Should I Tell My Parents?

[Yesterday Is History]

Do you guys think it would be a good idea to tell someone about this addiction? I've been thinking about telling my parents, but should I tell both of them, or just my dad? I'm afraid to tell them, but I know it would be extremely helpful in my struggle with P and MB if I did tell them. I think they would be really happy that I was able to come to them for help, but I'm afraid that they won't understand it.

Also, how would you recommend I tell them? Face to face? Because I'm not very good at expressing my emotions, and would have a really hard time telling them that way. I've also thought about emailing them, or something like that, but I'm not sure that would be a good way to tell them.

Any advice and tips would be really helpful.

[ocja0201]

I have been wondering this same thing myself for the longest time. I keep thinking, 'I have gotten myself into this mess I can get myself out.' Perhaps this is a facet of pride keeping me bound. Maybe over the phone, that way you don't have to deal with facial expressions and other distractions. You might also direct them to this site and have them read your posts.

God Bless,

~J

[Rockinastorm]

Hey guys,
there is actually a thread on this topic already in the "Teens & Young Adults in Recovery" forum section, so you should check it out to see what others have said so far.

[maggie]

Hi Yesterday & Ocja,

I have a special interest in both of your posts because I have a teen-age son and I suspect he's been too curious/daring online.
I'm being honest here. After reading hundreds of journals on TTF and seeing how powerful this addiction can be psychologically and physically, in controlling minds and bodies, I'd want to help him in any and every way possible if he told me he had a problem.

But, if I'd never been on TTF and if I never read all of the posts filled with pain and frustration, I'm really not sure how I would react if my son came to me with this problem. I guess I'd be confused, but appreciative that he recognized the problem and that he wanted to get control.

Where are your parents on this issue? Do they know that online p has caused this problem ?

[ocja0201]

Well for my part I know that my dad very clearly understands the danger of lust. He taught me at a very young age to look at women in the eyes and only in the eyes. I understood that what I was doing was wrong, my father clearly engendered me with this knowledge. Neither of my parents have much of an idea how pervasive P is on the internet or in the lives of most boys/men in this society. They have managed to shelter themselves and the rest of my family behind a strong faith, I being the only exception out of the four siblings.

Well maggie I would suggest you put your foot down and really let him know what you think of P, don't wait until you think there is a problem be proactive. He is already at the point where he is making his own decisions that cannot be helped, but you can provide guidance and an environment free of temptation.

God Bless,

~J

[Yesterday Is History]

Maggie, I'm not sure if they know or not. I've never told them or anyone else anything about it, and I'm extremely good at hiding the things on the internet that I don't want people to see, I wish I wasn't. What would you recommend I do?

I totally agree with ocja. You should go to him, especially if you think he's already involved in P. I know it could be awkward for both you and him, but I'm sure on the inside he really wants to be free from P, but doesn't know how. I actually wish sometimes that my parents would have caught me and came to talk and help me with my struggle with P, just so that I wouldn't have to come to them about it, because its not an easy thing to do.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts on the matter.

[Yesterday Is History]

Hey guys,
there is actually a thread on this topic already in the "Teens & Young Adults in Recovery" forum section, so you should check it out to see what others have said so far.

I know there is, but I was hoping that more people would find this thread since it's more out in the open then the one in "Teens & Young Adults in Recovery." Plus I was hoping that parents of teens would also post their thoughts on this matter.

[maggie]

Yesterday,

I appreciate your honesty and care in approaching your parents. That's really shows your sincerity and motivation to take control of this and not hurt those close to you.

To answer your question about parents of teens... I have to say that if I hadn't been on here learning about how powerful this addiction is, I'm not sure that I'd react supportively whether he came and told me or if I found it. I never knew how addictive this gets and now I do see how this gets into the mind and takes over. But, now that I've seen the struggles of so many good men on this site, I can only imagine how difficult this whole problem must be for younger men/teens.

There has been so much in the media about the influx of p and there are lots of news stories about teens that get caught 'sexting ' Has either of your parents mentioned these topics? I'd be surprised if they had no idea how this is invading all media & marketing.

This is just a thought for your disclosure. What about a note to both parents, telling them that you need to talk to them about a problem and that you feel uncomfortable ( totally expected and natural ) and hope they will try to be supportive. This way it lets them know that whatever is bothering you is difficult to share and lets them know you respect and need their support.

They will probably come to you right away ( they'll be a little panicked probably )
Then, use your own feelings and words to tell them what happened and how you want to take control of this.

I hope everything works out for you. Remember, you are probably the most important person in their life, so they may get upset and say things they don't mean to say and make you feel bad. But, they will want to help you and may not know what to do.

[mell]

YIH,

Good discussion here.

Do your parents have any experience with adictions? Are there any friends or family members who have addictions? I think this can be a tricky situation, I know a lot of people (if they didn't buy into the concept of addiction) would say "just stop doing it" and have no idea about the addiction process.

I think in the long run, any parent wants to help. It just may take some time for them to grasp the concept.

[nifty]

I've told my Mum. Honestly, she hasn't been very useful to talk to about this. As she admits, this is way over her head and doesn't have a clue how to help me.
However, she has helped install a filter on the family computer and has helped to pay for counselling. I know she would help out in anyway if I told her how she could help. She's just not sure what to do herself.

All that being said she's been extremely supportive. She was pretty shocked when I first told her, but has been amazing through all this.