Reformed Smoker

[metalfossil]

I work in a predominately male workplace; it is also a very polictically incorrect workplace. This morning a P DVD was being passed around. I was surprised at the amount of hostility that was on display when I asked these blokes would they be watching that in front of their wife (my new rule of thumb).

'C'mon ......., you also watch P' was the catch cry. Not that long ago, I would have at least looked at the cover of the DVD.I must admit since I commenced my journey with TTF, I have become much like a reformed smoker and instead of looking I 'attempted' to commence a discussion about the pitfalls of P. It was a complete waste of time. P and the complete objectification of Woman in the media is so ingrained in modern day society that it ends up looking as if I have the problem.

Strange old lopsided world lol.

[TooSensitive]

It is people like you who actually start making a difference, one little bit at a time.

When we are strong enough to stand up for our own beliefs, it may seem it falls on deaf ears, and sometimes it does. But if we keep doing that consistently, even if it seems we are the only believers, not only do we introduce the possibility that someone else of like mind will notice, but also, it can make us feel stronger within ourselves as a result. And sometimes, if we are lucky, we are able to convert someone into being a believer, too.

I am not saying you need to shout your beliefs from the rooftops. You only need bring them up, when the shoe fits, or the occasion fits. I am glad you spoke your mind today, even though you were outnumbered.

I hope you share what happened with your wife, if you have not done so already. I hope she feels proud of you as a result. I don’t know where she is at with all this. Yes, the mere conversation could be triggering for her. But I still feel there is great value in your story, and it may give your wife reassurance that your mindset has indeed changed, and you aren’t afraid to let others know it, either.

I imagine you feel a bit frustrated by the experience, but I hope you too feel proud of yourself as a result of letting your beliefs be known. You didn’t shove those down anyone’s throat – you simply stated them, and why. Sometimes, that’s all we can do.

This is one of those success stories that your wife may appreciate hearing…

You might not feel successful, b/c you were outnumbered, and no one came over to your side, but if you look at the positive side of things, you were very successful.

You did not look, and you were not afraid to say why. How great is that?

You only have a problem, if you feel like you have a problem. I hope you don’t allow these people to cause you to feel as if you do. I know how hard it is to stand up for what we believe in, when we are outnumbered. But anymore, I do not let others influence my beliefs. I do not let them silence me, when it comes to my beliefs. I have to respect that they have theirs, even if I don’t agree with theirs. And they must do the same, even if my beliefs do not fit in with the mainstream.

If they don’t want to listen, that’s fine. I’ve learned who will listen, and who won’t. But others cannot take our beliefs away from us, unless we allow them to do so. I am glad you stayed true to yourself, as well as to your wife. You really did do the right thing.

[TYC113]

You are right, metalfossil. It is a lopsided world we live in. It's pretty hard to say that you are against P when everyone else is at it. All you can say is no and move on. If they make fun of you for standing up for your beliefs, your coworkers are not your friends. A friend loves at all times, not just because you like the same stuff. It is hard to deal with all of that. I agree with everything Toosensitive said.

[metalfossil]

Wow, l'm truly lost for words....thanks

It is people like you who actually start making a difference, one little bit at a time.

When we are strong enough to stand up for our own beliefs, it may seem it falls on deaf ears, and sometimes it does. But if we keep doing that consistently, even if it seems we are the only believers, not only do we introduce the possibility that someone else of like mind will notice, but also, it can make us feel stronger within ourselves as a result. And sometimes, if we are lucky, we are able to convert someone into being a believer, too.

I am not saying you need to shout your beliefs from the rooftops. You only need bring them up, when the shoe fits, or the occasion fits. I am glad you spoke your mind today, even though you were outnumbered.

I hope you share what happened with your wife, if you have not done so already. I hope she feels proud of you as a result. I don’t know where she is at with all this. Yes, the mere conversation could be triggering for her. But I still feel there is great value in your story, and it may give your wife reassurance that your mindset has indeed changed, and you aren’t afraid to let others know it, either.

I imagine you feel a bit frustrated by the experience, but I hope you too feel proud of yourself as a result of letting your beliefs be known. You didn’t shove those down anyone’s throat – you simply stated them, and why. Sometimes, that’s all we can do.

This is one of those success stories that your wife may appreciate hearing…

You might not feel successful, b/c you were outnumbered, and no one came over to your side, but if you look at the positive side of things, you were very successful.

You did not look, and you were not afraid to say why. How great is that?

You only have a problem, if you feel like you have a problem. I hope you don’t allow these people to cause you to feel as if you do. I know how hard it is to stand up for what we believe in, when we are outnumbered. But anymore, I do not let others influence my beliefs. I do not let them silence me, when it comes to my beliefs. I have to respect that they have theirs, even if I don’t agree with theirs. And they must do the same, even if my beliefs do not fit in with the mainstream.

If they don’t want to listen, that’s fine. I’ve learned who will listen, and who won’t. But others cannot take our beliefs away from us, unless we allow them to do so. I am glad you stayed true to yourself, as well as to your wife. You really did do the right thing.

[metalfossil]

Hello TYC113,

Thanks for your kind message.

Once I was a member of a forum dedicated to the type of car I own. At that time I was in 'recovery mode'. I figured I knew these people well enough to let them know about IT. One of the biggest mistakes I ever made. I was ridiculed and flamed and basically made fun of. There were a couple of positive comments, but out of over one hundred posts most were down right awful. The second biggest mistake I made was to join under a psyuedom and suppost my own thread...I'm not sure how, but one of the mods discovered this and informed the thread.

You live and learn I guess, and then you try to move on. Needless to say I no longer visit this forum.

I find myself lucky enough to work in a place where, even though, they didn't like what I was trying to tell them, they all respected my opinion just didn't support it and were a tad vocal. And I have broad shoulders... :-) Who knows though, perhaps I planted a seed or two.

You are right, metalfossil. It is a lopsided world we live in. It's pretty hard to say that you are against P when everyone else is at it. All you can say is no and move on. If they make fun of you for standing up for your beliefs, your coworkers are not your friends. A friend loves at all times, not just because you like the same stuff. It is hard to deal with all of that. I agree with everything Toosensitive said.

[life-cubed]

People are brave and invincible behind the shields of screen and keyboard. (A feeling we can identify with - yet REJECT. Unlike them)

I doubt they would appreciate the same treatment being focussed on their demons. Face-to-face they would be your bestest buddy in the whole wide world.

[ocja0201]

All it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing. Way to go, that was very noble of you. There is no better way to strengthen private conviction than by making it a public conviction, which is why I think this site seems to have a great deal of success stories.

[maggie]

OK.. prepare for the corny stuff..... " One small step for man.... one giant leap for mankind ".. It's true.

Nice work Metal. It takes a strong man to stand up for his beliefs. Weak men follow the crowd, it's the easiest path.

[Thoughtless]

Casual porn users have two big blind spots-they don’t have a clue about how harmful it is, and do not realize they are on a very slippery slope. I wish I had recognized this before my relationship with my wife was irreparably damaged as I slid down that slope. A hint from a friend or colleague on top of the statements against P made by my wife may have saved us much grief, but probably not.

I mentioned the horrible problems I was having after my PA came to light to a close colleague who dismissed it rather curtly, indicating no inclination to cease the activities we had participated in together on one occasion. I hope to have another opportunity to broach the subject and possibly spare him and his SO the grief we are so familiar with. My hope is to let him know about this site so he can see for himself.

Making a statement in a group setting would be much harder and you deserve a lot of credit, Metalfossil, as noted in previous posts.