Question for young PA's

[RMH]

For those couple of you that have said they've been addicted to Porn since 12 or so, what do you think your parents could have done differently that would have prevented you from becoming addicted? I'm just curious for my own children how I can better interact with them about this whole subject.. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :)

[Want2BeFree]

Personally, when I have kids I will restrain from giving them access to video game consoles or a computer as long as possible. I remember getting my first game boy when I was around five years old. I personally believe that over stimulation from the internet, tv, video games, etc. is a major antagonist of PA.

[Jenny]

As an SO, I would like to answer your question too. I was exposed to P at a young age also, my fathers of course. I think that warped my way of thinking that P is okay and every father has a stash somewhere in the house. In the garage, under the bed, in the back of the closet. I think that made a big reason of why I am here today as an SO. If my dad did it, well, then everyone did. I never thought about how my mom felt but now remember her making a rude comment about "the stash" everyonce in a while.
I think as a parent, we can teach by actions. Not having the P in the house, not watching strong s/xual content movies or television with our children and being careful with what we listen to. We cannot totally protect our children from what is out there, it is everywhere and that is why talking about what is real intimacy and what is not, about what is healthy and what is not is so important too. It's an embarrassing talk, for parent and child but worth it. But keeping the P out of the house is definitly a big one. It warps everyones minds, girls or boys, husband or wife, PA or SO.

[Disillusioned]

Thanks, RMH, for starting this post. It is one that haunts me all of the time. If our adult men can get caught in this, what happens to our children who do not have the benefit of a loving spouse or the experience of a real relationship to compare this artificial thing to. I am hoping more members respond to this, because this hangs heavily on my heart. I have a new grandson coming, and our family was blessed with two little great nephews this year. What are they going to think when they see this junk? I tried to teach mine about relationships. I talked and listened. They went to college and adopted much more liberal views on this stuff than I find acceptable. I stayed home and raised my kids so that I could invest my values in their lives. They have good relationships and are loving and faithful, but don't regard this stuff as the toxin it is. How can this be? They absolutely thought my hurt and sense of loss was an over-reaction on my part. Would appreciate any insight others have.
disillusioned

[TYC113]

Well, I can only speak for myself in saying that I have no one to blame but myself. I have been addicted to P since 13 and am now 21, so that's 8 years. But I guess what I would have like a little bit of are filters on my computer. I was easily able to find P as a kid and still had easy access to P now. And with my parents always being at work because they had to take care of me and my brother, I had so much free time to look at P when I got home from school that it basically became my hobby and girlfriend. The girls on the Internet basically became my girlfriend. So I would have like a filter or cybernanny. Something like that to stop me if I desire to (although back then it probably would have made me mad).

Another thing from my experience that probably didn't help me was that I didn't have a steady best friend and never left the house except for school. I had plenty of "school buddies", but I never really had a friend that I would go to for interaction. My parents were and still are who I hang out with on Fridays. I really didn't go anywhere in high school and don't really do it now, although what most people do socially I don't really like doing (like eating at restaurants, seeing movies, and clubs). But my bedroom was my hangout spot in high school as I didn't go anywhere else. I was still that way when I went away to college for two years, and I am still that way as a senior back at home. And when I was in my room I was watching P behind everyone's back, hoping I wouldn't get caught. I basically had no "friends" because I watched P all the time. I felt alone, so I turned to P. P was as I said my girlfriend.

And through that comes the third one, which was talking. Since my parents had to work to the bone just to keep the house running, my parents had no time to talk to me. I was alone a lot after school, and I was even more alone during school. I went to class and excelled in schoolwork, but I didn't excel in social skills. So during lunch period, I spent my time in the library away from people researching random junk on the internet. And then after school, I took the bus home and got right onto another computer with no school filters so that I could look at P. I remember specifically doing schoolwork instead of eating lunch so that I could have more time to look at P when I got home. So during school, hardly anyone ever came up to me to say hello to me. It was a rarity if someone did. I was basically an outsider at school. So I had no one hardly talk to me. Then came the P where all they would say was "Yes."

I went through that all of high school, and the issue only got worse when my parents would try to pressure me into dating or into going out. It was pressuring to deal with. And that pressure caused me to back away from others even more and retreat into my room filled with P. The pressure was so much to deal with that it caused me to go to more P and MB. So paradoxical. I felt a little lonely wanting someone to talk to me, but when my parents try to get me to go out with friends, I refuse. That's how I was.

So I guess if I had to say where to start, I would have to say set up a filter on the computer so that they can't access it anyway and spend time with your kids. I guess that's it for me. But I don't want to make it sound like my parents were bad parents because they weren't. They worked tooth-and-nail to make sure that I could succeed and get to where I needed to go. I was the one that turned on the computer and found all the internet P to look at. I'm the one who had no friends, and chose to be a hermit. That was me, not them. My PA is on me, not my parents.