P is Selfish

[metalfossil]

While answering a post in another thread I discoverd something about IT and myself that I've probably known for quite some time but have only recently admitted to. PA is so self absorbing and selfish. IT doesn't want to share you with anyone or anything.

As as shiftworker, I'm alone a lot of the time by myself, and more so since I was promoted to a supervisor in 99. Before I acquired the internet in 97, I was a P addict, but only indulged myself with the occasional mag and P video. I never ammassed a large amount in fact it was an insignificant amount. The internet is like a large department store for PAs. Any form of sexual indulgence is catered for. I have amassed collections, disposed of them when discovered, and amassed another collection; a viscous cycle.

I have digressed a little. During my time on my own I find myself drifting. I don't want to do anything. Not reading, or listening to music. Not painting or playing my video games. All these things, and more, I love to do. What I always get drawn back to is P on the internet. Everything else, and I mean everything takes a back seat.

I always fooled myself into thinking I was bored. Crap! P just wants me to ITself. IT still talks volumes to me, but I find myself something else to do.

I don't want to end up a lonely old man sitting with a cheap bottle of plonk in a brown paper bag, pissing my life out against a wall in some back alley. The Beast will do this to a PA eventually.

To all the PAs on here, stay strong, visit here often.

[FoolishMind]

You have got it spot on Metalfossil! and 100% respect to you for you seeing it so clearly like that. It really is shocking the emotional effects it can have on you, and how it really does alter your character. Its through this selfishness PA's are able to block out all the damages to caused to oneself and their loved ones, which is why we often say when someone really acknowledges their addiction its the same as opening their eyes for the first time, because the see how things are for real, and that can be quite a shock!

FM

[Evidence_of_Grace]

IT wants to control you and, as you said, have you to ITself. Keep discovering new things about why you tick. IT thrives in darkness, bring some light to it, about it, and it will start to shrivel!