The Roses, Lillie, and the other delicate flowers are now ready to rant.

[maggie]

It's been 2 years.
It's been 2+ years of Hell. If this truly is Satan's plan to destroy love, families and the human race... then he seems to be doing just fine earthlings!

Tears, apologies, discoveries, denials and arguements.

I didn't know " it was wrong "
I didn't know " it would hurt you and cause such pain when you found out "
I didn't know " it would take over my thoughts and perceptions "
I didn't know " it was addictive "
I didn't know " it would destroy your trust in me "
I didn't know " it would cause insomnia "
I didn't know " it would cause the objectification of women into distinct body parts "
I didn't know.

OK.... Is this a group of 12 year old adolescent males that are confused ?

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Maggie,

It is a shame that your husband won't give you the support and closure that you need. I know it is tearing you up. My thoughts are with you.

[JenMac]

Aww, Maggie!
I am sorry for your continual hurt and pain. I wish your H would come to realize that the only way past this is through this. Together. Doing the hard work with communication and willingness to go where it seems he is unwilling or unable to go. I wish that he would realize that without that there can be no healing, no moving forward to a better place!
I am praying for you Maggie! I am praying that you can both get to that place of understanding to be able to work together to move on.
Hugs!
Jenn

[Disillusioned]

Maggie,
I am glad you are allowing yourself the rant. It’s so good to be able to say it without getting things broken or even slapped. It hurts so bad and it is unavoidable. Mine never posted, but he did seem to get it. I so wish yours would turn around too. I want you to have some long, over-deserved peace and a chance at reclaiming your lives together. As much as you need and deserve that, as much as we all want that for you, it is he that holds the key. From your writing I felt he was making a little progress. How I understand about it coming painfully slow, and then backsliding. In so many ways, this addiction does reduce our men to the level of 12 year old boys, I understand.

I want to tell you that I have appreciated your insight in so many others’ journals and in PM to me. Believe me, I know from who you are as you write, you deserve much more than your h is able or willing to give. Why can’t they understand that they are cheating wives out of happiness and fidelity that they promised? It seemed so bad to me that it colored my world ugly, and I couldn’t even stand hearing love songs about devotion or watch a movie about love, as I felt it was all an illusion like my own life had been.

Like Jen and the others here, I just wish it was better for you. I wish you could wake up for just one morning and not say to yourself, “I know what he was doing last night,” or wished he was doing instead of being with me, or our family, or at some social obligation. P is a thief and a liar. Your h has been seduced by its easy availability and anonymity. How I wish it were not so. I don’t know if it would help make men straighten up if a roof light with a big, neon-red P lit up every time they opened a p site, or a magazine, or a dvd to announce to the world this was what was happening behind closed doors. My h didn’t want anyone to know, that’s for sure.

So sad and unfair that we hide too, because this hurts so badly and in such a personal way, that it feels like an open gash in your chest that others can see, and you just stay home because there is no energy to deal with other things and you are afraid others can see your body language and know there is something very wrong.

I pray for you, Maggie. I am haunted by knowing how much you need things to change and they don’t, and by the long-standing pain that you have carried. It is hard on the health as well as the spirit. All I can say with absolute certainty, is that you deserved more, and this is not fair.
disillusioned

[maggie]

Thank you all for supporting my rant......or at least not banning my posts !!

My thoughts have just become a little tougher. The sweet rose or delicate lily has been stomped on and crushed. It was so innocent and defenseless. A pretty, sweet petal of nature turning willingly toward the sun and absorbing all that was offered with joy.

Hault. Something stopped the natural cycle of life. Something stomped on the flower and shut off its source of life.

OK, I guess now there is a weed in the flower's place. It doesn't have any pretty petals or a soft touch, but it is stronger, wiser, and more hearty than a soft petal could ever be... Hey I don't need your dumb smile or compliment of how pretty I look or how sweet the aroma. I am a weed. I survive by working my way into the life sustaining sources I need and without giving anything back.

Weeds can thrive and survive when beautiful flowers wilt from neglect.

[Cupcakemomma]

I am a weed. I survive by working my way into the life sustaining sources I need and without giving anything back.

Weeds can thrive and survive when beautiful flowers wilt from neglect.

Hey Maggie...
Have you ever seen Heather? or one of those dandelions with the fluffy seed thingers? Those are some pretty AND tough weeds :)

[waterlily327]

Maggie, first off the title of this thread really drew me in! I know the way you are feeling...and think with your analogy it is ironic that so many of the SO's (myself included) have chosen flower's or other delicate things as part of our screen names. Second, your rants hit really close to home, and I am glad you are venting them here. I know being able to get those feelings out helps me a lot, so I hope you find some comfort in being able to get those thoughts out for others to hear.

And Cupcake, I agree with you 100% (and wish I could like your post more than once!)...there are some beautiful weeds out there. (As a side bar, did you know that dandelions used to be a prized flower used to line prestigious English gardens but are now thought of as weeds? Funny, isn’t it?) As a “weed” you can be strong, powerful, and beautiful! But don’t forget, as strong as weeds are, they still need water and sunlight to thrive…don’t let yourself become so entirely independent that you make yourself into an island. Even strong, independent people need support systems to thrive, heal, and grow, just as weeds will always need sunlight and water. I love your analogy Maggie!

[Disillusioned]

Maggie,
I have to tell you about the yellow rose that grew in my grandfather's yard. It always reminded me of him. From a distance, it was not too attractive as so many of today's tea roses are withe their shiny leaves and huge blooms. Getting closer, you were drawn by a sweet fragrance that lifted into the air and beckoned you to come closer. When you got close enough, you saw tiny, perfect yellow roses, reflecting the sunlight and fresh air. It was a bush and needed no support and could stand without any help, but oh my, how the stems and even tiny branches were absolutely covered with thorns. I never saw so many thorns on a rose.
What I am saying about this rose, is that it was guarded by thorns to protect it against those that would attempt to take its precious blooms. You might want to bring a rose inside to scent the house, but you'd better have long handled scissors if you intended to get one. You could smell its lovely fragrance when you neared it, but it did not advertise from afar by its shape or huge flowers that it was wanting your attention. Its color was clear and bright and reflected the sun that helped sustain its life. It needed no support from anyone. It stood on its own and liked it that way.
I know how you feel crushed and unseen, and I know you can stand on your own as you have doing so for some time now. I know how you have protected yourself with thorns keeping people away. I also know you are lovely and still reflect God's love, his nurturing and faith, in that you, like my Grandpa's rose continue to bloom each year. I so hope you will consider opening to others even though this rotten addiction makes us want to hide from the world. You have gifts to share and are worth giving to others. The fact that your h hasn't moved very far along in the process is NOT A REFLECTION on your beauty, fragrance, sweetness or worth. Let him wallow if he must. Bloom, Maggie, for we are not here very long, and your bloom will add beauty and grace to those around you. We can never have enough of that special kind of beauty. Cultivate that bloom, even as you protect it, and are now more careful of who you share it with. As in "Desiderata" in spite of the noise, pain, confusion, it is still a beautiful world, and you add to it.
disillusioned

[TooSensitive]

Love this thread, all the analogies, and all the replies posted. Love how all the pain is expressed, b/c we do need to acknowledge that, before we can move on, and how support is being given to help heal from that pain. Love, love, love this thread, Maggie!!