and just thinking of me (ie finances, old house, etc) I feel so inferior to the porn stars and everything else.
I want to know EVERY secret. I want to hear details. I want all of this out in the open. I feel conflicted on that feeling because will this help or hurt?
I desperately want a friend in a similar situation to talk to and understand what I am going through. I feel so alone not having anyone to talk to that understands what I am going through.
I feel like I want this all to end. I want my fairytale back. I want to pretend none of this exists. I want to be happy go lucky again. I want to enjoy life without this huge black cloud engulfing me.
I want my H to understand what I am feeling without getting depressed and overwhelmed.
I want my H to stop focusing so much on himself and focus on the wife he has destroyed.
I want to be able to share how I feel without having to turn around and forget how I feel so that I can comfort my H.
I want H to be encouraged by his 72 days of success.I don’t want him to beat himself up but to focus on rebuilding.
I want to trust again.I want to believe the best in people.I want to stop looking at every man as a pervert or porn addict I want a close friend.I desperately want a close friend that understand this.
I want this to be over.I want happiness again. I want to stop obsessing over how fat or ugly I am. I want to be secure in who God sees me as.
I want to lose weight for the right reasons not because I want to prove to my H that I am better than these porn stars.
I don’t want to be bitter or resentful. I am trying desperately to protect my heart from this poison. It is pounding at my heart’s door begging to be let in. I feel weary in keeping it out.
I feel emotional. That is a no brainer!I feel like I should not be feeling all of this stuff.
I want my H to overcome this depression and worry. I want him to be encouraged with his progress and life and not overwhelmed with life.
I want to feel taken care of.I want to feel loved and cherished.I want to feel valued.I want to feel attractive.
I want to know that we are now in a pure relationship without all of those other women in our bed.
I want to be able to go out with the girls and not worry the whole time if my husband is looking at porn and masturbating.
I want to stop being so curious how all of this stuff works. What is porn like. What did H want to see. What is he attracted to? What were his search criteria. What were the videos in his vault? Why did he choose those videos to keep and watch over and over again. How did he masturbate? What were the MNO nights like when I was gone. Did he do it around the kids. What were business trips like. Where did he masturbate in a hotel room?
Is it worth knowing all of these secrets?
Is it true that he doesn’t picture other girls when we have sex?
Should I stay, is it worth it? Am I in for a lifetime of hurt and betrayal. Is my H going to overcome this or eventually just give into it.
How do I protect my heart? Should I protect my heart? Should I set boundaries?
Will my H slip up and give in to these urges and temptations?
Can I do anything to help him not to give in?
Just a reminder to all, through your rummaging around the forums, if you ever feel a particular post, or specific sentence / paragraph really stands out to you, and you think it will help others, make sure you add it to this "Best of TTF" Thread.
Good etiquette is to wrap the text in quotes and note who wrote the original post and link to the source of the original post.
Thanks
FM
__________________________________________________ ___ Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.Martin Luther King Jr
05-18-2008, 08:03 PM
Fear, Temptation & the Brave -
06-05-2008, 10:33 PM
Best of TTF Thread -
08-07-2008, 01:39 PM
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