Who Is Responsible?

[TooSensitive]

Why do some women seek “negative” attention? And when they do, who is responsible?

Some women seek negative attention b/c they don’t really value themselves. B/c though they might seem to have an air of confidence, inside, they are lacking in self-esteem. They think the only way to feel good about themselves is by defining themselves through the attention others can offer them. They crave this attention so desperately, that they will dress in ways that will garner that attention, and they will behave in ways that will grab that attention, too.

When someone is crying out for attention, what they really need is some kind of help for themselves. B/c they are hurting inside, but they are still in denial of this on some level.

It is a shame they cannot see their own inner beauty. They bury their inner beauty, when they focus so much on their outer appearance and their bodies, that that is what becomes the focus. When their s*xuality is exposed for all the world to see, all they are in those moments is s*x. Anyone who truly feels good about themselves is not going to want to be viewed exclusively in this way, IMO.

We should all take care of ourselves and present ourselves in the best possible way outwardly. But when it is done in bad taste, it takes away from our inner beauty. Unfortunately, due to the permission some men give themselves, even when a woman dresses in good taste, she still gets this kind of attention just b/c she is wearing something that is still considered attractive, or just b/c she is extraordinarily beautiful. Why does attractiveness or beauty still have to automatically instigate thoughts of lust in some men, just b/c she happens to be a woman?

Showing skin is not in bad taste. We all have to expose more skin when the weather gets hot. It is how much skin, and which skin, that makes the difference. It is what is appropriate to the season and the occasion. But, even when the skin that is showing is not in bad taste, my h has still “looked” regardless. And when that is the case, I blame only him, and his addiction. I don’t necessarily blame the other woman, just b/c he found something alluring about her.

When another woman is seeking that negative attention, she is also partly to blame, I feel, for contributing to the onslaught of this problem in today’s world. When a man gives her that negative attention, he too is contributing even further to the problem. It is the devil at play, when a woman tries to take advantage of what is apparently most every man’s weakness. It is also the devil at play, when a man takes advantage of other women in this way, by seeing them as the objects they really are not. They are only objects b/c he has turned them into objects.

When a woman is not seeking that negative attention, she is not to blame at all. It is only the man who is giving her that negative attention that is to blame. She would only be at fault if she was encouraging him in some way.

Just b/c a woman is beautiful and/or well-endowed, does not mean she is seeking that kind of attention. Sometimes it is the man who gives her that kind of attention, b/c some men incorrectly assume that all women want this kind of attention.

A woman has to make the best of what God has given her. If she is extraordinarily beautiful or well-endowed, she should not have to go to great lengths to downplay this or hide her attributes. Just b/c you can tell what attributes she has, does not mean she is putting it out there for other men in the wrong way.

Sometimes a woman does put it out there in the wrong way. But sometimes, a man perceives she is, even when she isn’t. And when he does, it is he who must be held responsible for his inappropriate attention. She can’t be held responsible, just b/c God gave her more in terms of her outer appearance.

She is still someone else’s wife, daughter, granddaughter, niece. She is still human. She is not a s*xual object put here for your viewing pleasure. You should only be having s*xual thoughts about your own wife, not everyone else’s wife, too. And no matter what, you should be working towards getting away from objectifying, and you should be working towards seeing everyone as the human beings they are. And if they are human beings, then they too have thoughts, feelings, and emotions. When you look, even if this is what it seems they want you to do, you are still adding to their pain, whether or not you realize that.

If you can’t, then remind yourself of all the pain you add to what your SO experiences when you do this, even if she is not there to witness what you are doing in that moment. You are still hurting her, and yourself, regardless.

Anyone reading this, SO or recovering addict, please feel free to add your own thoughts too. I started this thread b/c apparently there is a need to talk about this that has resurfaced, even though there is probably another thread here that already exists on the topic somewhere. Maybe someone could find it and bump that up. And maybe others could add their thoughts here, too.

I don’t wish to start an argument or heated debate of any sort. I don’t want to provoke anything other than others’ honest thoughts and opinions on this topic. We all have to remember that some of us are going to differ when it comes to those. An opinion is just that – an opinion. Opinions are not right, and opinions are not wrong. An opinion is only what an individual believes for themselves, which may or may not be what others believe for themselves as well.