Thinking about smashing my pc

[Want2BeFree]

Seriously.

I can't do this shit any more. I'm 21 still living at home after college b.c i'm depressed and have social anxiety bc I beat off every day. I go one or two weeks (longest has been 16 days), I start to feel better so I go out, I have one "bad" experience and I run home to my computer. All this thing does is give me escape through internet, video games, and porn.

I'm raging so hard right now because of a relapse after 10 days clean. I'm suppose to be going to a job interview on Monday, and was looking forward too going in two weeks clean. I'm seriously considering taking this computer in the back yard and smashing it.

[exteberria]

Hey Want2BeFree, I haven't seen you on TFF before. I'm 23 years old and male.

I can really relate to your situation. I was pretty much in the exactly the same position when I was younger. What I would encourage you to do is to hand over your computer to a friend or even come honest with your parents. When I was in the thick of this addiction, when I had the opportunity - I had my internet cut off, so the only place I could access the internet was in public (ie. libraries and in internet cafes). This was a very good start for me to get off this stuff. 2011 was literally the first year in 5 years that I had personal and private access to the internet again.

I was also someone that identified as having 'social anxiety', I never used to be able to talk to women and to be honest I struggled to be social around people in general. A big problem I had was heart-races and panic attacks. As a result - 4 years ago, I went to see a Counsellor and then I learnt about how to do breathing techniques, I personally believe I have overcome this problem now, but to this day I still use breathing exercises in particular situations on a day to day basis.

I would really encourage you to get into self-help tapes/audio programs. I found this to be highly valuable and still use them to this day. I'm not talking about those self-help programs that say things like 'instant success' or 'become successful with doing absolutely nothing', I'm talking about reputable authors that talk about healthy lifestyle attributes and activities that lead to success in the medium and long term.

I'm still on this journey myself, send me a message if you want to talk about anything.

[2frustrated]

How fun it would be to smash a computer!

Another option would be to put your computer in a place where everyone can see it--the kitchen, the living room, etc. Smash your privacy.

I agree with Exteberra that it would help you a lot to find someone to confide in, also known as an accountability partner. Coming clean to someone will make you feel better about yourself, and will help you to feel that you're not alone.

It sounds like the anxiety is not merely the result of your PA, it is also part of the cause. Focusing on dealing with the roots of your anxiety will greatly aid in overcoming the chains of p.

[no_excuses]

I think both the above members have great advice. I've smashed TWO computers over the last fifteen. Trust me, all is does is make you waste money on a new computer. I think having someone help you with your accountability is good, but ultimately this is a battle we fight in our minds. When we fail there, computer or not, we will find the stimulus we crave and masturbate. And when we win in the mind, it's OK to have a computer because we're in control. So the key is to develop a fully rounded, thought-out plan for recovery and work at it every day, so you're not walking into battle poorly trained and poorly armed.