Light At The End of The Tunnel? -- On Success

[sblong]

It feels all-too-often where I wonder when success will be in this battle, but I also wonder this: How will we know when we have won? What does the aftermath feel like? Do urges just go away? What is it?

I also think that recovery can vary greatly from person to person, but I am curious; how long does it take on average? Sometimes I grow cynical but information may help me, no?

Thanks,
sblong

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Hi,

I am an SO, but here's what I saw from my husband.


Year 1-9 of our marriage with no discovery on my part and zero honesty, actions or even thought on my husband's part = 0% recovery for 9 years.
1st series of discovery on my part, with zero honesty or actions on my husband's part = 0% recovery for 3 years.
Last and final discovery on my part with 99% honesty, and 100% actions (filter, counselling, TTF, 12 steps, actual desires to quit) from my husband = 99% recovery on my husband's part

It is 99% because recovery is ongoing and life long. If he starts missing P, skating, looking at middle circle stuff, or looks at P one time as a "reward" for being so "good" then his recovery will go back to 0 percent.

I hope you get the answers you are looking for, but you define your recovery and it must start with you and a true desire to quit. If you truly desire to quit, you will do EVERYTHING to quit, and you will never think of P as something you deserve for being so "good".