Making changes in our lives... internet hunting and gathering

[Disillusioned]

Making Changes in Our Lives
It’s natural to want to make improvements, if not major corrections, in our lives. The climb for self-improvement to reach our highest potential is as old as time itself. Making changes is not always easy, however. It takes a strong idea coupled with desire, will power and foresight to see the desired outcome. Much of stress management falls in the domain of “behavior modification,” changing negative thoughts and behaviors into positive ones, which in turn, promote optimal health and wellbeing. The start of each year is ideal for making a course correction in our lives, but there are countless times to initiate positive behavior changes, such as the start of each month, the start of each week, even the start of each day. As the expression goes, “there is no time like the present.” Often, people who are ready for a change, want a complete life-makeover. Yet, changing many behaviors all at once can be a recipe for failure. Experts suggest making one change at a time until it becomes second nature. Then move on to and conquer the next goal. These days making positive healthy lifestyle changes also requires healthy boundaries and perhaps a frequent unplugging from cultural norms that do nothing to assist you in your efforts (e.g., television ads that use subtle unconscious messages to derail one’s best efforts). You can do it. Take a deep breath, and place one foot forward with your eye on the goal. Keep moving, even if it seems you are taking baby steps. This is how dreams are achieved.

Eating habits, finances, sleep habits, technology habits and relationships; the directions for positive life changes are many, leading people to become overwhelmed quickly. So pick one, just one. Where do you feel like your life needs the biggest correction factor? Take a moment and then see yourself having accomplished the goal. Creative an image in your mind of how you wish to be; a new and improved you. As the expression goes, “As if becomes as is.” If need be, ask a few close friends to give you moral support. Remember, even if you feel like you are backsliding occasionally, this is all part of the process. Two steps forward.....

Personal note: In dealing with PA, or in dealing with a PA spouse, it is important to break the down the task of eliminating P into steps. This is why developing a recovery plan is necessary. For the SOs, it is important to take care of ourselves, and this also involves a recovery plan…of how to take care of ourselves. This is really hard to do when people have always seen themselves as the caretaker, the fixer for things in the family. PA cannot be overcome by a dedicated SO. You can help your spouse, but ultimately it is the PA who must take the steps to change his life. This is exhausting and frustrating for an SO who only wants her spouse back in their combined real life. By concentrating on self-care, she can be a stronger, more positive mate and cultivate a clarity of mind that is needed when difficult decisions must be made.