Handling Triggers such as lap dancing?

[phil]

phil, 30, single, uk

hi all i put my age and marital status as i always wonder when i'm reading posts. i'm new here this is my first post. i have been clean for 9 days. almost relapsed about 10 mins ago. so i will keep this short turn my pc off and get on with my day.

but i'm off on a stag do, in a 3 weeks. i have been reading about triggers and changing the way your brain works. i have tryed to stop fantasizing about women and sex and porn. to try and stop it triggering me to thinking about porn and relapsing.

but i'm worried going to lap dancing clubs and strip clubs will strengthen my need for porn. It is not an option for me not to go as this guy is one of my best friends.

any advice? do u think i'm being stupid?

[healme]

Don't go....if you're at all serious about getting well then you need to stay away from any triggers. You need to watch your steps 24 hrs a day. This addition is powerful!

As for your mate, he'll understand. Simply tell him you can't do strip joints right now (you may not be ready or willing to tell him why and you don't need to). If he's truly your friend he'll understand.

Simply, If you're on this site you've admitted you have a problem. So why are you even thinking about going to clubs!!!!!

This addition will ruin your life and others that get close to you!

Stay on this site it will help you.

[Phil413]

Hi Phil. Welcome!

but i'm worried going to lap dancing clubs and strip clubs will strengthen my need for porn. It is not an option for me not to go as this guy is one of my best friends.

If you were an alcoholic would you hang out in a bar? Would that be wise?

Strip clubs are designed to stimulate lust, and lust, once aroused, demands to be satisfied. You will never get free from porn if you're deliberately stoking lust, I guarantee it. You'll be trying to put out a fire with one hand, while spraying petrol on it with the other.

any advice? do u think i'm being stupid?

If you go to these clubs? Yes, very stupid.

But you were very smart to come here for help. There's a lot of wisdom here, and a lot of good people who will help you get through this. Good luck. I'll be cheering for you!

Phil

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Phil

Welcome
I do agree with the others here. if you are serious about your recovery, then you will do whatever it takes to get rid of this addiction.

I do say how impressed I am, that you asked the question here, so you could get some thought on this. but I feel that you already knew what the answers would be, before you even asked it.

Allowing yourself to go to a place like this, yes would be a foolish thing to do. you will just be running around in circles with your recovery, going nowhere at all.

Of course the choice of weather you go or not, is only yours.
Both Phil and healme gave you really good answers, for you to think about.

Think about how tired you are in having this addiction in your life, and how bad, you want freedom from this addiction. think about those two things, should help you in making the right decision on this matter


Good luck to you

Gerald

[phil]

thanx guys i knew wat the answer would be. i dont think my friends will understand they would laugh and call me gay. and i'm not ready to tell anyone about my addiction yet.

its gunna be hard but i think i will have to say i'm sick and can't go. or say i'm skint.

[Hopeful59]

Seriously... isn't this a bit like a drug addiction saying "okay, I'm giving my meth, but is it still okay if I smoke a little crack?" Why would you think hanging out in a strip club would any better than porn? Same difference IMO.

[rouby]

thanx guys i knew wat the answer would be.

Well, ofcourse you did, but seriously, alot of these type of threads, the answer is already known. It is just good sometimes to have it confirmed.

I do appreaciate your situation with your friend seeing nothing wrong with it...however, that really does not matter, as long as YOU see something wrong with it.

Good luck.

[Disillusioned]

Hi Guys,
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't comment on a thread you fellows are posting, almost like I am an unwanted intruder since I am an SO, and you are all fellows. Thanks for this line of discussion. It was wonderful hearing you reinforce what I have felt for a long, long time.
This is one I am particularly sensitive about.
Good luck to all in their recovery, and thanks for being here and trying to beat this miserable thing.
disillusioned

[maggie]

Hey Phil,

There was a time when I would laugh it off and say ' just go and have fun ' what's the big deal, it's all a big joke anyway.

Women don't dress like that or act like that, unless they are being paid to perform that goofy tease for $$ and lots of laughs and attention.

The problem is, alot of men get lost and sick over this make believe stuff and then it isn't just a silly " guys night out anymore."
It becomes part of a mindset of looking at women as just an entertainment device.

But, I agree that you can't just say that you don't go to strip clubs. The other guys would tear you apart.
Good luck...Make your own decision and don't let peer pressure decide what is best for you.

[TooSensitive]

Phil, be strong and decide what your own priorities are, not those of your friends. Real friends will understand. Do you go to meetings? Maybe you would make new friends there, who are of like mind in wanting out of the addiction. The friends I bond with most are the ones who have the same morals as I do and are kindred souls. With them, I can be myself. If I can't truly be myself around someone, then I do not consider them a friend, but instead, a mere acquaintance.

I hope you find a way to get this sorted out for yourself. I hope you do the right thing. You will be better off and a better person for it in the end. It is you who has to live your life and live in your own skin, not your friends. We all have to follow our own hearts in the end and do what is best for us and our wellbeing. Please don't let anyone else dictate what you do by leading you down the wrong path.