Still Want To Look?

[metalfossil]

I wonder if any of the long time abstainers here can clarify this?

Does the 'need' to look ever diminish or even completely disappear. Are they just tall tales regarding alcholics and being one drink away from falling off the wagon and does the same apply to PAs? We all have our triggers and I wonder if they will live in our minds for the rest of our lives.

Are we really ever really free from IT?

It's late, I'm by myself and it has been a long, long day. I'm sorry if I'm rambling.

Hometime soon....

[WayFarerNation]

I believe that the need to look will diminish or dissappear according to our life circumstances. I have underlying issues that need to be addressed, and when I make the effort to stop distracting myself with P, the underlying issues begin to surface. How I choose to deal with these issues will answer the question you ask. Because I find this behavior abhorrent, I am striving to make my life work without the need for P. It takes a lot of patience and self work.

[metalfossil]

G'day WFN.

Ahh, the underlying issues. To me this much like which came first, the chicken or the egg. I'm overweight, (I'm an emotional eater; yes girls, guys too), I have diabetes and hypertension. I also suffer from depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Do I look at IT because of the miniscule high it promises for those fleeting seconds before the self loathing sets in, or is PA the underlying cause of a lot of my issues?

The Beast is a very selfish entity indeed. It lures you back to your fave F with promises of a feel good high. Seconds later though, it dumps you like a hot potato. All of us PA's realise this is the case but we keep on coming back for more...

If you're looking for easy answers, I for one know that IT might seem like a short term feel good solution. However, just look at the long term pain it causes to your SO and others.

MF

I believe that the need to look will diminish or dissappear according to our life circumstances. I have underlying issues that need to be addressed, and when I make the effort to stop distracting myself with P, the underlying issues begin to surface. How I choose to deal with these issues will answer the question you ask. Because I find this behavior abhorrent, I am striving to make my life work without the need for P. It takes a lot of patience and self work.

[dawn1952]

[QUOTE=metalfossil;75783]

Ahh, the underlying issues. To me this much like which came first, the chicken or the egg. I'm overweight, (I'm an emotional eater; yes girls, guys too), I have diabetes and hypertension. I also suffer from depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Do I look at IT because of the miniscule high it promises for those fleeting seconds before the self loathing sets in, or is PA the underlying cause of a lot of my issues?

Good questions, Metal. You sound a lot like me (except for the male part and the PA) I'm an emotional eater from waaaay back. Hypertension. Depression. Generalised Anxiety Disorder. (No diabetes, luckily, but it's in my family.) I'm pretty convinced I eat because of the self loathing and the reason for my self-loathing is pretty obvious these days. (I hate blaming anyone else for my weaknesses, but I'm sorry -- I do blame my ex. P, MB, leaving me completely out of his "s*xuality", complaining about my body... )

Anyways, here's a link you might find interesting: http://www.shrinkyourself.com/emotio...nostic/eed.asp It's by Dr. Roger Gould and it's a whole program that helps with emotional eating (and, yes, I do believe guys get it too.) I did the program last year and it helped me figure out a lot about why I stuffed my feelings and ate, even when I wasn't hungry and all the wrong things. Why I binged in private. Why, after a fight with G, I went out and bought a box of cookies and ate the whole thing, then hated myself later. Yes, I'm still doing it -- but I know why I do it and I know what I need to do to stop. I need to get rid of the weight I've been carrying on me (my ex) and start living my life for me.

Still struggling... but I'm convinced that the monster of self-loathing can be taken down. Once we stop hating ourselves, our emotions can heal and our bodies will heal, too. We've just gotta be brave enough to face the things that are hurting us and kick them to the curb!

[metalfossil]

Hi Dawn,

You are an inspiration to everone on here, Even though you're suffering with your own p demons, you still find the strength to come on here and help other p addicts.

Thanks for the link, I'll be sure to check it out.

Dave

[dawn1952]

Thanks, Dave. I'm just proud of everyone here, especially those PAs who are recovering. It gives me hope to know people like you, who have finally recognized what P does (to themselves and to those that love them) and are willing to face the Beast and push it away. As sad as it sounds, it makes me a little more hopeful, too that there really are good men to be found, which sounds like a terrible thing to say but that's a fear that P's put in me.

I'm happy if what I write helps anyone even a little bit. I'm glad I've helped you.

[BigEyes]

I have found that if a PA, who has stopped looking at P, still wants (desires, craves) to look (at P) then they will eventually have a slip or a relapse.

The PA has to dump the emotional attachment to P. No Grieving, no sadness. Walk away.

I'm not a smoker, but I highly recommend the book "The Easy Way To Stop Smoking". The author talks at length about "Walking Away". This book has been very helpful to me in regards to emotional attachment to P.

Don

[Evidence_of_Grace]

Good question and I would say that, in part, the desire to take a second, third ... glance, is habitual and can be broken but the desire to look may be with us for the long haul. As men, I believe we are designed to find women attractive so it's in our nature to notice a beautiful woman; however, it's what we do with the situation after we've noticed a beautiful woman that can be either a good or a bad habit. Hope that makes sense!