CNN article - is pornography driving men crazy?

[astander]

This is the headline on cnn this morning...the thing that made me sad was all the comments at the end of the article. Of course, the user comments on CNN are generally completely idiotic and poorly written (and especially so when you compare them to the user comments from, say, the ny times).

But still, even though made by idiots, the comments about how the author of the article is wrong, that women just get fat and boring in the bedroom so men need it, etc. makes me very sad. This battle is going to be a long one.

[maggie]

Hi Astander,
Just switched over to read the CNN article. Naomi put some interesting ideas out there for everyone to think about, but she didn't seem very passionate about the problem at all, or maybe she doesn't personally know anyone struggling with this problem.

Seeing our political leaders act like fools and humiliate themselves ' sexting ' is one thing, but knowing how this sickness destroys lives and families is a whole different story. Although, it is clear that Congressman Weiner has severely damaged his reputation and career, we don't see the emotional trauma going on in his homelife.

I agree that some of the responses were ' crazy ' men trying to act like s*xl experts and telling everyone what makes good s*x and what they expect from women. If they didn't sound so foolish and immature I could have reacted to their posts.

On a better note, the article got published and may start some talking so that this problem can come out of the closet.

I was surprised how many men and women who commented, mentioned the brain chemical changes and
the cycle of seeking more and more for the next fix. The ED problem that appears to be almost epidemic was also mentioned in relation to pornography use and even how young men, single and dating, are having ED problems due to p & M.

The most upsetting comment I read was from a young wife, married about 6 years, who said she lets her H watch it a little bit and they have a good s*x life and marriage !!! Oh yes, what a wonderful relationship built on respect. While she is caring for their children he is in the next room mbing to clips of naked women. Great. It sounds like she has convinced herself into thinking this is good for him and will not affect their relationship negatively. Unfortunately, as most of us here already know, there is no such thing as just a little !

[TooSensitive]

I think most women have been brainwashed to believe they are supposed to be okay with it. I know once upon a time, I was.

Interestingly, I have a friend who doesn’t mind and simply accepts that her fiancé sometimes “looks” at other women’s body parts. However, she has told me she would not be okay with him looking at p. I should have said to her, “What’s the difference? B/c you are there and you can see what he’s doing?”. But what I said was, “Well, I would not be okay with that, and I’d have to speak up and say something.”

I also know that if she did happen to discover that her fiancé was viewing p behind her back, suddenly, more than likely, she would start to be bothered by him “looking” as well.

Just like my friend, the young wife thinks it’s okay, b/c she can “see” what he’s doing. He’s not doing anything behind her back, so to speak. If only they knew how untrue that was. If only they knew how much was going on in their minds almost non-stop, which then doesn’t allow them to be present in the moment. And then by the time you realize that part, it’s too late, and most of the damage has been done already. The young wife hasn’t yet seen the light, and though it is negatively affecting her marriage, she just doesn’t know it yet. By the time she finds out just how negatively it is affecting her marriage, the damage will be done, and it will be too late.

That’s right, Maggie, there is no such thing as just a little. Even though they are “only” viewing p a couple of times a week, not only will it probably begin to escalate, it is all the lusting they do otherwise, nearly all the time, that isn’t even done when they’re in front of the computer that seems to make up the bulk of it. The lusting that might start in front of the computer spills over into every single area of their lives and what seems like nearly every single second of every day. In the past, my h’s lusting was the rule, when it should have been the exception. Of course, I want it to be never, but that just isn’t possible, if they aren’t in enough of a recovery.

[astander]

Yes, this was very eloquently described in the other article I mentioned called "Darkening Our Minds." The author compared it to Churchill's declaration to parliament, "You have been given the choice between war and dishonor. You have chosen dishonor and you will have war!"

Basically, by choosing the dishonor of looking at just a little, and not nipping the problem in the bud before it because a huge problem, you end up with a full scale war on porn. But probably not before it has destroyed your life.

Again I found the comments at the end of the NY mag article from January 2011 about how porn affects men's libido to be in stark contrast to the cnn comments. The NY mag article comments were much more sensible and realistic.

[maggie]

TooSensitive,

He’s not doing anything behind her back, so to speak. If only they knew how untrue that was. If only they knew how much was going on in their minds almost non-stop, which then doesn’t allow them to be present in the moment. And then by the time you realize that part, it’s too late, and most of the damage has been done already. The young wife hasn’t yet seen the light, and though it is negatively affecting her marriage, she just doesn’t know it yet. By the time she finds out just how negatively it is affecting her marriage, the damage will be done, and it will be too late.

Ashamed to admit this, but it took this entire ' mess ' for me to realize how wrong and sick this all is and how ' just a little peeking ' turns into a full blown- mind set for some men.

My H use to make risque comments, which I thought were funny. I remember laughing at women with huge prosthetic surgically implanted bags....I thought that was funny too. I never watched P, so I didn't know how abusive and sick it was.... I thought it was
so ridiculous for anyone to actually believe women dressed like that in latex with 5 inch stilettos and wanted more and all the time!! How stupid were the guys who believed this? I thought. I was twenty. Now, I realize that I was the one who was stupid.
None...none...none of it is funny, not even a little bit.

.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

You weren't stupid Maggie. You were trusting and trustworthy, that makes you anything but stupid.

[astander]

You know what, when my husband and I first started dating, a guy at my office had a "pimps and hos" party, and you were supposed to come dressed up as such. My husband wore this ridiculous coat and hat with jewelry and etc., and I dressed like a hooker. At the time it was funny, but now I can see that making light of prostitution isn't funny at all, not even a little bit. I'm sorry I ever participated in that.

In fact, one of the wives of the guys at the office was dressed like a "ho" as in a "hoe," dressed in a farmer's outfit. And I thought, what a prude! But no, she had class.

[astander]

and particularly not funny since my husband has since solicited a prostitute and strippers.

[Rockinastorm]

I think its great that CNN actually posted an article about this. I wonder if they will actually stop posting other risque and or p-related articles?
We can only hope...

[maggie]

Astander...that is what I mean. I thought it all sooo silly and stupid. Who on planet earth wants to walk around in wigs and stilettos and moan and groan for stinky fat old men.... I thought it was all a joke.

Now, I realize that by dismissing it all at 20 when all my twenty something college friends... and most men would have listened to me, I laughed at it and just contributed to the problem. I thought it was too ridiculous for anyone to ever believe.... nevermind get caught up in and lose career and family over.