What is the best way to be supportive on TTF?

[Evidence_of_Grace]

Here is something I've been thinking about: as someone who wants to be supportive of PAs/SAs on TTF, how much should I/anyone directly challenge an individual when it seems obvious they could use it? Perhaps it ultimately depends on the level of relationship we've built with that person but I was just curious as to your thoughts.

[65Ford]

I could probably use the occasional kick in the tail and a "what the blankety-blank are you thinking!?!"

And if I lash back and act sullen, well, I'm no different than a scolded toddler and it's nothing personal.

[ski218]

I think almost anything is acceptable to post as long as the intentions are good, which I'm sure they always are. Some things can be difficult to hear at times, but in the end I think all the advice/challenges are pretty good. I think the one thing to avoid is putting people down, because there are too many cases of people just abandoning ttf in a state of relapse. We have all been in that moment of guilt after a relapse, and it feels pretty awful.

I think a good goal for a post is to be supportive, but honest- no matter how brutal the honesty is. In the end, I always benefited from someone posting in my journal and providing advice, whether I chose to listen or not. I think it is just nice to know that people are reading my journal and taking a moment of their time to provide their advice for me.

[mell]

Tactful honesty and empathy.

I can usually picture myself in most of these situations, so I generally use my own experiences as a guide. The way I see it, if we don't say something when it needs to be said, we are not supporting each other.

[JenMac]

Good question EOG.
While I know this was directed at the PA side of this, I think it applies to all of us.
I try to speak from my experiences in life when trying to be supportive to others. If I speak from my own truth I can never go wrong.
I can't tell another what they should do, but I can tell them what worked for me, or what didn't.
It is not my place to tell another what decisions they should make in life. They may or may not be ready or able. But if they can learn something from my experiences, my decisions, then that is a good thing.
I learned this in Alanon. It never failed that when I was in a meeting I would learn something from what someone shared. And sometimes most unexpectedly. Listen and learn.
Offering a listening ear, and encouragement as able is the best way to be supportive, in my opinion.
I am sure there are times when hard truths are needed and welcomed, especially on the PA side of things. But we are all on a spectrum here, in where we are at. And abilities to understand those hard truths are directly related to where we fit within that spectrum.
It is a process.
Just my opinion...
Jenn

[Disillusioned]

Sometimes in hearing an SO try to recover or wonder if there is any justification in something cruel a PA has said in defense of his continuing P, it is necessary to be blunt and remind the hurting SO, that her mate's comments are really the addiction talking, as it really does get so strong that it takes over the driver's seat in our mate's minds and tongues.
We must be kind, but we also must tred tenderly, as there are some very fragile human beings on this site who are totally lost, depressed, and terribly fragile. So kindness, even in being straight forward, is absolutely necessary. I believe we also need to let them know that we who are reading and responding care deeply about how they are doing, how they are handling this enormous upheaval in their lives, and let them feel the affection and caring in every word we write.
God bless each person who reaches out to another in an attempt to help clarify, with a well-learned insight, and in trying to lift someone who is suffering up so that they can see light again, while lost in so much darkness and confusion.
disillusioned